WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #71 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS RIDE OUT THE STORM
For those on the east coast of U.S. - directly in the path of Hurricane
Sandy - hope you made it through safely.
My area still has no power, heat, hot water, phone or
internet service, but we are hanging tough.
Many double milestoners rely on friends during storms - both literal and figurative storms.
Ideally, we have at least one reliable friend to count on during times of trouble.
And, our friend is able to count on us.
The storm coincided with Halloween week.
Did you get tricks or treats from your friends?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
We all need at least one person to 'count on.'
UNHOMEWORK
Complete the sentences:
1. My friends are tricky - they fool me into believing ...
2. My friends are a treat - they are a gift because ....
3. My friends are scary - I want to run away and hide when they ...
*Choose to answer each question in general for all your friends or for each individual friend.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... midlife friends take a look back ...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter: www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.
Showing posts with label milestone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label milestone. Show all posts
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
MIDLIFE MEMOS SHOPPING PAUSE
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #52 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE MEMOS SHOPPING PAUSE
One more week of enjoying late spring seems like a terrific idea.
Pausing from our friendship 'stuff' helps clarify our thoughts and feelings.
On the other hand:
Here's a dilemma that may crop up while you are preparing for summer:
You and a friend go shopping for swimwear.
As usual, both of you try on dozens of swimsuits.
Finally,
Your friend decides to purchase a suit that is very unflattering
to her figure.
AN IMPORTANT FRIENDSHIP QUESTION:
If your friend asks, will you give your honest opinion? Why? Why not?
If your friend does not ask, will you still provide feedback? Why? Why not?
THE MOST IMPORTANT FRIENDSHIP QUESTION:
Do you want your friend's honest opinion concerning how your
swimsuit looks on your figure? Why? Why not?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Knowing what boundaries we can cross and those we cannot are integral to
friendships.
UNHOMEWORK
Take the swim wear challenge.
When you put on a swimsuit:
- Pay attention to your inner dialogue.
- Is it positive or negative?
- Resist the urge to make negative comments about your body.
- Instead, focus on the positives.
- Give yourself at least one compliment.
The more positives the better.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Next week our break is over. We resume the friendship frenzy
of menopausal mayhem and aging angst:
... no second chance, now what ... ?
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook/drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #52 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE MEMOS SHOPPING PAUSE
One more week of enjoying late spring seems like a terrific idea.
Pausing from our friendship 'stuff' helps clarify our thoughts and feelings.
On the other hand:
Here's a dilemma that may crop up while you are preparing for summer:
You and a friend go shopping for swimwear.
As usual, both of you try on dozens of swimsuits.
Finally,
Your friend decides to purchase a suit that is very unflattering
to her figure.
AN IMPORTANT FRIENDSHIP QUESTION:
If your friend asks, will you give your honest opinion? Why? Why not?
If your friend does not ask, will you still provide feedback? Why? Why not?
THE MOST IMPORTANT FRIENDSHIP QUESTION:
Do you want your friend's honest opinion concerning how your
swimsuit looks on your figure? Why? Why not?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Knowing what boundaries we can cross and those we cannot are integral to
friendships.
UNHOMEWORK
Take the swim wear challenge.
When you put on a swimsuit:
- Pay attention to your inner dialogue.
- Is it positive or negative?
- Resist the urge to make negative comments about your body.
- Instead, focus on the positives.
- Give yourself at least one compliment.
The more positives the better.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Next week our break is over. We resume the friendship frenzy
of menopausal mayhem and aging angst:
... no second chance, now what ... ?
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook/drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
GRATITUDE AT MIDLIFE
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #24 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
GRATITUDE AT MIDLIFE
Thanksgiving is an appropriate time to take a break from our friendship issues.
Instead, let's focus on the spirit of Thanksgiving - gratitude.
During the double milestone®, it is tempting to focus on our disappointments, longings and losses.
If you want to purge this negativity, practice gratitude. It works!
It transforms your life by changing your perspective - even during menopausal mayhem
and aging angst.
Gratitude is acknowledging and appreciating our abundance.
Incorporating gratitude into our daily thoughts and activities is amazingly powerful.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Interestingly, the things we take for granted are often our biggest blessings.
UNHOMEWORK
Begin.
Write a gratitude list.
Read it each morning and night.
Who and what is on your list? Why?
Keep adding to your list.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife Friendship Expiration Date
... have some of your friends passed their expiration date...?
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
email - drwendykyman@gmail.com
facebook - www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVE, click '2010', '2011'.
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess'.
I bet you will relate.
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #24 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
GRATITUDE AT MIDLIFE
Thanksgiving is an appropriate time to take a break from our friendship issues.
Instead, let's focus on the spirit of Thanksgiving - gratitude.
During the double milestone®, it is tempting to focus on our disappointments, longings and losses.
If you want to purge this negativity, practice gratitude. It works!
It transforms your life by changing your perspective - even during menopausal mayhem
and aging angst.
Gratitude is acknowledging and appreciating our abundance.
Incorporating gratitude into our daily thoughts and activities is amazingly powerful.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Interestingly, the things we take for granted are often our biggest blessings.
UNHOMEWORK
Begin.
Write a gratitude list.
Read it each morning and night.
Who and what is on your list? Why?
Keep adding to your list.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife Friendship Expiration Date
... have some of your friends passed their expiration date...?
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
email - drwendykyman@gmail.com
facebook - www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVE, click '2010', '2011'.
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess'.
I bet you will relate.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
REGRETS ARE SO YESTERDAY
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #15 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS ARE SO YESTERDAY
HOW IRONIC
Even though our short-term memory is playing tricks on us and we can't remember where our keys are hiding or the name of the person we are having dinner with, people and events from long ago are surprisingly clear.
OVERWHELMED
Those long ago experiences comprise a unique scrapbook filled with snapshots of our lives.
As mentioned in previous postings, during the double milestone® we are bombarded with 'couldas', 'shouldas' and 'wouldas'.
Often a dose of the 'if onlys' is added to these unbidden and unwelcome blasts from the past.
EVENTUALLY
We finally let go (perhaps with help) of past hurts.
The regrets ease as we free ourselves of mistakes and missteps.
Some can be easily released.
Others have to be mourned and grieved as we acknowledge most, if not all, mistakes cannot be reversed.
Nor can we travel that long ago road not taken.
BUT...SOMETHING WONDERFUL!
We can look forward to the remainder of our lives and proclaim (loudly):
"Regrets are so yesterday"
or more specifically stated:
"From here on - NO MORE REGRETS!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Obviously, we are not perfect (ok, you may be, but definitely, I am not).
Although our intention is to have no more regrets, realistically we can expect to add a few more poor choices and mistakes to our collection.
That's life; that's being human.
The Swamp Goddess Goal - we keep poor choices and mistakes to a minimum, quickly release them and move on.
UNHOMEWORK
Spend time contemplating the meaning of : 'No More Regrets'.
Do you believe it is actually possible to live the remainder of your life with no regrets? Why? Why not?
How would you go about implementing a 'No More Regrets' policy?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
No More Regrets - Really!
"... Is it possible to live our lives with no regrets? Of course it is, especially considering..."
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES:
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #15 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS ARE SO YESTERDAY
HOW IRONIC
Even though our short-term memory is playing tricks on us and we can't remember where our keys are hiding or the name of the person we are having dinner with, people and events from long ago are surprisingly clear.
OVERWHELMED
Those long ago experiences comprise a unique scrapbook filled with snapshots of our lives.
As mentioned in previous postings, during the double milestone® we are bombarded with 'couldas', 'shouldas' and 'wouldas'.
Often a dose of the 'if onlys' is added to these unbidden and unwelcome blasts from the past.
EVENTUALLY
We finally let go (perhaps with help) of past hurts.
The regrets ease as we free ourselves of mistakes and missteps.
Some can be easily released.
Others have to be mourned and grieved as we acknowledge most, if not all, mistakes cannot be reversed.
Nor can we travel that long ago road not taken.
BUT...SOMETHING WONDERFUL!
We can look forward to the remainder of our lives and proclaim (loudly):
"Regrets are so yesterday"
or more specifically stated:
"From here on - NO MORE REGRETS!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Obviously, we are not perfect (ok, you may be, but definitely, I am not).
Although our intention is to have no more regrets, realistically we can expect to add a few more poor choices and mistakes to our collection.
That's life; that's being human.
The Swamp Goddess Goal - we keep poor choices and mistakes to a minimum, quickly release them and move on.
UNHOMEWORK
Spend time contemplating the meaning of : 'No More Regrets'.
Do you believe it is actually possible to live the remainder of your life with no regrets? Why? Why not?
How would you go about implementing a 'No More Regrets' policy?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
No More Regrets - Really!
"... Is it possible to live our lives with no regrets? Of course it is, especially considering..."
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES:
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Thursday, April 22, 2010
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WOULDA, SHOULDA, COULDA; IF ONLY...
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #13 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WOULDA, SHOULDA, COULDA; IF ONLY...
Are you regretting events, encounters and decisions from your past?
Are you kidding!!!
Back in the old days of our youth:
- Most of our regrets seemed manageable (except the bad ones - obviously).
- Many were attributed to bad choices and silly mistakes (plenty of those).
- We were able to chalk them up to our being too young, naive and/or inexperienced to know better (although at the time we were so sure we knew it all).
And now in the double milestone® days:
- Regrets seem to pop up regularly like an uninvited guest, often interrupting an otherwise pleasant day.
- More than ever before, we dwell on the past - or does it just feel that way?
- Some regrets fill us with longing; others with real pain.
How often do you begin (or end) your thoughts of the past with:
I woulda...; I shoulda...; I coulda...; If only...???
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Doesn't the slogan "If only I knew then what I know now..." finally make so much sense?
But really:
Would you really have done ... WHAT?
Should you really have done ... WHAT?
Could you really have done ... WHAT?
If only... WHAT?
Actually, we don't know - that's what compels us to conjure up our alternate universes.
UNHOMEWORK
1. List the top three recurring themes of your recollections.
Happy themes:
a. ----------
b. ----------
c. ----------
Regretful themes:
a. ----------
b. ----------
c. ----------
2. What is your reaction when your day (or night) is interrupted by a regretful blast from the past?
Do you:
a. try to ignore it.
b. delve deep inside the memory
c. obsess on 'do-over' fantasies
d. something else - explain
3. Is your chosen method working for you? Elaborate.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS
WHERE CAN I STASH THEM?
... many of us feel the urge to run and hide from painful regrets...
HELPFUL HINTS
If you cannot let go of your regrets and are stuck in the hurt and anger from long ago events, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well-qualified professional*, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.
*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
It is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish.
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
It is:
- an acknowledgment that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable guide.
MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'subscribe' or 'followers' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #13 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WOULDA, SHOULDA, COULDA; IF ONLY...
Are you regretting events, encounters and decisions from your past?
Are you kidding!!!
Back in the old days of our youth:
- Most of our regrets seemed manageable (except the bad ones - obviously).
- Many were attributed to bad choices and silly mistakes (plenty of those).
- We were able to chalk them up to our being too young, naive and/or inexperienced to know better (although at the time we were so sure we knew it all).
And now in the double milestone® days:
- Regrets seem to pop up regularly like an uninvited guest, often interrupting an otherwise pleasant day.
- More than ever before, we dwell on the past - or does it just feel that way?
- Some regrets fill us with longing; others with real pain.
How often do you begin (or end) your thoughts of the past with:
I woulda...; I shoulda...; I coulda...; If only...???
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Doesn't the slogan "If only I knew then what I know now..." finally make so much sense?
But really:
Would you really have done ... WHAT?
Should you really have done ... WHAT?
Could you really have done ... WHAT?
If only... WHAT?
Actually, we don't know - that's what compels us to conjure up our alternate universes.
UNHOMEWORK
1. List the top three recurring themes of your recollections.
Happy themes:
a. ----------
b. ----------
c. ----------
Regretful themes:
a. ----------
b. ----------
c. ----------
2. What is your reaction when your day (or night) is interrupted by a regretful blast from the past?
Do you:
a. try to ignore it.
b. delve deep inside the memory
c. obsess on 'do-over' fantasies
d. something else - explain
3. Is your chosen method working for you? Elaborate.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS
WHERE CAN I STASH THEM?
... many of us feel the urge to run and hide from painful regrets...
HELPFUL HINTS
If you cannot let go of your regrets and are stuck in the hurt and anger from long ago events, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well-qualified professional*, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.
*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
It is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish.
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
It is:
- an acknowledgment that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable guide.
MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'subscribe' or 'followers' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Thursday, April 1, 2010
BUT WHAT EXACTLY IS A SWAMP GODDESS?
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #10 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
BUT WHAT EXACTLY IS A SWAMP GODDESS?
DESCRIPTION
The Swamp Goddess persona is a strategy designed to unlock our inner wisdom, assess and, if necessary, change patterns of behavior.
GOAL
When we conduct our Life Review at age 95, we can triumphantly exclaim 'No Regrets"!
PLAN
Identify what we want
Let go of what we don't
And
Know the difference
WE HAVE TRIED
We have read zillions of self-help books, watched and listened to endless talk shows advising us on ways to live our best lives by loving, respecting, taking care of ourselves, yada, yada, yada... ad nauseum.
SADLY
For too many of us, these books and shows have not eliminated the feelings of guilt, even selfishness, that surface if we choose what we want, rather than what others want of us.
EVEN WORSE
Lots of double milestone®women are still struggling to identify precisely what we want. We just don't know.
Or, we do know, but are frozen with fear of what change will bring.
Why keep repeating the same behaviors over and over again and then expect, hope, even plead for different results?
It's time for a new strategy.
ISN'T IT AMAZING
Countless women do not live our lives as if we actually love, respect and take care of ourselves. BUT, we are very adept at loving, respecting and taking care of others.
PERFECT TIMING
The double milestone is the perfect time to finally go after what we want.
Stay tuned as the Swamp Goddess journey unfolds.
BY THE WAY
A number of you may jump right in and quickly adopt The Swamp Goddess persona.
Others will be a bit more cautious and take things slowly.
Whatever way you go - just go.
Begin by making a commitment to yourself.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Some of us may interpret being kind to ourselves as being unkind to others. No!
A few may worry that taking care of ourselves is being selfish and neglectful of others. No!
Adopting The Swamp Goddess lifestyle does not mean we become cruel or hurtful to others.
In fact, it is quite the opposite.
It means we stop being cruel, hurtful and neglectful to ourselves.
UNHOMEWORK
Imagine viewing your life through freshly minted Swamp Goddess glasses.
List specific changes you want to make.
- Short term - (how short is short?)
- Long term - (how long is long?)
What obstacles and/or fears hold you back from making changes NOW?
And, of course, the well known question - If not now, when?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Adopting The Swamp Goddess Lifestyle
Some of you are so over the whole goddess thing. I know, I was also until...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically
receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #10 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
BUT WHAT EXACTLY IS A SWAMP GODDESS?
DESCRIPTION
The Swamp Goddess persona is a strategy designed to unlock our inner wisdom, assess and, if necessary, change patterns of behavior.
GOAL
When we conduct our Life Review at age 95, we can triumphantly exclaim 'No Regrets"!
PLAN
Identify what we want
Let go of what we don't
And
Know the difference
WE HAVE TRIED
We have read zillions of self-help books, watched and listened to endless talk shows advising us on ways to live our best lives by loving, respecting, taking care of ourselves, yada, yada, yada... ad nauseum.
SADLY
For too many of us, these books and shows have not eliminated the feelings of guilt, even selfishness, that surface if we choose what we want, rather than what others want of us.
EVEN WORSE
Lots of double milestone®women are still struggling to identify precisely what we want. We just don't know.
Or, we do know, but are frozen with fear of what change will bring.
Why keep repeating the same behaviors over and over again and then expect, hope, even plead for different results?
It's time for a new strategy.
ISN'T IT AMAZING
Countless women do not live our lives as if we actually love, respect and take care of ourselves. BUT, we are very adept at loving, respecting and taking care of others.
PERFECT TIMING
The double milestone is the perfect time to finally go after what we want.
Stay tuned as the Swamp Goddess journey unfolds.
BY THE WAY
A number of you may jump right in and quickly adopt The Swamp Goddess persona.
Others will be a bit more cautious and take things slowly.
Whatever way you go - just go.
Begin by making a commitment to yourself.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Some of us may interpret being kind to ourselves as being unkind to others. No!
A few may worry that taking care of ourselves is being selfish and neglectful of others. No!
Adopting The Swamp Goddess lifestyle does not mean we become cruel or hurtful to others.
In fact, it is quite the opposite.
It means we stop being cruel, hurtful and neglectful to ourselves.
UNHOMEWORK
Imagine viewing your life through freshly minted Swamp Goddess glasses.
List specific changes you want to make.
- Short term - (how short is short?)
- Long term - (how long is long?)
What obstacles and/or fears hold you back from making changes NOW?
And, of course, the well known question - If not now, when?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Adopting The Swamp Goddess Lifestyle
Some of you are so over the whole goddess thing. I know, I was also until...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically
receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Thursday, March 25, 2010
BIRTH OF SWAMP GODDESS
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #9 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
BIRTH OF SWAMP GODDESS
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS
One special sleepless night, about half past my double milestone® clock, I had a transcendent experience, or perhaps it was just another insomnia filled hallucination.
I awoke to my usual condition - my body and bedding were drenched in sweat (oops, I mean glowing with dewy moisture).
It seemed impossible that the blame for this nightly soaking was due to hot flashes and night sweats.
Somehow, it was easier to believe I was perpetually sopping wet because I had been magically transported to a swamp.
SWAMP LIVING
Surprisingly, the image of the swamp took hold. I embraced the notion of swamp living, but with an important stipulation.
If I am to be a swamp dweller (i.e. endure vicious hot flashes and all the other - umm - joys of menopause and midlife), then I declare myself goddess of my swamp (my life).
Thus, Swamp Goddess was born. Yippee!!!
My first decree as goddess: I must make changes to my life.
I TOOK VOWS:
1. To offset menopausal misery and aging angst, to the best of my ability and in the ways I can control, I will no longer allow any other misery or angst into my life. There is no room.
2. I will make a conscious effort to move towards making everything else in my life joyful and pleasurable.
3. I will adopt a 'no regrets' policy. (This was an afterthought but as I quickly realized, essential to the Swamp Goddess lifestyle.
CHOICES
Quite simply, by making the choice to become goddess of my swamp, I took ownership of my life.
Why didn't I think of this 50 years ago??? Imagine!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
For those of you with no hot flashes and night sweats, consider yourself lucky to have landed on a dry patch of the swamp.
However, I am sure you have other signs of menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
And so, of course you are welcome to be a Swamp Goddess.
UNHOMEWORK
What misery and/or angst would you like to eliminate from your life?
Write a list of what brings you joy/pleasure.
Is any, or all, of your pleasure food related, e.g. chocolate (my true love)?
Other than food, is joy/pleasure a regular part of your life?
How often and in what ways?
HELPFUL HINTS
We need to distinguish between joyful, healthy pleasure and sad, unhealthy indulgence.
Obviously, a detailed discussion is beyond the scope of this blog.
Simply stated:
- Swamp Goddesses strive for healthy pleasure based in joy, wisdom and positive outcomes.
- Indulgence stems from a misguided attempt to fill an emotional void by spending money on luxuries we can't afford, eating excessively until we are sick, etc. etc etc.
- Engaging in excessive and extravagant behaviors without thinking through the consequences is not using Swamp Goddess wisdom.
- Getting help* from a well-qualified counselor to bring joyful, healthy pleasure into your life, as well as healing the 'emptiness', is a wonderful double milestone® gift to yourself.
Go for it!
*COUNSELING
Is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish
- an indication or admission we have serious mental health disorders
It is:
- an acknowledgement that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable, effective guide.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
WHAT IS A SWAMP GODDESS?
The Swamp Goddess persona is a strategy designed to...
MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically
receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #9 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
BIRTH OF SWAMP GODDESS
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS
One special sleepless night, about half past my double milestone® clock, I had a transcendent experience, or perhaps it was just another insomnia filled hallucination.
I awoke to my usual condition - my body and bedding were drenched in sweat (oops, I mean glowing with dewy moisture).
It seemed impossible that the blame for this nightly soaking was due to hot flashes and night sweats.
Somehow, it was easier to believe I was perpetually sopping wet because I had been magically transported to a swamp.
SWAMP LIVING
Surprisingly, the image of the swamp took hold. I embraced the notion of swamp living, but with an important stipulation.
If I am to be a swamp dweller (i.e. endure vicious hot flashes and all the other - umm - joys of menopause and midlife), then I declare myself goddess of my swamp (my life).
Thus, Swamp Goddess was born. Yippee!!!
My first decree as goddess: I must make changes to my life.
I TOOK VOWS:
1. To offset menopausal misery and aging angst, to the best of my ability and in the ways I can control, I will no longer allow any other misery or angst into my life. There is no room.
2. I will make a conscious effort to move towards making everything else in my life joyful and pleasurable.
3. I will adopt a 'no regrets' policy. (This was an afterthought but as I quickly realized, essential to the Swamp Goddess lifestyle.
CHOICES
Quite simply, by making the choice to become goddess of my swamp, I took ownership of my life.
Why didn't I think of this 50 years ago??? Imagine!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
For those of you with no hot flashes and night sweats, consider yourself lucky to have landed on a dry patch of the swamp.
However, I am sure you have other signs of menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
And so, of course you are welcome to be a Swamp Goddess.
UNHOMEWORK
What misery and/or angst would you like to eliminate from your life?
Write a list of what brings you joy/pleasure.
Is any, or all, of your pleasure food related, e.g. chocolate (my true love)?
Other than food, is joy/pleasure a regular part of your life?
How often and in what ways?
HELPFUL HINTS
We need to distinguish between joyful, healthy pleasure and sad, unhealthy indulgence.
Obviously, a detailed discussion is beyond the scope of this blog.
Simply stated:
- Swamp Goddesses strive for healthy pleasure based in joy, wisdom and positive outcomes.
- Indulgence stems from a misguided attempt to fill an emotional void by spending money on luxuries we can't afford, eating excessively until we are sick, etc. etc etc.
- Engaging in excessive and extravagant behaviors without thinking through the consequences is not using Swamp Goddess wisdom.
- Getting help* from a well-qualified counselor to bring joyful, healthy pleasure into your life, as well as healing the 'emptiness', is a wonderful double milestone® gift to yourself.
Go for it!
*COUNSELING
Is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish
- an indication or admission we have serious mental health disorders
It is:
- an acknowledgement that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable, effective guide.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
WHAT IS A SWAMP GODDESS?
The Swamp Goddess persona is a strategy designed to...
MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically
receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Thursday, March 11, 2010
'OLD' - THE FORBIDDEN WORD
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #7 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
'OLD' - THE FORBIDDEN WORD
I have friends who get angry when I mention the word 'old'.
If we are out and about, meeting new folks and I say the forbidden word 'old' in reference to myself,
I get accused of being 'negative', 'depressing' and even 'ruining things'. What things?
Warrior Women
Many of us battle aging.
We fight it on various fronts:
- cosmetic surgery
- coloring grey hair
- covering thinning hair with extensions, pieces, and whatever we can find
- dressing like 20 year olds
- dating much younger partners
You get the picture.
Of course, we all have seen men our age strolling along with their toddlers.
What are they thinking? Or are they?
What are we thinking? Or are we?
PC Police
BTW, this avoidance of the word 'old' is not only happening with some of my friends.
I have been informed that the language police consider it politically incorrect to say 'getting old'.
Instead, we are supposed to use 'aging'. Yeah right, surely that makes it all ok. Get over yourself.
It's silly to ban words and stifle speech.
After all, it is what it is.
How Annoying
Along with denial and pc codes, ridiculous platitudes seriously get on my last nerve.
Do you find these as annoying as I do?
Here are a few:
- Age is just a number
- You are as old as you feel
- 60 is the new - what age is being touted now - oh yeah 50, or is it 30?
Please stop !!!
How come
If 60 is the new 40 (or whatever):
- my knees will not easily skip down a flight of stairs. (Ouch they hurt).
- that little black dress is not so little. (Is yours?)
- names, titles of songs, trains of thought, etc get lost in the void of vanishing memory (uuhhh...what was I saying?)
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Myriad factors influence the aging process, including genetics, lifestyle and most profoundly, attitude.
UNHOMEWORK
What platitudes about aging get on your nerves? Why?
Do you use the word 'old' when referring to yourself or your friends?
If not, what descriptive label, if any, do you use?
Do you reveal your true age?
If so, what reaction do you expect, e.g. shock, disbelief, responses such as:
'no way can you be 58' or 'I thought you were 40'?
Do you fib about your age? If so, how many years do you shave off? Why?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
BEFORE EMERGING AS A SWAMP GODDESS
Before emerging as Swamp Goddess, I comically referred to my budding menopausal/midlife self as.......
HELPFUL HINTS
Factors that influence the aging process will be addressed in future postings.
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or subscribe' you will automatically receive
each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
THE SWAMP GODDESS GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #7 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
'OLD' - THE FORBIDDEN WORD
I have friends who get angry when I mention the word 'old'.
If we are out and about, meeting new folks and I say the forbidden word 'old' in reference to myself,
I get accused of being 'negative', 'depressing' and even 'ruining things'. What things?
Warrior Women
Many of us battle aging.
We fight it on various fronts:
- cosmetic surgery
- coloring grey hair
- covering thinning hair with extensions, pieces, and whatever we can find
- dressing like 20 year olds
- dating much younger partners
You get the picture.
Of course, we all have seen men our age strolling along with their toddlers.
What are they thinking? Or are they?
What are we thinking? Or are we?
PC Police
BTW, this avoidance of the word 'old' is not only happening with some of my friends.
I have been informed that the language police consider it politically incorrect to say 'getting old'.
Instead, we are supposed to use 'aging'. Yeah right, surely that makes it all ok. Get over yourself.
It's silly to ban words and stifle speech.
After all, it is what it is.
How Annoying
Along with denial and pc codes, ridiculous platitudes seriously get on my last nerve.
Do you find these as annoying as I do?
Here are a few:
- Age is just a number
- You are as old as you feel
- 60 is the new - what age is being touted now - oh yeah 50, or is it 30?
Please stop !!!
How come
If 60 is the new 40 (or whatever):
- my knees will not easily skip down a flight of stairs. (Ouch they hurt).
- that little black dress is not so little. (Is yours?)
- names, titles of songs, trains of thought, etc get lost in the void of vanishing memory (uuhhh...what was I saying?)
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Myriad factors influence the aging process, including genetics, lifestyle and most profoundly, attitude.
UNHOMEWORK
What platitudes about aging get on your nerves? Why?
Do you use the word 'old' when referring to yourself or your friends?
If not, what descriptive label, if any, do you use?
Do you reveal your true age?
If so, what reaction do you expect, e.g. shock, disbelief, responses such as:
'no way can you be 58' or 'I thought you were 40'?
Do you fib about your age? If so, how many years do you shave off? Why?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
BEFORE EMERGING AS A SWAMP GODDESS
Before emerging as Swamp Goddess, I comically referred to my budding menopausal/midlife self as.......
HELPFUL HINTS
Factors that influence the aging process will be addressed in future postings.
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or subscribe' you will automatically receive
each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Thursday, March 4, 2010
HOW DID WE GET HERE?
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 6 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
HOW DID WE GET HERE?
Those of us in the midst of aging angst are sometimes stunned, often bewildered and rarely amused by our predicament.
We question - how did we get here? Us? Our generation getting old - no way!
We are too cool to get old.
It's all about us:
With our persistent sense of self-importance, many in our generation still believe we are changing the world by redefining life's major developmental stages - currently it's midlife and menopause.
We will not quietly surrender as we enter, explore and live each new stage of life.
We want to learn about ourselves (our favorite topic of interest), especially information that will enable us to make wise choices and maintain some sense of control over what awaits us.
What we're doing:
Moreover, many of us are still working and putting off retirement.
Lots of us are physically active and fit, follow current health trends and take care of ourselves.
We love to travel and explore new destinations.
We even do our best to keep current by imploring our children and grandchildren to teach us the latest advances in technology.
And most of all,
We have an assumption that we are still relevant.
We are, you know! Are we?
UNHOMEWORK
Are you surprised at what your life is now?
Has your life's journey been what you expected? Yes/No? Explain.
Do you consider yourself 'relevant'? In what ways?
Describe how you fit, or don't fit, the above description of 'what we are doing'.
If you are limited by physical challenges, what are your coping strategies?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Obviously, the description 'what we are doing' is a generalization.
Sadly, we are all keenly aware that some of us are not doing well.
Thus, despite generalizations, this blog is for all of us.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
'OLD' THE FORBIDDEN WORD
Do these platitudes annoy you:
'60 is the new 40'
'age is just a number'
'you are only as old as you feel'
blah, blah, blah...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will
automatically receive each new one.
Or, just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 6 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
HOW DID WE GET HERE?
Those of us in the midst of aging angst are sometimes stunned, often bewildered and rarely amused by our predicament.
We question - how did we get here? Us? Our generation getting old - no way!
We are too cool to get old.
It's all about us:
With our persistent sense of self-importance, many in our generation still believe we are changing the world by redefining life's major developmental stages - currently it's midlife and menopause.
We will not quietly surrender as we enter, explore and live each new stage of life.
We want to learn about ourselves (our favorite topic of interest), especially information that will enable us to make wise choices and maintain some sense of control over what awaits us.
What we're doing:
Moreover, many of us are still working and putting off retirement.
Lots of us are physically active and fit, follow current health trends and take care of ourselves.
We love to travel and explore new destinations.
We even do our best to keep current by imploring our children and grandchildren to teach us the latest advances in technology.
And most of all,
We have an assumption that we are still relevant.
We are, you know! Are we?
UNHOMEWORK
Are you surprised at what your life is now?
Has your life's journey been what you expected? Yes/No? Explain.
Do you consider yourself 'relevant'? In what ways?
Describe how you fit, or don't fit, the above description of 'what we are doing'.
If you are limited by physical challenges, what are your coping strategies?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Obviously, the description 'what we are doing' is a generalization.
Sadly, we are all keenly aware that some of us are not doing well.
Thus, despite generalizations, this blog is for all of us.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
'OLD' THE FORBIDDEN WORD
Do these platitudes annoy you:
'60 is the new 40'
'age is just a number'
'you are only as old as you feel'
blah, blah, blah...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will
automatically receive each new one.
Or, just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Thursday, February 25, 2010
AGING IS HUMBLING
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND
AGING ANGST
BLOG #5 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
AGING IS HUMBLING
Ahhh... the arrogance of youth, particularly its two distinctive characteristics:
- knowing it all
and
- believing time stretches on forever.
Remember (or not) being young:
- time wasn't important
- if something wasn't done at a specific moment, it could be done later.
- if a bad choice was made, it could be fixed later.
Comfort came from the notion that there was always a 'later'.
Aging is humbling:
Now, we understand time:
- can't be controlled
- held back
- captured
- or, even if really desperate, stolen.
Time slips away from us.
And, perhaps most poignant, is the realization that 'later' is not a sure bet.
So then:
One question sums it all up - how did we get here - to this stage of life???
And then:
Is this actually midlife, i.e. the midpoint of our lives?
- If we are now 50 - then we are expected to live to 100!
- If we are now 60 - then we are expected to live to 120!
Seriously??? We are not fooled. Are we? Do we want to be?
But then:
Is this middle age or young old age. Does it matter? Does anyone care? Not really.
Lately, it seems many of us have somehow settled on the neutral label 'aging'.
Apparently 'aging' is a process, as opposed to 'old' or 'aged', which is
so final. Who thinks of these things?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Swamp Goddesses believe if our biggest concern is what to label our current stage of life, we are doing great.
Clearly, most of us are dealing with more pressing concerns. Duhhh!
UNHOMEWORK
What humbles you about aging?
What surprises you about aging
What do you enjoy about aging? Anything???
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
HOW DID WE GET HERE
Those of us in the midst of aging angst are sometimes stunned, often bewildered and rarely amused by our predicament...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will
automatically receive each new one
or, just come back to www.midlifememos.com.
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: facebook.com/drwendykyman
Ahhh... the arrogance of youth, particularly its two distinctive characteristics:
- knowing it all
and
- believing time stretches on forever.
Remember (or not) being young:
- time wasn't important
- if something wasn't done at a specific moment, it could be done later.
- if a bad choice was made, it could be fixed later.
Comfort came from the notion that there was always a 'later'.
Aging is humbling:
Now, we understand time:
- can't be controlled
- held back
- captured
- or, even if really desperate, stolen.
Time slips away from us.
And, perhaps most poignant, is the realization that 'later' is not a sure bet.
So then:
One question sums it all up - how did we get here - to this stage of life???
And then:
Is this actually midlife, i.e. the midpoint of our lives?
- If we are now 50 - then we are expected to live to 100!
- If we are now 60 - then we are expected to live to 120!
Seriously??? We are not fooled. Are we? Do we want to be?
But then:
Is this middle age or young old age. Does it matter? Does anyone care? Not really.
Lately, it seems many of us have somehow settled on the neutral label 'aging'.
Apparently 'aging' is a process, as opposed to 'old' or 'aged', which is
so final. Who thinks of these things?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Swamp Goddesses believe if our biggest concern is what to label our current stage of life, we are doing great.
Clearly, most of us are dealing with more pressing concerns. Duhhh!
UNHOMEWORK
What humbles you about aging?
What surprises you about aging
What do you enjoy about aging? Anything???
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
HOW DID WE GET HERE
Those of us in the midst of aging angst are sometimes stunned, often bewildered and rarely amused by our predicament...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will
automatically receive each new one
or, just come back to www.midlifememos.com.
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: facebook.com/drwendykyman
Thursday, February 18, 2010
WHEW! AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK AS OLD AS SHE DOES. DO I?
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL
MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #4 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
WHEW! AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK AS OLD AS SHE
DOES. DO I?
Has this happened to you?
You run into an acquaintance - someone our age. It has been
some time since you last saw each other. While you are catching
up on events in each other's lives, you are also taking a silent inventory.
It goes something like this:
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL
MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #4 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
WHEW! AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK AS OLD AS SHE
DOES. DO I?
Has this happened to you?
You run into an acquaintance - someone our age. It has been
some time since you last saw each other. While you are catching
up on events in each other's lives, you are also taking a silent inventory.
It goes something like this:
- Neck - mine doesn't have that many lines
- Eyes - her crow's feet are barely noticeable - hmm - botox?
- Jowls - yikes, hers are really hanging - even more than
- mine! I didn't know that was anatomically possible.
- But wait, she's sleeveless! How does she keep her arms toned
- enough to go sleeveless?
This internal dialogue continues while our external dialogue is all about sharing pleasantries.
Are we being mean? No.
Our contemporaries are a measuring stick of how we are doing in the aging process. We see ourselves reflected through them.
Another version:
We meet someone - it could happen anywhere - in line at Macy's, introduced by a mutual friend, whatever. Unlike our friends and acquaintances, we do not know her exact age.
Still, we do the silent inventory and conclude that she is older and we don't look like her because she looks ... well ... old.
Then:
This supposedly older woman says something horrific, such as: 'at our age...'
Excuse me! Did she just put me in her age bracket?
What did she see? Does this mean I look as old to her as she looks to me? Ouch!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
For those who are really 60, but claim to be 50 - do you ever wonder:
Is it better to look bad for 50 or good for 60?
If you ever play the dangerous game of asking others to guess your
true age, be prepared with a response if they guess older. Yikes!
UNHOMEWORK
What body parts do you focus on when measuring yourself against
others? Why did you choose these?
What body part do you like best? Describe
What body part do you like least? Describe
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
AGING IS HUMBLING
Remember being young and time wasn't that important...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe'
you will automatically receive each new one
Or just come back to www. midlifememos.com
you will automatically receive each new one
Or just come back to www. midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook/drwendykyman
Thursday, February 11, 2010
MidlIFE MEMOS - MY FIRST TIME
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MADNESS
AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #3 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MY FIRST TIME - CAN YOU REMEMBER YOURS?
My first time is seared into my brain.
It happened with four men - age 20ish. I was in my mid 50s. We met
when they were driving by in a convertible - with the top down. I
was on my way to the gym wearing workout clothes, large sunglasses,
listening to my ipod and feeling good.
Sound intriguing?
Here's what actually happened:
The car carrying these young men was careening up 1st Avenue on an
unusually traffic-lite Manhattan afternoon. I was crossing the street at a relative distance and barely noticed them. The young men let me know they noticed me.
They shouted these memorable words:
"Get out of the way - Old Lady."
As I staggered across the street, I was breathless. I felt like all the air had gone out of my body.
- Was it because the car had hit me? No.
- Perhaps I had been punched in the stomach? No
- Maybe I was out of shape and crossing the street was too
strenuous? A big No.
I was so shaken and traumatized because it was my first time - being
called 'old'. Actually more than that, it was the first time my age was
used as a slur, a put down.
Repeatedly, obsessively, embarrassingly, my thoughts were centered
on: how could the young men tell my age?
1. I took inventory:
- they didn't see me up close.
- sunglasses were hiding my eye wrinkles and bags
- a recent dye job was nicely covering my grey hair.
- my workout clothing was stylish, but not desperate or inappropriate.
- blah, blah, blah.
2. I questioned:
- out of all the potential insults, why did these boys focus on my age?
- am I so old that my age is evident even from a speeding car - at a
distance?
- am I so old that my age defines me - no other identifiers are needed?
- what reactions can I now expect from up close, face-to-face encounters?
3. I reacted:
- I immediately tried the retaliation approach. I told myself the
boys are jerks, immature kids and then moved on to serious cursing. Frankly,
it didn't work.
- things took a scary turn when I considered going home instead of to the gym.
- a creepy voice popped into my head spouting negative phrases, including:
'you're too old to work out'; 'what's the point'; etc. etc. etc.
All this took place within a couple of minutes. I was faced with a choice. I could give up, go home,
curl up and wither away.
Or,
swallow down my feelings with cupcakes (my current love), ice cream
and potato chips - yummy, but not the answer.
Luckily,
my Swamp Goddess persona intervened to remind me I enjoy working out (I know, weird, but true). I like feeling strong and fit. Plus, I always feel great afterward.
More importantly, I would feel awful if I gave up.
Swamp Goddesses do not give up.
We all know
our youth obsessed society sends messages to older folks, such as: 'get
out of the way,' 'your time has passed,' or the recent 'you are so old school.'
Did we
say such things when we were young?
How awful were we?
I don't remember. Do you?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
A Swamp Goddess holds steadfast and affirms:
- I earned my way to this age.
- I have a right to take up space - so get over it!
But still I ponder - what tell tale signs gave my age away- at such a distance?
UNHOMEWORK
What was your first time being called 'old'? (other than by your kids)
Has the word 'old' been used as a slur against you?
How did you react?
How do you wish you had reacted?
HELPFUL HINTS
Use Midlife Memos to acquire information, pick up suggestions and
unleash your inner wisdom.
You will gain inspiration to live The Swamp Goddess lifestyle.
Details about Swamp Goddess will be discussed in future postings.
Stay tuned.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
WHEW! AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK AS OLD AS SHE DOES. DO I?
You run into an acquaintance - someone our age. It has
been some time since you last saw each other. The silent
inventory begins...
NOTES
These are weekly postings. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically
receive each new one.
Or, just come back to www.midlifememos.com
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
THE SWAMP GODDESS GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MADNESS
AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #3 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MY FIRST TIME - CAN YOU REMEMBER YOURS?
My first time is seared into my brain.
It happened with four men - age 20ish. I was in my mid 50s. We met
when they were driving by in a convertible - with the top down. I
was on my way to the gym wearing workout clothes, large sunglasses,
listening to my ipod and feeling good.
Sound intriguing?
Here's what actually happened:
The car carrying these young men was careening up 1st Avenue on an
unusually traffic-lite Manhattan afternoon. I was crossing the street at a relative distance and barely noticed them. The young men let me know they noticed me.
They shouted these memorable words:
"Get out of the way - Old Lady."
As I staggered across the street, I was breathless. I felt like all the air had gone out of my body.
- Was it because the car had hit me? No.
- Perhaps I had been punched in the stomach? No
- Maybe I was out of shape and crossing the street was too
strenuous? A big No.
I was so shaken and traumatized because it was my first time - being
called 'old'. Actually more than that, it was the first time my age was
used as a slur, a put down.
Repeatedly, obsessively, embarrassingly, my thoughts were centered
on: how could the young men tell my age?
1. I took inventory:
- they didn't see me up close.
- sunglasses were hiding my eye wrinkles and bags
- a recent dye job was nicely covering my grey hair.
- my workout clothing was stylish, but not desperate or inappropriate.
- blah, blah, blah.
2. I questioned:
- out of all the potential insults, why did these boys focus on my age?
- am I so old that my age is evident even from a speeding car - at a
distance?
- am I so old that my age defines me - no other identifiers are needed?
- what reactions can I now expect from up close, face-to-face encounters?
3. I reacted:
- I immediately tried the retaliation approach. I told myself the
boys are jerks, immature kids and then moved on to serious cursing. Frankly,
it didn't work.
- things took a scary turn when I considered going home instead of to the gym.
- a creepy voice popped into my head spouting negative phrases, including:
'you're too old to work out'; 'what's the point'; etc. etc. etc.
All this took place within a couple of minutes. I was faced with a choice. I could give up, go home,
curl up and wither away.
Or,
swallow down my feelings with cupcakes (my current love), ice cream
and potato chips - yummy, but not the answer.
Luckily,
my Swamp Goddess persona intervened to remind me I enjoy working out (I know, weird, but true). I like feeling strong and fit. Plus, I always feel great afterward.
More importantly, I would feel awful if I gave up.
Swamp Goddesses do not give up.
We all know
our youth obsessed society sends messages to older folks, such as: 'get
out of the way,' 'your time has passed,' or the recent 'you are so old school.'
Did we
say such things when we were young?
How awful were we?
I don't remember. Do you?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
A Swamp Goddess holds steadfast and affirms:
- I earned my way to this age.
- I have a right to take up space - so get over it!
But still I ponder - what tell tale signs gave my age away- at such a distance?
UNHOMEWORK
What was your first time being called 'old'? (other than by your kids)
Has the word 'old' been used as a slur against you?
How did you react?
How do you wish you had reacted?
HELPFUL HINTS
Use Midlife Memos to acquire information, pick up suggestions and
unleash your inner wisdom.
You will gain inspiration to live The Swamp Goddess lifestyle.
Details about Swamp Goddess will be discussed in future postings.
Stay tuned.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
WHEW! AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK AS OLD AS SHE DOES. DO I?
You run into an acquaintance - someone our age. It has
been some time since you last saw each other. The silent
inventory begins...
NOTES
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