Wednesday, June 12, 2013

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS AS A WARM-UP ACT

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #103 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS AS A WARM-UP ACT

The Midlife Memos blog has shed light on friendship frenzy.
These posts have suggested ways to celebrate quality friendships and encouraged
you to release difficult ones.

Friendships are just a warm-up.
It's time to move forward and examine other double milestone connections.

As we navigate menopausal mayhem and aging angst, some days it feels like
just about all our relationships have become unsettled.

Have you noticed bonds with romantic partners, family, colleagues and,
even, neighbors are changing?
Some are strained, others are shaky.
Several already have disintegrated.
Happily, a precious few remain strong (ummmm ... depending on the day).
What a perfect opportunity to ask my favorite question, "Is it me?"

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Midlife Memos is taking a break.
While you continue building quality friendships, I will be busy finishing
my next book. The topic - Sexuality After 50.  Uh-huh!!!

UNHOMEWORK
With some tweaking, apply the strategies offered in Midlife Memos and
Help! I Am Surrounded By Bitches ... to other relationships.
Stay in touch.
More to come.

REMINDER
Do you want more detailed guidance, inspiration, and information to navigate the murky waters
of menopausal/midlife friendships?
You'll find practical knowledge, relatable anecdotes and effective solutions in Help! I Am
Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide To Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal
Mayhem And Aging Angst.
Available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble


NEXT TOPIC
Check in for updates.

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:         www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012' '2103.'
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.



Wednesday, June 5, 2013

WILL YOU ACCEPT YOUR MIDLIFE FRIENDS? CAN YOU?

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #102 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
WILL YOU ACCEPT YOUR MIDLIFE FRIENDS? CAN YOU?

Is it possible to keep friends that don't quite measure up to your friendship
criteria? In other words, can you choose to accept friends as they are - not as
you want them to be?

Have you found at least one reason to accept friends despite their
flaws, quirks and annoyances?
How is that working out?

Maybe, you're hoping your friends' unpleasant, negative traits
will disappear.
Do you believe in magic?

Or, you are playing 'let's make a deal.'
If you accept your friends' flaws, quirks and annoyances, they
will accept yours.
Good luck.

Perhaps, you have decided to lower your expectations.
Is one quality friendship trait enough - no matter how many negatives?
This is a personal decision, but question why you are settling.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Always aim high.
Resist the urge to 'settle.' 

UNHOMEWORK
List the friends you have decided to accept as they are?
Why?
Prioritize your friendship criteria.
Decide what quality traits are 'must haves.'

REMINDER
Do you want more detailed guidance, inspiration and information to navigate
the murky waters of menopausal/midlife friendships?
You'll find practical knowledge, relatable anecdotes and effective solutions in Help! I Am
Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide To Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal
Mayhem And Aging Angst.
www.amazon.com
www.barnesandnoble.com

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife transitions

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:         www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.




Wednesday, May 29, 2013

WHO WILL NEVER BE YOUR MIDLIFE FRIEND?

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 101 by Wendy Kyman, PhD
WHO WILL NEVER BE YOUR MIDLIFE FRIEND?

Do you wish to be friends with your family?
Is this wish impossible to fulfill because you are engaged in bitter feuds with siblings?
Is your #1 enemy a sister or brother?

Long-time feuds:
No matter what caused the estrangement, or how long ago the fighting began,
having family members as enemies is horrible. Almost always it is worse than having
friends as enemies.

Feuds unique to families:
If you're a double milestoner and still have parents - lucky you.
As parents settle into their golden years, one or both may need assistance.
Decisions have to be made for their care.
Increase in parents' needs = increase in our stress levels.
This situation is ripe for emotional outbursts among siblings.

For some families, disagreements may escalate into bitter animosity.
Causes:
~ Money, Money, Money
Interestingly, sibling conflicts are less likely when parents have little or no money.
When parents have money, siblings argue how it should be spent now and divided later.

~ Compare and Contrast Contests
Sibling rivalries tend to be unleashed when caretaking parents.
Sisters and brothers quarrel: who is doing more, who is doing less and who
is doing absolutely nothing (except giving orders and making demands).

~ Doing It All
Resentment builds quickly when one sibling does the parents' daily caregiving.
Perhaps, the other siblings live far away and can not (will not) travel to care-take parents.
Or, they claim to be 'too busy.'
Anger erupts when non-involved siblings make decisions that impact the involved sibling.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Each sibling must be responsible for at least one parent-related task.
No excuses (except their own medical issues).
Long-distance siblings may further contribute by hiring (paying) health aides to assist with
parents' care. The sibling providing daily care will appreciate the help.

UNHOMEWORK
If you are feuding with siblings:
~ Do you fight with friends the way you fight with siblings? Can you imagine doing so?
~ Is there any chance for family reconciliation?
~ What must be done to heal?
If you are not feuding with siblings:
~ Celebrate with big family hugs.

REMINDER
Do you want more detailed guidance, inspiration, and information to navigate the
murky waters of menopausal/midlife friendships?
You'll find practical knowledge, relatable anecdotes and effective solutions in
Help! I Am Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide To Friendship Frenzy Amid
Menopausal Mayhem And Aging Angst.



www.amazon.com
www.barnesandnoble.com

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
If I accept you, will you accept me ... ?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

FAMILY AS MIDLIFE FRIENDS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #100 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
FAMILY AS MIDLIFE FRIENDS

Double milestoners grew up in a time when many families had several
children born close in age.
Thus, it's probable you have siblings also navigating the double
milestone.

For those with brothers: Men go through their version of a double milestone.
They, too, have hormonal mayhem and aging angst.
Why should women have all the ... er ... fun?

The sibling connection is powerful.
Aside from DNA, sisters and brothers share uniques memories - especially
of people, places and events.
At this point in life, it's so helpful to have siblings fill in the (ever increasing) memory blanks.
If you're able to add unconditional love for each other to the mix, you are very fortunate.

Having siblings as best friends is one of life's special gifts.

Sadly, for some siblings the reverse is true.
You may be engaged in wicked feuds with your sisters and brothers.
As a result, you are bitter enemies.
(Stay tuned for more on this topic.)

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Double milestoners with no siblings often have close relationships with cousins.
Apply the comments and unhomework to your cousins.

UNHOMEWORK
Are you friends with your brothers and sisters?
Were you always friends?
Did you have to 'work' to become friends?
Is there anything that would cause you to feud with your siblings? Specify.

REMINDER
Do you want more detailed guidance, inspiration and information to navigate the
murky waters of menopausal/midlife friendships?
You'll find practical knowledge, relatable anecdotes and effective solutions in
Help! I Am Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide To Friendship Frenzy Amid
Menopausal Mayhem And Aging Angst.


www.amazon.com
www.barnesandnoble.com

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
It is impossible for family to be friends when ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:         drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:   www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:       www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

MIDLIFE FRIENDS AS FAMILY

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #99 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS AS FAMILY

Generally, the bonds holding a family together are stronger than bonds
holding a friendship together.
Agree? Disagree?

Do you have friends you consider family?
What qualifies a friend as family?
Choose:
~ length of time you know each other
~ shared experiences, e.g raising children, vacationing together, sharing holidays
~ compatibility
~ desperation
~ other

 Sometimes, friends form a replacement family to take the place of actual
family that is estranged, long-distance, passed away, etc.
Or
We take a friend into our existing family because ----- (fill in the blank).

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Some folks casually designate friends as family.
Others rarely, or never, designate friends as family.

UNHOMEWORK
Do you have any friends as family?
What characteristics must a friend have to be selected as family?
Are you part of a friend's family? How is that working out?
EXTRA CREDIT
We know most families spend years living together.
With that in mind, would you be able to share a home with any of your friends?
For how long?

REMINDER
Do you want more detailed guidance, inspiration, and information to navigate the
murky waters of menopausal/midlife friendships?
You'll find practical knowledge, relatable anecdotes, and effective solutions in Help! I
Am Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide To Friendship Frenzy Amid
Menopausal Mayhem And Aging Angst.


www.amazon.com
www.barnesandnoble.com

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Family as friends tend to be ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.


Wednesday, May 8, 2013

RE-CHOOSING MIDLIFE FRIENDS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #98 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
RE-CHOOSING MIDLIFE FRIENDS

Imagine:
You move to a town or city where you don't know anybody.
One of your top priorities is to meet people and make friends.

Imagine further:
You are introduced to your current friends in the new location.
However, you're meeting and learning about them for the first time.

Ideally:
We re-choose our current friends again and again and again.

Reality:
We re-choose some friends, but not others.
This is a case of if I knew then what I now know ...

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Fantasy do-overs are fun and enlightening.

UNHOMEWORK
Would you choose any of your current friends (who they are now) as friends if you
met them today?
List the ones you would choose.
What have you learned about each friend that would cause you to re-choose her?
List the ones you would not choose.
What have you learned about each friend that would cause you not to choose her?

REMINDER
Do you want more detailed guidance, inspiration, and information to navigate the murky waters of
menopausal/midlife friendships?
You'll find practical knowledge, relatable anecdotes, and effective solutions in Help! I Am Surrounded
By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide To Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal Mayhem And Aging Angst.
www.amazon.com
www.barnesandnoble.com

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... friends as family are ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is published weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.





Wednesday, May 1, 2013

CHEERING FOR OUR MIDLIFE FRIENDS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS GUIDE® TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #97 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
CHEERING FOR OUR MIDLIFE FRIENDS

What a concept - midlife cheerleaders.
Clearly, we don't have to wear skimpy outfits and shake our ... ummm ... pom poms (unless you
want to), but all of us need cheerleading - especially now.
The essence of cheerleading is to root with sincere enthusiasm.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if midlife friends cheered with sincere enthusiasm for each other.

What is there to cheer for during the double milestone of menopausal mayhem and aging angst?
Simply - anything and everything.
Success and accomplishments range from quitting smoking (for the 16th time), exercising (finally), job promotion (well-deserved), to winning The Nobel Peace Prize for curing hot flashes (why not).

As we strive to achieve success and accomplish goals, quality friends encourage
and support each other.
When we achieve success and accomplish goals, quality friends are happy
for us.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Authentic cheerleading is more than the usual compliments and congratulations.
It is genuinely rooting for others.
No tinges of envy, jealousy, or insincerity are allowed. Seriously.

UNHOMEWORK
Is anyone truly cheerleading for you? Who?
Are you truly cheerleading for anyone? Who?
Are you truly cheerleading for yourself? In what ways?

REMINDER
Do you want more detailed guidance, inspiration, and information to navigate the murky waters
of menopausal/midlife friendships?
You'll find practical knowledge, relatable anecdotes, and effective solutions in Help! I Am
Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide To Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal
Mayhem And Aging Angst.


Available:
www.amazon.com
www.barnesandnoble.com

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... would you re-choose your current friends if ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:         www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012'
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth
of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.