MIDLIFE HOLIDAYS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #79 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE HOLIDAYS

It's holiday season.
Are you celebrating?
As we journey through the double milestone of menopausal mayhem and aging angst, we may
notice another change - our attitudes concerning holidays are different.

Are you experiencing joy this holiday season because ... ?
Or
Are you filled with sad regrets because .... ?
Or
Are you indifferent to the whole holiday thing because ... ?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Identifying double milestone's changing emotions is instructive.
Knowing if these new emotions are temporary or permanent is unknown.

UNHOMEWORK
Joy is your primary holiday emotion. Agree? Disagree?
If your primary emotion is not joy, what is it?
How have your holidays changed since the double milestone?
What changes do you want to make for future holidays?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
A new year of midlife magic ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:         www.Twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' 2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

ARE YOUR MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP EXPECTATIONS REALISTIC?

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
Blog # 78 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D
ARE YOUR MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP EXPECTATIONS REALISTIC?

How do we know if what we expect from friends is 'realistic?'

First things first.
What are 'realistic' expectations?
Is there a universal definition for 'realistic?'
No, not exactly.
Essentially, 'realistic' is an individual perception.

Ok, but the question is still - how do we determine if our expectations are 'realistic?'
Simple. We discuss what we want and need with each one of our friends.
And - we listen (and hear) what our friends want and need from us.
In other words, what is 'realistic' is determined between your friends and you.

Now for the complicating factor - The Double Milestone.
As we journey through menopausal mayhem and aging angst, we change; our expectations change. Relationships are affected by these changes.
Therefore, we need to keep talking to our friends.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Communication is necessary during the double milestone.
Let your friends know how your expectations have changed.
And, of course, be prepared for their changed expectations

UNHOMEWORK
What do you currently expect from your friends?
Is there one must-have? Name it?
Are there more than one must-haves? List them.
EXTRA CREDIT
Prioritize your must-haves.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
The next step - midlife friendship requirements ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:         www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.






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ARE YOUR MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS STUCK?

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #77 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D
ARE YOUR MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS STUCK?

Midlife friendships get sticky when we experience menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
Of course we know this. After all, we live it.
So, why do so many double milestone friendships get stuck?

Questions:
1. Stuck in what?
2. How do we get unstuck?

Ahhhh - if only the answers were easy.

It is natural for us to view friendship issues from our perspective.
If we want to get a friendship 'unstuck,' it is necessary to at least acknowledge our friends
have perspectives - and that they may be different from our own.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Duh! - we also know this. Really, we do. It's just that many of us forget as we navigate
menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
Moreover, we may be asked to move our positions in order to get friendships unstuck.
Add this to the list of things we forgot how to do.

UNHOMEWORK
Contemplate the concept of 'moving positions' to unstick a friendship.
What is your initial reaction?
Name the friends for whom you are willing to budge. How much?
Name the friends for whom you are unwilling to budge. Why not?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Are your midlife friendship expectations realistic?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:         www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDS CHANGE THEIR EXPECTATIONS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
Blog #76 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS CHANGE THEIR EXPECTATIONS

We have looked inward and noted how the double milestone has changed our expectations.
It's time to peek outward and note what is going on with our friends?

Are your friends changing their expectations?
Do they want more or less from you; perhaps something entirely different?
What has been your response to friends' changed expectations?


Ideally, our friends' changed expectations focus on improving the friendships.
Terrific - it is what we also want. Right?
Until ... we have to agree on what constitutes 'improvements.'
And so, the friendship frenzy continues.
Or not.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Is it possible to have frenzy-free friendships?

UNHOMEWORK
Answer the following questions - generally and then specifically for each friend.
In what ways have your friends changed their expectations?
What has been your response to their changing expectations?
Whose changed expectations most often coincide with yours?
Whose changed expectations rarely (never) coincide with yours?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Are your friendships stuck in ...?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly. If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will
automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:         www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS BLOG POSTINGS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The
Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

MEETING MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP EXPECTATIONS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #75 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MEETING MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP EXPECTATIONS

Is it really surprising that our friendship expectations change during the double milestone?
No - because by now we recognize the signs of friendship frenzy.

Do you have difficulty specifying your changed expectations?
Are you clear on what you want and need from friends?
Perhaps, you just know what you do not want and do not need.
That's a good place to start.

Our changed expectations are most noticeable when we reflect back to pre-double milestone relationships.
A range of emotions may surface when recalling what we used to accept, but
are no longer willing to even tolerate.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
If you have raised your friendship expectations, yet remain realistic - congratulations on
a major accomplishment.  Hooray!
If you are still a work-in-progress (that's most of us) - keep going and stay positive.

UNHOMEWORK
Describe your friends' responses to your changed expectations.
Detail the status of friendships that resisted your changed expectations.
Have you kept your expectations realistic? How?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife friends are also changing expectations ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:                   drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:             www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:                 www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE GRATITUDE AND THANKSGIVING

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #74 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE GRATITUDE AND THANKSGIVING

Thanksgiving is a wonderful kick-off to the holiday season.
It gives us an opportunity - before the festivities begin - to set aside time for
expressing gratitude.

How do we express gratitude?
Is there a special way? a perfect way? No and no.
The strategy is to focus on positives.
If you think you have nothing to be grateful for, think again.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Practicing gratitude is powerful.
If you turn this into a daily practice, it is life-changing.

UNHOMEWORK
*Introductory gratitude practice
~ Get started now.
~ Choose  - either when first waking up or before falling asleep.
~ Begin with one: Select one aspect of your life - be specific - for which you feel grateful.
~ Simply state - "I am grateful for ...."
~ With time, add more items to your gratitude list.

*Advance your practice. Stay tuned for details ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP EXPECTATIONS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #73 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP EXPECTATIONS

It is natural to have friendship expectations.
Some expectations are realistic; a few are not.
How do we distinguish between the two?

One simplistic method is to measure our friends' reactions.
If our expectations are - more or less - easily met, it is reasonable to
assume they are realistic.

By that same measure, if our expectations are not met, do we assume they
are unrealistic?
Maybe, maybe not

In fact, our expectations may be realistic, but we expect things from friends
who cannot, or will not, give us what we need and want.
In other words, our expectations are realistic, but we ask things from friends
who, for various reasons (excuses), place limits on their giving.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Double check your expectations.
Are they expectations most people would find acceptable?
Then, double check your friends.
Are the folks you choose as friends unable, or unwilling, to meet expectations
generally considered acceptable (by most people)?

UNHOMEWORK
What are your friendship expectations? Be specific.
Do you have different expectations for different friends? Why?
Play match. Make a list of 5 friends. Write your expectations for each.
Note similarities and differences.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Meeting friendship expectations is ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email             www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook       www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter           www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDS TAKE A LOOK BACK

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 72 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS TAKE A LOOK BACK

Most often, getting in touch with old friends is fun.
Then again,  it may be a powerful - and serious - learning experience.
When double milestoners take a look back at early relationships, we
glimpse into our past selves.

* What motivated our early friendship choices?
* What did we want from friends?
* What did we need from friends?
* What behaviors/traits were we willing to tolerate; not tolerate?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Usually, friendship choices were uncomplicated.
Many relationships were based on proximity.
We were friends with our next-door neighbor, or the girl we sat beside in school.
Uncomplicated and easy.

UNHOMEWORK
Who were your two closest childhood friends?
Have these friendships continued? If not, why not?
It may prove interesting to reach out and get in touch with early friends?
Go for it.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Meeting midlife friendship expectations ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:                 drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:           www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:               www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially, 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDS RIDE OUT THE STORM

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #71 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS RIDE OUT THE STORM

For those on the east coast of U.S. - directly in the path of Hurricane
Sandy - hope you made it through safely.
My area still has no power, heat, hot water, phone or
internet service, but we are hanging tough.

Many double milestoners rely on friends during storms - both literal and figurative storms.
Ideally, we have at least one reliable friend to count on during times of trouble.
And, our friend is able to count on us.

The storm coincided with Halloween week.
Did you get tricks or treats from your friends?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
We all need at least one person to 'count on.'

UNHOMEWORK
Complete the sentences:
1. My friends are tricky - they fool me into believing ...
2. My friends are a treat - they are a gift because ....
3. My friends are scary - I want to run away and hide when they ...
*Choose to answer each question in general for all your friends or for each individual friend.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... midlife friends take a look back ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:         www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

SEARCHING FOR MIDLIFE FRIENDS?

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #70 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
SEARCHING FOR MIDLIFE FRIENDS

In our search to develop quality midlife friendships, we've been taking
a trip down memory lane.
Many of us have experimented with social networking in order to
locate childhood friends.
I hope you are having excellent results.

Potential Results
- We reconnect with an old friend and seamlessly (and surprisingly) resume our long-ago
relationship. Wonderful.
- We realize the years apart have created a divide too wide for certain old friends to
navigate. Not a surprise.
- We learn there are one or two old friends who harbor unresolved anger toward us. Oh pul-eeze!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
It is worthwhile to double check your expectations.
Plus, it's helpful to distinguish between fantasy and reality to keep expectations grounded.

UNHOMEWORK
Have you begun to locate old friends through social networking?
Any happy reunions?
What can you do to make an old friend become a quality midlife friend?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... midlife friendships take a look back ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially The Birth of Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.

OLD FRIENDS BECOME MIDLIFE FRIENDS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #69 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
OLD FRIENDS BECOME MIDLIFE FRIENDS

We have located old friends through social networking.
What is the next step?

With some old friends - we will check in with each other, say 'hello,' and move on.
For others - we will have regular 'let's catch up' chats.
Generally, we feel warm affection and stirrings of nostalgia.
However, do not be surprised if one or two long-ago friends are not
interested in rekindling relationships.

A precious few will become solid reconnections.
Seemingly, the years melt away as you and an old friend pick up where
the friendship left off many years ago.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Decide what type of reconnection you want.
Set limits that work for you.

UNHOMEWORK
What were your expectations when you set out to reconnect with old friends?
Describe your experiences finding old friends.
Have they been positive? In what ways?
Have you had any disappointments? Why?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
...  searching for old friends

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:              drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:        www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:            www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
The Birth of Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.

OLD FRIENDS FIND MIDLIFE FRIENDS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 68 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
OLD FRIENDS FIND MIDLIFE FRIENDS

It is a special joy when old friends become midlife friends.

How does this happen?
Currently, most old friends find each other and reconnect through social media,
especially Facebook.

Many double milestoners are adept at using social media and probably
already located old friends. Good for you.
However,  there are those of us still learning.

Here's a few basic tips for finding, and being found, by old friends.
Obviously, childhood friends remember our unmarried names.
You may be surprised how many women, posting to social media sites using their
married names, wonder why no old friends are contacting them. Duhhhh!

There is an easy solution.
Post both your unmarried and married names as your Facebook identity. Double Duhhhh!

Then there is the issue of posting a photo to social media sites.
A few wise folks have posted current photos along with a positive attitude, essentially
stating 'this is what 50, 60, 70 (insert your age) looks like.'

Even if posting a current photo, there are double milestoners who refrain from
using close-ups.
Others use photos from high school days.

 FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Resist posting very personal information. For example, month and day of your
birthday is sufficient. It is not necessary to give year of birth.
Be aware of 'privacy settings.'

UNHOMEWORK
Consider joining Facebook, Linkedin, Instagram, Twitter, etc.
Consider posting a photo.
Ask for help from experienced posters, especially concerning 'privacy settings.'

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Old friends become midlife friends ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlife memos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:           www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
The Birth of Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDS WERE OLD FRIENDS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 67 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS WERE OLD FRIENDS 

What can we expect when we reconnect with an old (childhood) friend?

Actually, the response is pretty obvious.
It depends on what the childhood friendship was like.

If we had a happy friendship, with positive memories, we hope for
more of the same.

On the flip side, if it was an unhappy friendship, with negative
memories, is it realistic to expect a fresh start?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Before contacting an old friend, remember back to the reasons why the
friendship ended. Feelings - both positive and negative -  may linger, even
after many years.

UNHOMEWORK
Are you considering contacting old (childhood) friends?
Why do you want to reconnect?
Do you remember the reasons why the friendships ended?
What are your expectations?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Old friends find midlife friends ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:         drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:   www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:       www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially The Birth of Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDS REACH OUT

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 66 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS REACH OUT

Now, more than ever, we have opportunities to reach out to
long-ago friends - if we choose.

In the past, every decade or so, many of us attended school reunions.
It was fun to see old friends, update each other on our news, and walk down
memory lane.
Despite promises to keep in touch, most often we lost contact until the next reunion.

Social media has changed the way childhood friends reconnect.
Geography, busy schedules, family obligations, and ... er ... weight gain, do not matter.
Friends have the ability to contact each other without face-to-face meetings.
We can choose if and when to respond. Perfect!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
For various reasons, there are folks who have not yet joined social networking sites.
It may help to keep in mind that you retain control of your contacts. Just sayin'

UNHOMEWORK
Have you used social networking to reach out to old friends?
What has been your experience?
Do you recognize friends you have not seen in 20; 30; or more years?
Do they recognize you?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife friends were old friends ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:               www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:         www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:             www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
The Birth of Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP TRIBE

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 65 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP TRIBE

Have you seen a revival of the play, 'Hair?'
If so, were you transported back in time?
For those who have never seen or heard of the play 'Hair,' it portrays a tribe
of 1960's anti-war hippies. Tribe refers to the group of friends.

For many double milestoners, the play triggers special memories,
fond thoughts, and wistful feelings.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Memories of 'the good old days' are usually shaded with rosy-colored glasses.

UNHOMEWORK
When you were younger, were you part of a tribe - a group of friends?
Are you currently part of a tribe?
Would you like to have a group of friends?
What is the ideal number of friends necessary to form a tribe?
How do double milestoners find a tribe?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife friends reach out ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
The Birth of Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.

COMPARE & CONTRAST MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #64 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
COMPARE & CONTRAST MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS

Does the phrase 'compare and contrast' bring back memories of
high school exams?

It's instructive to reflect back and remember other aspects of high school,
especially long ago friendships. Interesting tidbits about our current friendships may surface.
In other words, we can transform the overused 'compare and contrast' phrase and put
it to good use as we view our current friendships.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Sharing the seasons of life with at least one childhood friend is a special gift.
Treasure the friendship if you are fortunate enough to have it.

UNHOMEWORK

Compare and Contrast:
- your current friendship needs to what you needed in high school.
- your current friendship wants to what you wanted in high school.
- your current level of friendship satisfaction to what you felt in high school.
(Interpret satisfaction in any way that suits you.)

You may want to go back to friendships before high school. Go as far back in time as
your memory allows. However, there is no need to compare and contrast high school
and current memory skills. We all know the deal.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... where's my tribe ...?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:               drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:         www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:             www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
The Birth of Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDS RETURN TO HIGH SCHOOL

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #63
MIDLIFE FRIENDS RETURN TO HIGH SCHOOL

Everything was so much simpler back in high school. Really?
Most memories of high school revolve around our friends - or lack of them.

What can our high school friendships teach us? It's time to take a trip
down memory lane and find out.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Friendship patterns develop when we are young. To move forward, it is
instructive to uncover our past - at least parts of it - and determine what patterns need
updating.

UNHOMEWORK
- Did you have many high school friends? Did you have just one or two?
- Was it easy or difficult for you to make friends?
- How did you select your friends? What qualities attracted you?
- Would you (now, as an adult) choose those same friends today? Why? Why not?
- Did your friends select you?
- Why do you think they chose you? What qualities did you offer?
- Would your childhood friends (now, as adults) pick the current you as a friend? Why? Why not?
- Have any of your high school friends remained in your life?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Where is my tribe?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:            drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:      www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:          www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES,  click '2010' '2011' '2012.' Keep scrolling
all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially The Birth of
Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.

QUALITY MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #62 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
QUALITY MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS

Have you completed your lists of qualities you want and need in
midlife friendships?
Reminder: They are useful.

As you review your lists, take note of friendship needs and wants you did not
require or desire previous to the double milestone of menopausal mayhem and aging angst.

It is reasonable for our lists to be somewhat fluid during the double milestone.
Not that women are moody or anything but, isn't it interesting -  as our bodies change
and emotions fluctuate, our needs and wants evolve.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Most of us are experiencing shifts in many relationships.
This is a by-product of the double milestone.

UNHOMEWORK
- In what ways have your friendship needs shifted since the
arrival of the double milestone?
- In what ways have your friendship wants shifted since the
arrival of the double milestone?
- List the steps you have taken to fill these new needs and wants.
(Nothing to put on your list? Don't worry. Most of us have not yet gotten started.
We are working our way up to it - uh huh.)

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... high school flashback alert ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.Twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially The Birth of Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP CRITERIA

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 61 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP CRITERIA

We are ready to make a fresh start.
Uhhhh ... can we do this tomorrow?
We're eager to meet new people.
Well ... depending on the day.
We want to build quality friendships.
Yes ... definitely.

But ... exactly how to we get started?
We begin by establishing friendship criteria.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Establishing friendship criteria takes a bit of time and a lot of thought.
It is worth it.

By the way,  establishing friendship criteria is one of the many topics included in my
soon-to-be released book,  Help! I Am Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide
 to Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal Mayhem and Aging Angst.

UNHOMEWORK
Write two lists.
1. List the qualities you need in a friendship.
2. List the qualities you want in a friendship.
Be specific.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... quality midlife friendships are ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES,  click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially The Birth of Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.
.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP BETRAYAL

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #60 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP BETRAYAL?

Here's more fallout from friendship breakups ...

When we end a friendship, our mutual friends may feel compelled
to take sides.
It is fine if mutual friends take our side, but what if they do the unthinkable ... they
take our new non-friend's side. OWWW!

Best case scenario:
Our mutual friends do not take sides.

Usual scenario:
Things are awkward at first, but eventually the tension eases and everything
and everyone settles down.

Worst case scenario:
Our mutual friends take sides, form alliances, shut us out, and we loose
these friends as well. Double OWWW!!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
When we ended one friendship, we did not plan for the loss of more.
Typically, it is 11 year old girls who side with one friend and shut out the other.
Do double milestoners revert back to pre-adolescence? Perhaps.

UNHOMEWORK
Imagine:
You enter a restaurant and notice your new non-friend enjoying dinner and lively
conversation with one of your close friends.
What is your reaction - anger, sadness, disappointment, surprise, indifference, or ____ ???
- Is your reaction dependent on your dinner partner ?
- What if you are dining alone? Does it change your response?
- Rate your sense of betrayal from 0 - 10.  Explain your score.
Bonus questions:
- Do you stop by their table and say, 'hello?'
- Or do you say something else? (Uh - huh, I thought so.)

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... I want my midlife friendships to be ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
The Birth of Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP FALLOUT

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #59 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP FALLOUT

Our breakup with a friend affects others.
Usually, we were either part of a large group or shared a couple of mutual friends.
The breakup of a relationship creates dilemmas for those other friends.

Tension mounts when our friends plan activities.
If a mutual friend wants company -  dinner,  movie, weekend getaway -  she wonders if
you will get upset if she invites your new non-friend.
Will you?
Your friend wonders if it wise to invite both you and your non-friend.
 Ummm - no!

Your mutual friend's anxiety increases when she plans a major celebratory occasion.
She has to determine whether to invite both non-friends.
If not, which of the non-friends gets omitted from the guest list?
How will you react if it's you who gets left out?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Mutual friends may attempt to get us to reconcile with our new non-friend.
They may be tempted to arrange meetings to get us together.
Frankly, it easier for them if you and your non-friend reconcile.

UNHOMEWORK
Do you participate in group activities if one of your non-friends is present?
Why? Why not?
Describe your response if well meaning friends set up a meeting with your new non-friend.
What is the best way to tell your mutual friends to, 'butt out?'

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... alliances get formed when ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlife memos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:         drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:   www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:       www. twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will related.

ENCOUNTER WITH MIDLIFE NON-FRIENDS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS

THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST

BLOG #58 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.

ENCOUNTER WITH MIDLIFE NON-FRIENDS

We ended a friendship.

It was a clean break.

But, hurt and angry feelings linger.

We have not spoken to our new non-friend since the break-up.

Nor have we seen each other.

Dilemma:

We both have been invited to attend an event.

It is an important occasion.

What do non-friends do?

 Questions:

*Is it wise for new non-friends to attend the same event?

*Can ex-friends avoid an uncomfortable encounter?

*Are you able to act festive (even if you're upset) and not ruin the event for others?

In other words,

*Can I be civil to my ex-friend? Can I expect my ex-friend to be civil to me?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Most of our friendships are not isolated relationships. 

We have mutual friends, shared activities, and entangled alliances.

The first post-breakup encounter is always awkward.

Be cordial by saying, 'hello.' 

Then move on.

No further conversation is necessary.

UNHOMEWORK

What will you do in this situation?

1. Will you attend the event?    

If so, what will you say or do when seeing your non-friend?  

2. Will you refuse to attend the event?  

If so, at what cost? What are you giving up by avoiding your non-friend?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC

... our new non-friendships affect ...

HELPFUL HINTS

Midlife Memos is posted weekly.

If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.

Or

Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE

CONTACT INFORMATION

Email:         www.drwendykyman@gmail.com

Facebook:   www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

Twitter:       www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS

To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'

Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially

'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.     

MIDLIFE NON-FRIENDS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #57 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE NON-FRIENDS


We have declared our independence from toxic relationships
As a result, we ended at least one friendship - perhaps more.
A few days or weeks later, we unexpectedly see each other.
Awkward!
Maybe, maybe not

How do new non-friends relate to each other?
We wonder:
Do non-friends have to relate to each other?
No. You do not have to ... anything.
What is it you want to do?

Trust yourself to judge the situation.
For some non-friends, a casual greeting is suitable.
For others, avoidance is best.

Being civil is always a good choice.
Opt for a simple 'hello.'
Or try out a nod.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Recently, I have developed a fondness for the simple head nod.
It is a handy, often overlooked, gesture.
Have fun sampling different nods.
.
UNHOMEWORK
Where are you most likely to see your new non-friend?
What will you do when you see her?
What will your non-friend do? Any ideas?
Be prepared for anything.
She may surprise you. You may surprise yourself.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... unavoidable encounters with ex-friends ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES - click '2010' '2011' '2012'.
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess'. I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP INDEPENDENCE

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #56 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP INDEPENDENCE


It is the 4th of July.
Time to rejoice.
Also, a perfect time to declare your independence from
negative and hurtful relationships.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Gaining independence is a midlife must-do.
It will take focus and determination, but the pay-off is well worth it.
Go for it!

UNHOMEWORK
Take the next couple of weeks to complete the following project.
1. If you haven't had a Pity Party, now is the perfect time.
2. Develop a plan:
- How will you rejoice once you declare your independence from toxic friends?
3. Look ahead:
- What is your next step in coping with the friendship frenzy
 of midlife mayhem and aging angst?

Stay tuned for suggestions and solutions.
Midlife Memos will return in a couple of weeks.

NEXT TOPIC 
... encountering an ex friend is ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:               drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:         www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:             www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' 2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP PARTY

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #55 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP PARTY



Are you claiming you're not ready to release the pain of a lost friendship, aka being dumped?
Oh yes, you are.
How?
With a Pity Party?

DIRECTIONS:
1. Put aside one hour of uninterrupted time.
2. Set an alarm clock to ring after one hour.
3. During the designated time, focus solely on feelings related to being dumped.

4. Let it out.
Express yourself:
- cry, yell, punch pillows, whatever works.
- talk to your friend's picture, say everything
- on paper, write down all your feelings

When time is up, STOP.

5. Let it rip.
Take the paper on which you wrote your feelings:
- shred it
- burn it (safely, please)
- put it in a garbage disposal

6. Let it go.
As the written words disappear, give yourself shout - outs:
- soothing affirmations
- accolades
- cheers for a job well done

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
If you need more time to spend on your Pity Party, take it.
But first, it is mandatory to answer the following question:
- How much time are you willing to give up to wallow (yes, wallow) over a lost relationship?

MORE FOOD FOR THOUGHT
This is a simple Pity Party.
In depth Pity Parties are beyond the scope of this setting.

However, strategies for coping with double milestone friendship frenzy, including
guided Pity Parties, are available in my upcoming book,
Help! I Am Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide To
Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal Mayhem And Aging Angst .

UNHOMEWORK
Plan your Pity Party.
Gather your supplies:
- picture of your friend
- pen and paper
- alarm clock
- affirmations, accolades, cheers

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... it is time to rejoice ...


HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe, ' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com


NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially The Birth of Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.







...****

I AM SO OVER THIS MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #54 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
I AM SO OVER THIS MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP

"I am so over you!"
Are you ready to say these words to the friend who dumped you?
Why? Why not?

IF YOU ARE over the pain and loss of a friendship:
- what did you do to let go?
- what strategies were effective; what strategies were not effective?
- how much time did the process of letting go take?

IF YOU STILL feel deeply hurt by the loss of a friendship:
- what did you do to let go? anything at all?
- why do you think your attempts to let go were ineffective?
- what strategies are you planning to do next?
- how much time have you allowed for letting go?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Of course, the end of a friendship can not be ignored.
Being dumped hurts.
However ...
Time and energy are precious as we journey through the double milestone.
Determine how much time and energy you are willing to spend (squander)
on a friend who does not want a relationship with you?

UNHOMEWORK
Focus on joy:
List three (or more) joyful ways to spend your time.
List three (or more) joyful ways to spend your energy.
Do at least one of these joyful activities a day.
Compare and contrast:
What is better - joyful activity or mournful moping?
We all know the answer - Right???

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... let's party ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:              drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES,  click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

NO CHANCE FOR A MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 53 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
NO CHANCE FOR A MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP

Hopefully, you had a wonderful 'prepare for summer' shopping break.
It's time to get back to friendship frenzy.

Let's review:
Our current topic  - getting dumped by a friend. SIGH!
She wants to end the friendship - we don't.
Our friend has rejected all attempts to repair the relationship.

We question:
What happened to this friendship?
Why did we think the friendship was solid when our friend did not?
How do we handle the pain and shock caused by our friend's actions?

Frankly:
We thought we were the only ones deciding whether or not
to end friendships.
We learned the hard way that our friends are busy with their
own decision making?

Solution:
It is awful to be left with unexpected pain.
What can we do?
We do the only thing possible - LET GO!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Letting go allows us to create room to invite new, quality friends into our lives.

UNHOMEWORK
Design a strategy to let go.
It is essential to include a time frame.
Specify how long it will take you to let go.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... I am so over you ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to Midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.  Keep scrolling all the way
to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE MEMOS SHOPPING PAUSE

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #52 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE MEMOS SHOPPING PAUSE


One more week of enjoying late spring seems like a terrific idea.
Pausing from our friendship 'stuff' helps clarify our thoughts and feelings.

On the other hand:
Here's a dilemma that may crop up while you are preparing for summer:
You and a friend go shopping for swimwear.
As usual, both of you try on dozens of swimsuits.

Finally,
Your friend decides to purchase a suit that is very unflattering
to her figure.

AN IMPORTANT FRIENDSHIP QUESTION:
If your friend asks, will you give your honest opinion? Why? Why not?
If your friend does not ask, will you still provide feedback? Why? Why not?

THE MOST IMPORTANT FRIENDSHIP QUESTION:
Do you want your friend's honest opinion concerning how your
swimsuit looks on your figure? Why? Why not?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Knowing what boundaries we can cross and those we cannot are integral to
friendships.

UNHOMEWORK
Take the swim wear challenge.
When you put on a swimsuit:
 - Pay attention to your inner dialogue.
 - Is it positive or negative?
 - Resist the urge to make negative comments about your body.
 - Instead, focus on the positives.
 - Give yourself at least one compliment.
The more positives the better.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC 
Next week our break is over. We resume the friendship frenzy
of menopausal mayhem and aging angst:
... no second chance, now what ... ?


HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       www.facebook/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP PAUSE

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 51 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP PAUSE


For quite some time, we have been intensely scrutinizing our friendships.
Let's pause.


UNHOMEWORK
Relax and celebrate the unofficial beginning of summer.
Yay!!!!
Maybe spend time shopping for swim wear.
Or not.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
For most of us, trying on bathing suits in lighted, mirrored rooms
is not a relaxing or celebratory event.
If it is, I am impressed.



SEE YOU NEXT WEEK.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP SECOND CHANCE?

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #50 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP SECOND CHANCE?


Have you been dumped?
Has a friend told you the relationship is finished?

How do we handle the unexpected pain of it all?
What if we want the friendship to continue?

OPTIONS
* If your friend offered a plan to repair the friendship:
- you can agree to conform to her idea
or
- you can offer a plan of your own.

*If your friend has not offered a plan to repair the friendship:
- you can ask to work together on strategies to save the relationship.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Your friend may refuse to give you an explanation. OWWW!
Nor is she interested in repairing the relationship. GEESH!
In this case, her actions speak very loudly. IT'S OVER!

UNHOMEWORK
In the event your friend is interested in repairing the friendship, write up
a plan.
Is your friendship plan balanced?
Does your plan include proposals you will not, can not keep?
Will your friend agree to the plan? Why?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... an ex encounter - awkward, painful, easy ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:            www. drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:      www. facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP SHOCKER

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 49 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP SHOCKER


Oh no, she didn't.
Oh no, she wouldn't.
Oh no, she couldn't.

Yes, she did.
Yes, she would.
Yes, she could.

Without warning (or so it seems), a friend ends our friendship.
It is a shock because we never thought this relationship was in trouble.
In fact, we considered the friendship 'solid' and want it to continue.

However ...
Our friend had a different idea.
She chose to let go.
OUCH! Being dumped hurts.
When we are not prepared, somehow the pain feels sharper.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
All of us know friendships are shaky during menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
No need for paranoia, but - expect the unexpected.

UNHOMEWORK
Has your friend offered a reason for ending the friendship?
Is her reason valid? Explain.
What was your reaction?
Did you attempt to change her mind? In what ways?
How far would you go to save this friendship?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... Is there a chance for midlife friends to ... ?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

DO MIDLIFE FRIENDS HAVE RIGHTS?

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #48 by Wendy Kyman Ph.D.
DO MIDLIFE FRIENDS HAVE RIGHTS?

Do we have a right to ask for 'things' from our friends?
What 'things?'

Do our friends have a right to ask 'things' from us?
What 'things?'

Let's get specific ...

Is it acceptable to ask a friend to change a behavior?
For example, would you ask a friend to:
                          stop smoking
                          stop drinking
                          stop lying
                          other ...

Is it acceptable for a friend to ask you to change a behavior?
For example, if a friend asked, would you:
                          stop smoking
                          stop drinking
                          stop lying
                          other ...

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Asking is different from demanding.
Demanding with consequences is an ultimatum - an either/or  -
"Either you stop .... or I will ...

UNHOMEWORK
Has a friend ever issued you an ultimatum?
How did you respond?
Would you respond the same way again?
Why? Why not?

Have you ever issued an ultimatum to a friend?
Would you do it again? Why? Why not?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... oh no she didn't ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly. If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will
automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email:               www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:         www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP - GIVE AND TAKE

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #47 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP - GIVE AND TAKE


Are you continuing to view your friendships from your friends' perspectives?
How is it going?

Have any of your friends issued ultimatums?

A friend may ask you to change a behavior in order to keep
the friendship.
Is there anything you are willing to change?
What? For Whom? Why?

A friend may ask you to give up another relationship in order to
keep the friendship.
Is there anyone you are willing to give up?
Who? For Whom? Why?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Obviously, compromise is essential in all relationships.
There is always give and take.
The challenge:
To find the right balance between the giving and the taking.

UNHOMEWORK
Are you more of a giver or taker?
Explain.
Have you noticed a change in what you are willing to give since the
double milestone of menopausal mayhem and aging angst?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... do we have a right to ... ?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:         drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:   www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier posts, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

THE MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP AUDIT

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #46 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
THE MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP AUDIT


Yay!
Taxes are done, so we turn our attention to a different
kind of audit: The Friendship audit - from your friends' points of view.

In other words, your friends get a turn to scrutinize you

Following up last week's Unhomework:
* Do you acknowledged your friends may have complaints about you?
* Are you able to identify the complaints?
* Can you accept these are reasonable complaints?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
If you acknowledge your friends' complaints are valid, you have serious
thinking to do.

UNHOMEWORK
Are you willing to change your behavior to keep a friendship?
If yes,  be specific. What behavior would you change for which friend?
Would you rather change your friends than change a behavior?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... To keep a friendship, I will ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #45 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS


If we view our friendships from the other side - our friend's perspective - do we
have reason for concern?

Let's see:
1. Friendships are two-way streets - obviously!
2. Our friends are probably going through their own version of menopausal mayhem
and aging angst - uh - oh!

Conclusion:
Be prepared - for anything and everything.

For example:
The Friendship Break - how will you respond if a friend asks you for one?
The Big Talk - what will be your reaction if a friend initiates this?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Quite a few menopausal/midlife friendships are shaky.
Expect the unexpected.

UNHOMEWORK
If friends express complaints concerning your role in the relationship:
- will all your friends have the same complaint/s? Details, please.
- will each friend have different complaints? List friend and her perceived complaint.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... complain, complain, complain ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:        drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:  www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' 2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.
-

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP SWITCH

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 44 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP SWITCH


Thus far, the friendship discussion has be focused on your side
of the story.
You have been encouraged to assess your friendships.
Some of you have taken The Friendship Break.
Others have had The Big Talk.
More than a few have said goodbye to long time friends.

It is time to switch things around.
Take a look at your relationship from a friend's perspective.
Is it possible one of your friends is contemplating ending the friendship?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Most of our friends are also experiencing menopausal mayhem
and aging angst.

UNHOMEWORK
Can you imagine any of your friends wanting to end the friendship? Who?
What complaints do you think your friends have about you?
Are their complaints valid?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... how will you respond when ... ?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com.

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email           www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook     www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

MY MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP IS OVER

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #43 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MY MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP IS OVER


The decision has been made.
After trying your best, you are ending a friendship.

Various attempts to save it were unsuccessful.
You tried a 'cooling off' period - a friendship break.
Most of the problems were not resolved.
You had The Big Talk.
 It did not go well.

Keep in mind:
letting go of what we do not want - difficult friendships,
creates space for what we do want - quality friendships.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
If you decide to end a friendship, expect some surprises.
You may occasionally miss your former friend.
This is to be expected.
Usually, the feelings fade as you move forward and create quality friendships.

UNHOMEWORK
How do you anticipate feeling once the friendship is over?
Will you be sad, relieved, angry, exhilarated ...?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP IMPOSSIBILITY
... no she didn't ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:        www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:  www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

AFTER THE MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP BIG TALK

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #42 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
AFTER THE MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP BIG TALK


Have you followed through with your plans for The Big Talk? Why? Why not?
Did you tell your friend exactly how you feel? Everything?
What did you leave unsaid? Why?

How did your friend react?
What was your response to your friend's reaction?

Will you have The Big Talk with another friend? Why? Why not?
If yes, will you change any part of your plan?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The purpose of The Big Talk is to resolve friendship issues.
After all our discussions, you may choose not to go through with The Big Talk.
It is not always the best choice.

UNHOMEWORK
If you did follow through with The Talk:
- List the positives and negatives of your Talk.
- Indicate the parts of your plan that were successful and those that were not.
- Did anything unexpected occur?
If you did not have The Talk:
- Do you have a back-up plan? Describe.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
It's Over
... you did your best ... Really?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The
Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE SPRING BREAK

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #41 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE SPRING BREAK


Let's take a break and embrace the wonders of the Spring.

It is the season of new beginnings.
Imagine ...
Plan ...
Do ...

Or
Just be ...

Most of all
ENJOY!!!

MIDLIFE FRIENDS TALK - REALITY CHECK PART 2

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MISERY AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #40 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS TALK - REALITY CHECK PART 2


We are putting the finishing touches on our plan for The Big Talk.

Ideally
You begin to express your feelings.
Reality Check
*Your friend interrupts before you finish the first sentence.

Ideally
You ask to continue speaking without interruption.
Reality Check
Your friend:
 *refuses to stay and listen.
* sticks around to hear what you say. Then she walks out
* responds with strong words, shouts, tears and ...

Ideally
You thoroughly and flawlessly state what you want and need to make the friendship work.
Reality Check
*You have to listen (and hear) your friend state what she wants and needs to
make the friendship work.

UNHOMEWORK
Which one of the above reactions is your friend likely to bring to The Big Talk?
Can you predict what she wants and needs from the friendship?
Are you willing to hear what she says?
Are you willing to follow through?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
The Big Talk Aftermath
... we resolved ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:         drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:   www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.



*

MIDLIFE FRIENDS TALK - REALITY CHECK PART 1

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #39 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS TALK - REALITY CHECK PART 1


We make the decision to have The Big Talk with a friend (or two).

We carefully plan and prepare.
Ideally
From invitation to aftermath, The Big Talk goes smoothly.
Reality Check
We cannot plan or prepare for everything.
 *Expect the unexpected.

You invite your friend to meet.
Ideally
Your friend agrees - no questions asked.
Reality Check
Your friend asks questions.
*why, what, how come
*etc. etc. etc.

Finally, the day of The Big Talk Arrives.
Ideally
You flawlessly express your feelings concerning the friendship.
Reality Check
The unexpected happens.
*You forget your reading glasses and can't read your notes.
*Surprise. At the last minute, your friend (or you) has to cancel.
*The Talk gets interrupted by a neighbor who stops by to chat.
*... and so on.

TO BE CONTINUED ...

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Reality Checks provide further preparation for The Big Talk.


UNHOMEWORK
What  'reality checks,' specific to your situation, need to be included in
your preparation?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
MIDLIFE FRIENDS TALK - REALITY CHECK PART 2

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDS GET IT TOGETHER

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
Blog # 38 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS GET IT TOGETHER


Our plans for The Big Talk are almost finished.
Just a few more details to prepare.

WHERE:
Where do we hold The Big Talk?
Choose a cafe, restaurant or park.
Never choose your home. It gives you the advantage.
It is best to meet and talk someplace neutral.

WHEN:
When do we hold The Big Talk?
Soon after you issue the invitation.
Do not let too much time pass from the invitation to the event.
Too much time to think - gives us too much time to think.  I know you know what I mean.
Less is more.

HOW MUCH:
How much time do we need for The Big Talk?
It is important to have uninterrupted time - no distractions or interruptions.
If possible, set aside three hours.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Three hours is a long time.
It is best to give yourself extra time just in case ... happens.

UNHOMEWORK
Are there other preparations you need?
Are you rethinking your plans?
The Big Talk is A Big Deal - Agree? Disagree?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife Friends Talk - Reality Check 1.

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:            drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:      www.facebook.com/drwendykyman.com

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.' Keep scrolling all the way
to read any, or all, earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDS KEEP TALKING

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
Blog #37 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS KEEP TALKING


We are in the midst of planning our Big Talk.
*Preparations are underway - check
*One friend (maybe two) has been chosen - check
*Our thoughts are organized (ok, somewhat organized) - check

What's next?
We have to invite our friend.
This can be problematic.

It is best to invite your friend for a get-together without revealing details.
Can you already predict potential problems with this plan?
Of course you can. You'll be prepared, but your friend will be surprised.

What do we do?
Invite your friend for a get-together. Tell her you want to discuss your friendship.
Resist all urges to say anything more.
Avoid holding The Big Talk on the phone, by email or text.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
This plan gives your friend a 'heads up.'
It is never a good idea to ambush friends with serious topics
- especially when we are prepared and they are not
and
- most especially not during the double milestone.

UNHOMEWORK
Have a back-up plan.
What will you do if your friend refuses your offer to get-together?
Or
What will you do if you get together, but your friend refuses to have the discussion
you so carefully planned?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
MIDLIFE FRIENDS GET IT TOGETHER
... we meet up and ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially The Birth of Swamp Goddess.
I bet you will relate.

LET'S HEAR FROM OUR MIDLIFE FRIENDS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
Blog # 36 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
LET'S HEAR FROM OUR MIDLIFE FRIENDS


After you finalize the decision to have The Big Talk, consider the following:

STEP 1
Choose one friend (maybe two) for The Big Talk.

STEP 2
Prepare your list of complaints.
Specify what you want and do not want in your friendship.
You will prepare something - Right?
During the double milestone, it is usually a good idea to spend time organizing our thoughts.
If you want to forgo preparation because you are able to spontaneously pull off a
successful Big Talk - I am impressed.

STEP 3
Prepare for your friend's reaction.
What will she say to you?
You don't think she will sit silently through your complaints - Do you?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Are you ready to hear your friend's side of the story?

UNHOMEWORK
Imagine The Big Talk from your friend's perspective.
*How do you think she will react?
*What do you think she will say about you? about your friendship?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife Friends Keep Talking
... next we have to ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:            drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:      www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDS TALK IT OUT

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
Blog #35 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS TALK IT OUT


Friends talk all the time.
We talk about major issues and endless minutia.
We talk about ourselves and other people.

The one thing we usually do not discuss -  complaints we have with each other.
It is too risky.

Expressing our feelings is called The Big Talk and it is A Big Deal.
Specifically we state:
what we want and need from a friendship
and
what we are not getting

* Why do we have The Big Talk?...
 - ideally it is an attempt to save a troubled friendship
* But ...
 - there are no guarantees the desired outcome will be achieved
* Perhaps ...
 - it may get messy and turn into The Big Drama

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Expressing what we want and need from friendships is common during
menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
The alternative is ending friendships - a choice many double milestoners are taking.

UNHOMEWORK
List the friends who are candidates for The Big Talk. Who? Why are you choosing them?
Start with one friend and see how that goes - Who? Why are you choosing her?
Before you have The Big Talk, take a deep breath and think, think, think.
Be prepared with a plan of what you want to say - Write it down.

CAUTION!
Limit The Big Talk to one or two friends.
Never have The Big Talk with more than one friend at a time.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Let's Hear From Our Friends
... be prepared for ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drewendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.