Thursday, May 27, 2010

OUR MOST PRECIOUS COMMODITY

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #18 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
OUR MOST PRECIOUS COMMODITY

CHECKING IN
Hopefully at this point in our Midlife Memos online course you are contemplating the Swamp Goddess lifestyle, starting to view life through freshly minted Swamp Goddess lenses and considering some important changes.
Or:
You are waiting. OK, go at your own pace. No pressure.

LOOKING, LOOKING - OH, THERE IT IS!
When you look through your Swamp Goddess lens, what are your 'seeing'?
My view was quite amazing and somewhat unsettling.
I 'saw' my most precious double milestone® commodity is TIME.
After all, let's get real.
How old are we at the double milestone? Yikes!
Reality is not morbid. We don't have to be in denial.
You may have heard that ignorance is bliss - No!
Knowledge is power - Yes!

WHAT A WASTE
I used basic math to calculate years lived, years left (hopefully) as inspiration. It helped.
I was compelled to admit that in my pre Swamp Goddess life, not only did I squander my time, also I disregarded its importance by freely giving it to people I did not want to be with and doing things I did not want to do.

WOW!
How did that happen?
Do you do this? Do you have difficulty saying 'no'?
This realization was a powerful demonstration of how, in my pre Swamp Goddess days, I did not claim ownership of my life.
What about you?

CHANGES
Very quickly (and rather easily) I initiated many changes, most notably how and with whom I spend my time.
Are you ready to initiate changes related to what you 'see' through your Swamp Goddess lens?
Details, please.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Ultimately, other life changes follow - all for the better.
And most importantly, with no regrets - an essential Swamp Goddess bonus.

UNHOMEWORK
Look through your freshly minted Swamp Goddess lens.
What do you 'see' as your most precious commodity?
Is it time? Something else?
List specific life changes you want to make
- short term changes
- long term changes
What will facilitate making changes?
What will impede making changes?

MORE FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The answers to these questions will help guide your journey through the double milestone.
At first, you may be undecided, unsure and unclear.
If so, start by focusing your thoughts.
Ooops! Did I really recommend 'focusing'?
What I should have recommended is 'double milestone focusing' - whatever version is working today.

REALITY CHECK
You actually know the changes you want.
In fact, you've known for a while.

 HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:                 drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:          www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

Thursday, May 20, 2010

CHA CHA CHANGES

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 17 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
CHA CHA CHANGES

How often do you blurt out - 'What's going on'?
Some days it's 3, 33, or even 103 times.
So, what is going on?
At this point, do you even have to ask?
It's the double milestone® of menopause and midlife. Yeah, that again!

THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGING
Milestones act as catalysts for change.
Don't they seem to be fueled by special super powers during the double milestone? Whew!
Whether quickly and chaotically or slowly and methodically - they come.
Both internally and externally - they come.
Some we welcome, others we dread - still they come.
Many of the changes are expected; more than a few are not.

CHANGE BY DEFAULT
Some (perhaps many) of our previous changes came as a result of someone else's decision or due to circumstances beyond our control, e.g.:
- your partner left or died
- you lost your job
and/or ...
- what are the important changes in your life that were initiated by other people or situations (not you)?
------------
------------
------------

PROACTIVE VS. REACTIVE
There is no choice and no control when we have to change by default.
Been there, done that. Time for something new.
Let's be proactive.
Swamp Goddesses believe as long as the double milestone changes are coming (or already have arrived), wouldn't it be terrific if we use them to finally live life on our terms, i.e. do what we want, with whom we want...
In other words - own our lives


FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The double milestone changes to expect:
- you will change your perspective on many, if not all, aspects of your life, particularly your relationships  with others, and most importantly, with yourself.
It is wonderful (more often than not).
We'll prepare together. Upcoming posts will focus on relationships - the changes and our choices.

UNHOMEWORK
IMAGINE:
Taking ownership of your life by actively making choices that please /suit you.
What does that look like?
Describe at least 3 choices that will please/suit you.
1.
2.
3.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
OUR MOST PRECIOUS COMMODITY
"... I was compelled to admit that, not only did I squander my most precious commodity, also I disregarded its importance by freely giving..."

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:                   drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:            www.facebook.com/drwendykyman



Thursday, May 13, 2010

NO MORE REGRETS - REALLY!

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #16 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
NO MORE REGRETS - REALLY!

CHOICES
Is it possible to live our lives with no regrets?
Of course it is, especially considering the alternative, i.e. a life filled with regrets - Ugh!

IMAGINE
Visualize doing a Life Review at age 98. (No snickering. Think positively).
What will it reveal?
a) you continued to pile regret after regret onto the stack you accumulated before the double milestone®?
Or
b) you made a definite turnaround at the double milestone - the time you declared 'No More Regrets'?

OWNERSHIP
Declaring 'No More Regrets" is a major step in owning your life.
How?
By making conscious choices.
Huh?
Let's refresh our memories.

SWAMP GODDESS PERSONA
It is a strategy designed to unlock our inner wisdom, identify, assess and, if necessary, change patterns of behavior.
SWAMP GODDESS LIFESTYLE
Goal
Swamp Goddesses actively choose behaviors that lead to living lives filled with joyful meaning and/or meaningful joy - (Either one; I like both).
With no regrets!
Plan
We implement this goal by:
Identifying what we want
Letting go of what we don't
And
Knowing the difference

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The key to The Swamp Goddess No Regrets Policy is actually quite simple.
We (no one else) choose what we want and let go of what we don't.
Any subsequent mistakes (hopefully rare) are a byproduct of owning our lives.
We (no one else) take responsibility for our life choices.
We can't blame anyone else for our mistakes. Uh-oh.

UNHOMEWORK
Begin to formulate a plan. Play with ideas and see how far you can go. It helps to create a vivid mental image.
Look into the future (you may need to put on special time travel glasses).
- How are you going to spend the next 10, 20, 40 (it could happen) years?
Visualize:
- the same relationship? Is this whom you choose?
- the same job? Is this what you choose?
- the same home? Is this where you choose?
You get the idea. Keep going with all areas of your life.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
CHA, CHA, CHANGES - THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGING
"... as long as they are coming, wouldn't it be terrific if ..."

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one. 
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.blogspot.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Website:             www.drwendykyman.com
Email:                 drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:           www.facebook.com/drwendykyman




Thursday, May 6, 2010

REGRETS ARE SO YESTERDAY

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #15 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS ARE SO YESTERDAY

HOW IRONIC
Even though our short-term memory is playing tricks on us and we can't remember where our keys are hiding or the name of the person we are having dinner with, people and events from long ago are surprisingly clear.

OVERWHELMED
Those long ago experiences comprise a unique scrapbook filled with snapshots of our lives.
As mentioned in previous postings, during the double milestone® we are bombarded with 'couldas', 'shouldas' and 'wouldas'.
Often a dose of the 'if onlys' is added to these unbidden and unwelcome blasts from the past.

EVENTUALLY
We finally let go (perhaps with help) of past hurts.
The regrets ease as we free ourselves of mistakes and missteps.
Some can be easily released.
Others have to be mourned and grieved as we acknowledge most, if not all, mistakes cannot be reversed.
Nor can we travel that long ago road not taken.

BUT...SOMETHING WONDERFUL!
We can look forward to the remainder of our lives and proclaim (loudly):
"Regrets are so yesterday"
or more specifically stated:
"From here on - NO MORE REGRETS!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Obviously, we are not perfect (ok, you may be, but definitely, I am not).
Although our intention is to have no more regrets, realistically we can expect to add a few more poor choices and mistakes to our collection.
That's life; that's being human.
The Swamp Goddess Goal - we keep poor choices and mistakes to a minimum, quickly release them and move on.

UNHOMEWORK
Spend time contemplating the meaning of : 'No More Regrets'.
Do you believe it is actually possible to live the remainder of your life with no regrets? Why? Why not?
How would you go about implementing a 'No More Regrets' policy?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
No More Regrets - Really!
"... Is it possible to live our lives with no regrets? Of course it is, especially considering..."

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES:
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:                   drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:             www.facebook.com/drwendykyman