WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 101 by Wendy Kyman, PhD
WHO WILL NEVER BE YOUR MIDLIFE FRIEND?
Do you wish to be friends with your family?
Is this wish impossible to fulfill because you are engaged in bitter feuds with siblings?
Is your #1 enemy a sister or brother?
No matter what caused the estrangement, or how long ago the fighting began,
having family members as enemies is horrible. Almost always it is worse than having
friends as enemies.
Feuds unique to families:
If you're a double milestoner and still have parents - lucky you.
As parents settle into their golden years, one or both may need assistance.
Decisions have to be made for their care.
Increase in parents' needs = increase in our stress levels.
This situation is ripe for emotional outbursts among siblings.
For some families, disagreements may escalate into bitter animosity.
~ Money, Money, Money
Interestingly, sibling conflicts are less likely when parents have little or no money.
When parents have money, siblings argue how it should be spent now and divided later.
~ Compare and Contrast Contests
Sibling rivalries tend to be unleashed when caretaking parents.
Sisters and brothers quarrel: who is doing more, who is doing less and who
is doing absolutely nothing (except giving orders and making demands).
~ Doing It All
Resentment builds quickly when one sibling does the parents' daily caregiving.
Perhaps, the other siblings live far away and can not (will not) travel to care-take parents.
Or, they claim to be 'too busy.'
Anger erupts when non-involved siblings make decisions that impact the involved sibling.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Each sibling must be responsible for at least one parent-related task.
No excuses (except their own medical issues).
Long-distance siblings may further contribute by hiring (paying) health aides to assist with
parents' care. The sibling providing daily care will appreciate the help.
If you are feuding with siblings:
~ Do you fight with friends the way you fight with siblings? Can you imagine doing so?
~ Is there any chance for family reconciliation?
~ What must be done to heal?
If you are not feuding with siblings:
~ Celebrate with big family hugs.
Do you want more detailed guidance, inspiration, and information to navigate the
murky waters of menopausal/midlife friendships?
You'll find practical knowledge, relatable anecdotes and effective solutions in
Help! I Am Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide To Friendship Frenzy Amid
Menopausal Mayhem And Aging Angst.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
If I accept you, will you accept me ... ?
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Keep scrolling to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.