WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 14 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WHERE CAN I STASH THEM?
Eraser Please
Moving forward does not mean erasing our past (ahhh...please someone invent a special eraser for the bad stuff).
Instead, we grasp that past regretful events cannot be re done.
Ideally
We learn how to prevent those past events from shaping and/or defining our current and future life.
But what about those pesky, lingering major regrets?
(Has that special eraser been invented yet?)
Hide and Seek
Many of us feel the urge to run and hide from painful regrets.
Do you?
Is your typical run and hide method swallowing down feelings with food, alcohol, prescription meds or ... (fill in your usual go-to activity)?
Or
Is your specialty transferring your hurt and anger onto someone or something else? Who? What?
Best Way
The best way to handle regrets is to embrace them.
Huh? Doesn't it sound counter intuitive?
You already know running and hiding does not help.
Also you know, in most cases, it just makes everything worse.
Q&A
Question:
Why would we want to embrace our regrets?
Answer:
Because it works.
Question:
How do we embrace our regrets?
Answer:
For a very limited* amount of time, we immerse ourselves into the feelings triggered by the regrets.
Question:
How?
Answer:
A Swamp Goddess Pity Party
CAUTION
* Alloted time for Pity Party is limited to no more than one hour per each regret.
- It should not take more than one hour to acknowledge, confront and then release regrets and emotions linked to them.
- You have spent years, probably decades, carrying these regrets. Enough!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Swamp Goddess Pity Parties are formal events.
They must be planned, with a specific objective, theme and healing outcome. (Dress is optional).
Detailed directions for Swamp Goddess Pity Parties are provided in Help! I Am Surrounded by Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide to Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal Mayhem and Aging Angst. (available soon).
UNHOMEWORK
Make a decision - Seriously???
A multiple choice question (my inner prof showing up again) will ease the decision making process.
1. Choose one of the following:
a) release regrets - You're done!
b) hold on to regrets for another ----- years (fill in how many). Why?
c) keep some regrets; let go of others (specify those that stay and those that go). Why?
d) can't/won't deal with this now. OK, indicate a better time. Why?
HELPFUL HINTS
We have already established the double milestone® is the perfect time to move forward and live The Swamp Goddess lifestyle (see posts 9, 10, 11).
The 'why' portion of each Unhomework question is essential to moving forward.
Take your time with 'why'. It is important to clarify your reasoning and/or confront your excuses.
Your may be surprised (along with various other emotions) to discover your reasoning (old excuses) no longer works. Good!
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: REGRETS ARE SO YESTERDAY
MORE HELPFUL HINTS
If you cannot let go of your regrets and are stuck in the hurt and anger from long ago events, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well- qualified professional, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.
*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
It is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish.
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
It is:
- an acknowledgment that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable/effective guide.
STILL MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Showing posts with label womenealth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label womenealth. Show all posts
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA:THE ROAD NOT TAKEN
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 12 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
TOPIC 2 TRANSITIONS
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS
AKA: THE ROAD NOT TAKEN
LIFE REVIEW
- Is your mind replaying events that happened 10, 20 or even 40 years ago?
- Are you preoccupied with misgivings concerning how you handled them?
- Do you feel sorrow because you imagine a long ago decision, or a road not taken, could have changed the direction of your life?
- Perhaps you are cringing at memories of how you allowed yourself to be mistreated?
- Or are you haunted by the memory of how you mistreated others?
'Life Reviews' are a hallmark of the double milestone® and surface often during menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
Do you imagine traveling back through time and having a do-over, because now you know the perfect words to say, the right things to do and the flawless ways to act?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
It's times like these that a rewind button sounds wonderful.
Or not?
Do you really want to go back?
UNHOMEWORK
What is your 'road not taken'?
In what ways do you imagine your current life would be different if long ago you traveled that 'road not taken'?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Regrets, Regrets, Regrets
AKA: Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda: If Only...
During the double milestone, regrets seem to pop up regularly like an uninvited guest, often interrupting...
HELPFUL HINTS
This is the first in our 'Regrets' series.
As we progress, you may realize letting go is difficult because you are stuck in the hurt and/or anger from long ago events.
If so, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well-qualified professional, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.
*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
Is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish. (if only)
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
It is:
- an acknowledgement that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable, effective guide.
MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 12 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
TOPIC 2 TRANSITIONS
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS
AKA: THE ROAD NOT TAKEN
LIFE REVIEW
- Is your mind replaying events that happened 10, 20 or even 40 years ago?
- Are you preoccupied with misgivings concerning how you handled them?
- Do you feel sorrow because you imagine a long ago decision, or a road not taken, could have changed the direction of your life?
- Perhaps you are cringing at memories of how you allowed yourself to be mistreated?
- Or are you haunted by the memory of how you mistreated others?
'Life Reviews' are a hallmark of the double milestone® and surface often during menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
Do you imagine traveling back through time and having a do-over, because now you know the perfect words to say, the right things to do and the flawless ways to act?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
It's times like these that a rewind button sounds wonderful.
Or not?
Do you really want to go back?
UNHOMEWORK
What is your 'road not taken'?
In what ways do you imagine your current life would be different if long ago you traveled that 'road not taken'?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Regrets, Regrets, Regrets
AKA: Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda: If Only...
During the double milestone, regrets seem to pop up regularly like an uninvited guest, often interrupting...
HELPFUL HINTS
This is the first in our 'Regrets' series.
As we progress, you may realize letting go is difficult because you are stuck in the hurt and/or anger from long ago events.
If so, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well-qualified professional, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.
*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
Is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish. (if only)
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
It is:
- an acknowledgement that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable, effective guide.
MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Thursday, March 4, 2010
HOW DID WE GET HERE?
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 6 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
HOW DID WE GET HERE?
Those of us in the midst of aging angst are sometimes stunned, often bewildered and rarely amused by our predicament.
We question - how did we get here? Us? Our generation getting old - no way!
We are too cool to get old.
It's all about us:
With our persistent sense of self-importance, many in our generation still believe we are changing the world by redefining life's major developmental stages - currently it's midlife and menopause.
We will not quietly surrender as we enter, explore and live each new stage of life.
We want to learn about ourselves (our favorite topic of interest), especially information that will enable us to make wise choices and maintain some sense of control over what awaits us.
What we're doing:
Moreover, many of us are still working and putting off retirement.
Lots of us are physically active and fit, follow current health trends and take care of ourselves.
We love to travel and explore new destinations.
We even do our best to keep current by imploring our children and grandchildren to teach us the latest advances in technology.
And most of all,
We have an assumption that we are still relevant.
We are, you know! Are we?
UNHOMEWORK
Are you surprised at what your life is now?
Has your life's journey been what you expected? Yes/No? Explain.
Do you consider yourself 'relevant'? In what ways?
Describe how you fit, or don't fit, the above description of 'what we are doing'.
If you are limited by physical challenges, what are your coping strategies?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Obviously, the description 'what we are doing' is a generalization.
Sadly, we are all keenly aware that some of us are not doing well.
Thus, despite generalizations, this blog is for all of us.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
'OLD' THE FORBIDDEN WORD
Do these platitudes annoy you:
'60 is the new 40'
'age is just a number'
'you are only as old as you feel'
blah, blah, blah...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will
automatically receive each new one.
Or, just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 6 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
HOW DID WE GET HERE?
Those of us in the midst of aging angst are sometimes stunned, often bewildered and rarely amused by our predicament.
We question - how did we get here? Us? Our generation getting old - no way!
We are too cool to get old.
It's all about us:
With our persistent sense of self-importance, many in our generation still believe we are changing the world by redefining life's major developmental stages - currently it's midlife and menopause.
We will not quietly surrender as we enter, explore and live each new stage of life.
We want to learn about ourselves (our favorite topic of interest), especially information that will enable us to make wise choices and maintain some sense of control over what awaits us.
What we're doing:
Moreover, many of us are still working and putting off retirement.
Lots of us are physically active and fit, follow current health trends and take care of ourselves.
We love to travel and explore new destinations.
We even do our best to keep current by imploring our children and grandchildren to teach us the latest advances in technology.
And most of all,
We have an assumption that we are still relevant.
We are, you know! Are we?
UNHOMEWORK
Are you surprised at what your life is now?
Has your life's journey been what you expected? Yes/No? Explain.
Do you consider yourself 'relevant'? In what ways?
Describe how you fit, or don't fit, the above description of 'what we are doing'.
If you are limited by physical challenges, what are your coping strategies?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Obviously, the description 'what we are doing' is a generalization.
Sadly, we are all keenly aware that some of us are not doing well.
Thus, despite generalizations, this blog is for all of us.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
'OLD' THE FORBIDDEN WORD
Do these platitudes annoy you:
'60 is the new 40'
'age is just a number'
'you are only as old as you feel'
blah, blah, blah...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will
automatically receive each new one.
Or, just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
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