WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 14 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WHERE CAN I STASH THEM?
Moving forward does not mean erasing our past (ahhh...please someone invent a special eraser for the bad stuff).
Instead, we grasp that past regretful events cannot be re done.
We learn how to prevent those past events from shaping and/or defining our current and future life.
But what about those pesky, lingering major regrets?
(Has that special eraser been invented yet?)
Hide and Seek
Many of us feel the urge to run and hide from painful regrets.
Is your typical run and hide method swallowing down feelings with food, alcohol, prescription meds or ... (fill in your usual go-to activity)?
Is your specialty transferring your hurt and anger onto someone or something else? Who? What?
The best way to handle regrets is to embrace them.
Huh? Doesn't it sound counter intuitive?
You already know running and hiding does not help.
Also you know, in most cases, it just makes everything worse.
Why would we want to embrace our regrets?
Because it works.
How do we embrace our regrets?
For a very limited* amount of time, we immerse ourselves into the feelings triggered by the regrets.
A Swamp Goddess Pity Party
* Alloted time for Pity Party is limited to no more than one hour per each regret.
- It should not take more than one hour to acknowledge, confront and then release regrets and emotions linked to them.
- You have spent years, probably decades, carrying these regrets. Enough!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Swamp Goddess Pity Parties are formal events.
They must be planned, with a specific objective, theme and healing outcome. (Dress is optional).
Detailed directions for Swamp Goddess Pity Parties are provided in Help! I Am Surrounded by Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide to Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal Mayhem and Aging Angst. (available soon).
Make a decision - Seriously???
A multiple choice question (my inner prof showing up again) will ease the decision making process.
1. Choose one of the following:
a) release regrets - You're done!
b) hold on to regrets for another ----- years (fill in how many). Why?
c) keep some regrets; let go of others (specify those that stay and those that go). Why?
d) can't/won't deal with this now. OK, indicate a better time. Why?
We have already established the double milestone® is the perfect time to move forward and live The Swamp Goddess lifestyle (see posts 9, 10, 11).
The 'why' portion of each Unhomework question is essential to moving forward.
Take your time with 'why'. It is important to clarify your reasoning and/or confront your excuses.
Your may be surprised (along with various other emotions) to discover your reasoning (old excuses) no longer works. Good!
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: REGRETS ARE SO YESTERDAY
MORE HELPFUL HINTS
If you cannot let go of your regrets and are stuck in the hurt and anger from long ago events, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well- qualified professional, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.
*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
It is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish.
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
- an acknowledgment that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable/effective guide.
STILL MORE HELPFUL HINTS
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