THE SWAMP GODDESS END OF SEMESTER REVIEW

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 19 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
THE SWAMP GODDESS END OF SEMESTER REVIEW

Hooray!
We finished our first semester of The Midlife Memos online course.
Well... almost finished.
We still have the end-of-semester Swamp Goddess Review.
AND
The culmination of our semester is The Swamp Goddess Report Card.
(I'm such a professor).
Don't worry.
It's take-home, open-book and you may take as long as you like.
PLUS
You grade yourself. Yippee!

REVIEW
Milestones act as catalysts for change.
The double milestone® - menopause and midlife - is the double whammy.
Regrets are a hallmark of the double milestone.
Swamp Goddesses aim to live the remainder of our lives with a 'No Regrets' policy.

GOAL
This semester was designed to:
- gain awareness
- guide your Swamp Goddess choices,
specifically:
- identify who and what you want
- let go of who and what you don't
and
-  to know the difference

EVALUATION
Rate your progress on meeting your goals.
1. Have you made lifestyle decisions that support your choices?
2. Have you identified what and who you want and don't want?
3. Are you spending the majority of your time with the individuals/activities that enhance and enrich your life?
Great! That's a definite 'A'.
4. Are you spending the majority of your time with individuals/activities that do not enhance and enrich your life?
If so, these follow up questions may be useful:
- Are you inspired to change?
- Are you a work in progress?
- Are you making the effort?
- Do you need more time?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
This is a self awareness exercise.
The information revealed may surprise you.

NOW WHAT?
After identifying what you want, open to receive it.
Aim high, stay positive and go for it!

SWAMP GODDESS END OF SEMESTER REPORT CARD
Grade your progress in living the Swamp Goddess lifestyle.
Keep in mind the main Swamp Goddess goal: At age 95, we shout 'No Regrets!'

That's a fully earned 'A+'.

For now, I give us all 'As for enduring the double milestone journey through menopause and midlife.

 HELPFUL HINTS
Now that we have finished our semester, The Midlife Memos online course is taking summer break.
Enjoy.
Meanwhile, keep on the lookout for my book Help! I Am Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide to Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal Mayhem and Aging Angst.
Stay in touch through email and facebook.

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:              www. drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:        www. facebook.com/drwendykyman

OUR MOST PRECIOUS COMMODITY

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #18 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
OUR MOST PRECIOUS COMMODITY

CHECKING IN
Hopefully at this point in our Midlife Memos online course you are contemplating the Swamp Goddess lifestyle, starting to view life through freshly minted Swamp Goddess lenses and considering some important changes.
Or:
You are waiting. OK, go at your own pace. No pressure.

LOOKING, LOOKING - OH, THERE IT IS!
When you look through your Swamp Goddess lens, what are your 'seeing'?
My view was quite amazing and somewhat unsettling.
I 'saw' my most precious double milestone® commodity is TIME.
After all, let's get real.
How old are we at the double milestone? Yikes!
Reality is not morbid. We don't have to be in denial.
You may have heard that ignorance is bliss - No!
Knowledge is power - Yes!

WHAT A WASTE
I used basic math to calculate years lived, years left (hopefully) as inspiration. It helped.
I was compelled to admit that in my pre Swamp Goddess life, not only did I squander my time, also I disregarded its importance by freely giving it to people I did not want to be with and doing things I did not want to do.

WOW!
How did that happen?
Do you do this? Do you have difficulty saying 'no'?
This realization was a powerful demonstration of how, in my pre Swamp Goddess days, I did not claim ownership of my life.
What about you?

CHANGES
Very quickly (and rather easily) I initiated many changes, most notably how and with whom I spend my time.
Are you ready to initiate changes related to what you 'see' through your Swamp Goddess lens?
Details, please.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Ultimately, other life changes follow - all for the better.
And most importantly, with no regrets - an essential Swamp Goddess bonus.

UNHOMEWORK
Look through your freshly minted Swamp Goddess lens.
What do you 'see' as your most precious commodity?
Is it time? Something else?
List specific life changes you want to make
- short term changes
- long term changes
What will facilitate making changes?
What will impede making changes?

MORE FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The answers to these questions will help guide your journey through the double milestone.
At first, you may be undecided, unsure and unclear.
If so, start by focusing your thoughts.
Ooops! Did I really recommend 'focusing'?
What I should have recommended is 'double milestone focusing' - whatever version is working today.

REALITY CHECK
You actually know the changes you want.
In fact, you've known for a while.

 HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:                 drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:          www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

CHA CHA CHANGES

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 17 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
CHA CHA CHANGES

How often do you blurt out - 'What's going on'?
Some days it's 3, 33, or even 103 times.
So, what is going on?
At this point, do you even have to ask?
It's the double milestone® of menopause and midlife. Yeah, that again!

THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGING
Milestones act as catalysts for change.
Don't they seem to be fueled by special super powers during the double milestone? Whew!
Whether quickly and chaotically or slowly and methodically - they come.
Both internally and externally - they come.
Some we welcome, others we dread - still they come.
Many of the changes are expected; more than a few are not.

CHANGE BY DEFAULT
Some (perhaps many) of our previous changes came as a result of someone else's decision or due to circumstances beyond our control, e.g.:
- your partner left or died
- you lost your job
and/or ...
- what are the important changes in your life that were initiated by other people or situations (not you)?
------------
------------
------------

PROACTIVE VS. REACTIVE
There is no choice and no control when we have to change by default.
Been there, done that. Time for something new.
Let's be proactive.
Swamp Goddesses believe as long as the double milestone changes are coming (or already have arrived), wouldn't it be terrific if we use them to finally live life on our terms, i.e. do what we want, with whom we want...
In other words - own our lives


FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The double milestone changes to expect:
- you will change your perspective on many, if not all, aspects of your life, particularly your relationships  with others, and most importantly, with yourself.
It is wonderful (more often than not).
We'll prepare together. Upcoming posts will focus on relationships - the changes and our choices.

UNHOMEWORK
IMAGINE:
Taking ownership of your life by actively making choices that please /suit you.
What does that look like?
Describe at least 3 choices that will please/suit you.
1.
2.
3.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
OUR MOST PRECIOUS COMMODITY
"... I was compelled to admit that, not only did I squander my most precious commodity, also I disregarded its importance by freely giving..."

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:                   drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:            www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

NO MORE REGRETS - REALLY!

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #16 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
NO MORE REGRETS - REALLY!

CHOICES
Is it possible to live our lives with no regrets?
Of course it is, especially considering the alternative, i.e. a life filled with regrets - Ugh!

IMAGINE
Visualize doing a Life Review at age 98. (No snickering. Think positively).
What will it reveal?
a) you continued to pile regret after regret onto the stack you accumulated before the double milestone®?
Or
b) you made a definite turnaround at the double milestone - the time you declared 'No More Regrets'?

OWNERSHIP
Declaring 'No More Regrets" is a major step in owning your life.
How?
By making conscious choices.
Huh?
Let's refresh our memories.

SWAMP GODDESS PERSONA
It is a strategy designed to unlock our inner wisdom, identify, assess and, if necessary, change patterns of behavior.
SWAMP GODDESS LIFESTYLE
Goal
Swamp Goddesses actively choose behaviors that lead to living lives filled with joyful meaning and/or meaningful joy - (Either one; I like both).
With no regrets!
Plan

We implement this goal by:

Identifying what we want

Letting go of what we don't

And

Knowing the difference

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

The key to The Swamp Goddess No Regrets Policy is actually quite simple.

We (no one else) choose what we want and let go of what we don't.

Any subsequent mistakes (hopefully rare) are a byproduct of owning our lives.

We (no one else) take responsibility for our life choices.

We can't blame anyone else for our mistakes. Uh-oh.

UNHOMEWORK

Begin to formulate a plan. Play with ideas and see how far you can go. It helps to create a vivid mental image.

Look into the future (you may need to put on special time travel glasses).

- How are you going to spend the next 10, 20, 40 (it could happen) years?
Visualize:

- the same relationship? Is this whom you choose?

- the same job? Is this what you choose?

- the same home? Is this where you choose?

You get the idea. Keep going with all areas of your life.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC

CHA, CHA, CHANGES - THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGING

"... as long as they are coming, wouldn't it be terrific if ..."

HELPFUL HINTS

Midlife memos is a weekly blog.

If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one. 

Or

Just come back to www.midlifememos.blogspot.com

NOTES

CONTACT INFORMATION

Website:             www.drwendykyman.com

Email:                 drwendykyman@gmail.com

Facebook:           www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

REGRETS ARE SO YESTERDAY

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #15 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS ARE SO YESTERDAY

HOW IRONIC
Even though our short-term memory is playing tricks on us and we can't remember where our keys are hiding or the name of the person we are having dinner with, people and events from long ago are surprisingly clear.

OVERWHELMED
Those long ago experiences comprise a unique scrapbook filled with snapshots of our lives.
As mentioned in previous postings, during the double milestone® we are bombarded with 'couldas', 'shouldas' and 'wouldas'.
Often a dose of the 'if onlys' is added to these unbidden and unwelcome blasts from the past.

EVENTUALLY
We finally let go (perhaps with help) of past hurts.
The regrets ease as we free ourselves of mistakes and missteps.
Some can be easily released.
Others have to be mourned and grieved as we acknowledge most, if not all, mistakes cannot be reversed.
Nor can we travel that long ago road not taken.

BUT...SOMETHING WONDERFUL!
We can look forward to the remainder of our lives and proclaim (loudly):
"Regrets are so yesterday"
or more specifically stated:
"From here on - NO MORE REGRETS!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Obviously, we are not perfect (ok, you may be, but definitely, I am not).
Although our intention is to have no more regrets, realistically we can expect to add a few more poor choices and mistakes to our collection.
That's life; that's being human.
The Swamp Goddess Goal - we keep poor choices and mistakes to a minimum, quickly release them and move on.

UNHOMEWORK
Spend time contemplating the meaning of : 'No More Regrets'.
Do you believe it is actually possible to live the remainder of your life with no regrets? Why? Why not?
How would you go about implementing a 'No More Regrets' policy?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
No More Regrets - Really!
"... Is it possible to live our lives with no regrets? Of course it is, especially considering..."

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES:
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:                   drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:             www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WHERE CAN I STASH THEM?

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 14 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WHERE CAN I STASH THEM?

Eraser Please
Moving forward does not mean erasing our past (ahhh...please someone invent a special eraser for the bad stuff).
Instead, we grasp that past regretful events cannot be re done.

Ideally
We learn how to prevent those past events from shaping and/or defining our current and future life.

But what about those pesky, lingering major regrets?
(Has that special eraser been invented yet?)

Hide and Seek
Many of us feel the urge to run and hide from painful regrets.
Do you?
Is your typical run and hide method swallowing down feelings with food, alcohol, prescription meds or ... (fill in your usual go-to activity)?
Or
Is your specialty transferring your hurt and anger onto someone or something else? Who? What?

Best Way
The best way to handle regrets is to embrace them.
Huh? Doesn't it sound counter intuitive?
You already know running and hiding does not help.
Also you know, in most cases, it just makes everything worse.

Q&A

Question:
Why would we want to embrace our regrets?
Answer:
Because it works.
Question:
How do we embrace our regrets?
Answer:
For a very limited* amount of time, we immerse ourselves into the feelings triggered by the regrets.
Question:
How?
Answer:
A Swamp Goddess Pity Party

CAUTION
* Alloted time for Pity Party is limited to no more than one hour per each regret.
- It should not take more than one hour to acknowledge, confront and then release regrets and emotions linked to them.
- You have spent years, probably decades, carrying these regrets. Enough!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Swamp Goddess Pity Parties are formal events.
They must be planned, with a specific objective, theme and healing outcome. (Dress is optional).
Detailed directions for Swamp Goddess Pity Parties are provided in Help! I Am Surrounded by Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide to Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal Mayhem and Aging Angst. (available soon).

UNHOMEWORK
Make a decision - Seriously???
A multiple choice question (my inner prof showing up again) will ease the decision making process.
1. Choose one of the following:
a) release regrets - You're done!
b) hold on to regrets for another ----- years (fill in how many). Why?
c) keep some regrets; let go of others (specify those that stay and those that go). Why?
d) can't/won't deal with this now. OK, indicate a better time. Why?

HELPFUL HINTS
We have already established the double milestone® is the perfect time to move forward and live The Swamp Goddess lifestyle (see posts 9, 10, 11).
The 'why' portion of each Unhomework question is essential to moving forward.
Take your time with 'why'. It is important to clarify your reasoning and/or confront your excuses.
Your may be surprised (along with various other emotions) to discover your reasoning (old excuses) no longer works. Good!

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: REGRETS ARE SO YESTERDAY

MORE HELPFUL HINTS
If you cannot let go of your regrets and are stuck in the hurt and anger from long ago events, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well- qualified professional, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.
*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
It is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish.
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
It is:
- an acknowledgment that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable/effective guide.

STILL MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:                 drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:          www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WOULDA, SHOULDA, COULDA; IF ONLY...

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #13 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WOULDA, SHOULDA, COULDA; IF ONLY...

Are you regretting events, encounters and decisions from your past?
Are you kidding!!!

Back in the old days of our youth:
 - Most of our regrets seemed manageable (except the bad ones - obviously).
 - Many were attributed to bad choices and silly mistakes (plenty of those).
 - We were able to chalk them up to our being too young, naive and/or inexperienced to know better (although at the time we were so sure we knew it all).

And now in the double milestone® days:
 - Regrets seem to pop up regularly like an uninvited guest, often interrupting an otherwise pleasant day.
 - More than ever before, we dwell on the past - or does it just feel that way?
 - Some regrets fill us with longing; others with real pain.

How often do you begin (or end) your thoughts of the past with:
I woulda...; I shoulda...; I coulda...; If only...???

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Doesn't the slogan "If only I knew then what I know now..." finally make so much sense?
But really:
Would you really have done ...  WHAT?
Should you really have done ...  WHAT?
Could you  really have done ...  WHAT?
If only...                                  WHAT?

Actually, we don't know - that's what compels us to conjure up our alternate universes.

UNHOMEWORK
1. List the top three recurring themes of your recollections.
    Happy themes:
    a. ----------
    b. ----------
    c. ----------
    Regretful themes:
    a. ----------
    b. ----------
    c. ----------
2. What is your reaction when your day (or night) is interrupted by a regretful blast from the past?
    Do you:
    a. try to ignore it.
    b. delve deep inside the memory
    c. obsess on 'do-over' fantasies
    d. something else - explain
3. Is your chosen method working for you? Elaborate.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS
WHERE CAN I STASH THEM?
     ... many of us feel the urge to run and hide from painful regrets...

HELPFUL HINTS
If you cannot let go of your regrets and are stuck in the hurt and anger from long ago events, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well-qualified professional*, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.

*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
It is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish.
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
It is:
- an acknowledgment that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable guide.

MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'subscribe' or 'followers' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:             drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:       www.facebook.com/drwendykyman