WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 14 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WHERE CAN I STASH THEM?
Eraser Please
Moving forward does not mean erasing our past (ahhh...please someone invent a special eraser for the bad stuff).
Instead, we grasp that past regretful events cannot be re done.
Ideally
We learn how to prevent those past events from shaping and/or defining our current and future life.
But what about those pesky, lingering major regrets?
(Has that special eraser been invented yet?)
Hide and Seek
Many of us feel the urge to run and hide from painful regrets.
Do you?
Is your typical run and hide method swallowing down feelings with food, alcohol, prescription meds or ... (fill in your usual go-to activity)?
Or
Is your specialty transferring your hurt and anger onto someone or something else? Who? What?
Best Way
The best way to handle regrets is to embrace them.
Huh? Doesn't it sound counter intuitive?
You already know running and hiding does not help.
Also you know, in most cases, it just makes everything worse.
Q&A
Question:
Why would we want to embrace our regrets?
Answer:
Because it works.
Question:
How do we embrace our regrets?
Answer:
For a very limited* amount of time, we immerse ourselves into the feelings triggered by the regrets.
Question:
How?
Answer:
A Swamp Goddess Pity Party
CAUTION
* Alloted time for Pity Party is limited to no more than one hour per each regret.
- It should not take more than one hour to acknowledge, confront and then release regrets and emotions linked to them.
- You have spent years, probably decades, carrying these regrets. Enough!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Swamp Goddess Pity Parties are formal events.
They must be planned, with a specific objective, theme and healing outcome. (Dress is optional).
Detailed directions for Swamp Goddess Pity Parties are provided in Help! I Am Surrounded by Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide to Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal Mayhem and Aging Angst. (available soon).
UNHOMEWORK
Make a decision - Seriously???
A multiple choice question (my inner prof showing up again) will ease the decision making process.
1. Choose one of the following:
a) release regrets - You're done!
b) hold on to regrets for another ----- years (fill in how many). Why?
c) keep some regrets; let go of others (specify those that stay and those that go). Why?
d) can't/won't deal with this now. OK, indicate a better time. Why?
HELPFUL HINTS
We have already established the double milestone® is the perfect time to move forward and live The Swamp Goddess lifestyle (see posts 9, 10, 11).
The 'why' portion of each Unhomework question is essential to moving forward.
Take your time with 'why'. It is important to clarify your reasoning and/or confront your excuses.
Your may be surprised (along with various other emotions) to discover your reasoning (old excuses) no longer works. Good!
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: REGRETS ARE SO YESTERDAY
MORE HELPFUL HINTS
If you cannot let go of your regrets and are stuck in the hurt and anger from long ago events, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well- qualified professional, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.
*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
It is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish.
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
It is:
- an acknowledgment that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable/effective guide.
STILL MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WOULDA, SHOULDA, COULDA; IF ONLY...
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #13 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WOULDA, SHOULDA, COULDA; IF ONLY...
Are you regretting events, encounters and decisions from your past?
Are you kidding!!!
Back in the old days of our youth:
- Most of our regrets seemed manageable (except the bad ones - obviously).
- Many were attributed to bad choices and silly mistakes (plenty of those).
- We were able to chalk them up to our being too young, naive and/or inexperienced to know better (although at the time we were so sure we knew it all).
And now in the double milestone® days:
- Regrets seem to pop up regularly like an uninvited guest, often interrupting an otherwise pleasant day.
- More than ever before, we dwell on the past - or does it just feel that way?
- Some regrets fill us with longing; others with real pain.
How often do you begin (or end) your thoughts of the past with:
I woulda...; I shoulda...; I coulda...; If only...???
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Doesn't the slogan "If only I knew then what I know now..." finally make so much sense?
But really:
Would you really have done ... WHAT?
Should you really have done ... WHAT?
Could you really have done ... WHAT?
If only... WHAT?
Actually, we don't know - that's what compels us to conjure up our alternate universes.
UNHOMEWORK
1. List the top three recurring themes of your recollections.
Happy themes:
a. ----------
b. ----------
c. ----------
Regretful themes:
a. ----------
b. ----------
c. ----------
2. What is your reaction when your day (or night) is interrupted by a regretful blast from the past?
Do you:
a. try to ignore it.
b. delve deep inside the memory
c. obsess on 'do-over' fantasies
d. something else - explain
3. Is your chosen method working for you? Elaborate.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS
WHERE CAN I STASH THEM?
... many of us feel the urge to run and hide from painful regrets...
HELPFUL HINTS
If you cannot let go of your regrets and are stuck in the hurt and anger from long ago events, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well-qualified professional*, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.
*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
It is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish.
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
It is:
- an acknowledgment that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable guide.
MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'subscribe' or 'followers' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #13 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WOULDA, SHOULDA, COULDA; IF ONLY...
Are you regretting events, encounters and decisions from your past?
Are you kidding!!!
Back in the old days of our youth:
- Most of our regrets seemed manageable (except the bad ones - obviously).
- Many were attributed to bad choices and silly mistakes (plenty of those).
- We were able to chalk them up to our being too young, naive and/or inexperienced to know better (although at the time we were so sure we knew it all).
And now in the double milestone® days:
- Regrets seem to pop up regularly like an uninvited guest, often interrupting an otherwise pleasant day.
- More than ever before, we dwell on the past - or does it just feel that way?
- Some regrets fill us with longing; others with real pain.
How often do you begin (or end) your thoughts of the past with:
I woulda...; I shoulda...; I coulda...; If only...???
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Doesn't the slogan "If only I knew then what I know now..." finally make so much sense?
But really:
Would you really have done ... WHAT?
Should you really have done ... WHAT?
Could you really have done ... WHAT?
If only... WHAT?
Actually, we don't know - that's what compels us to conjure up our alternate universes.
UNHOMEWORK
1. List the top three recurring themes of your recollections.
Happy themes:
a. ----------
b. ----------
c. ----------
Regretful themes:
a. ----------
b. ----------
c. ----------
2. What is your reaction when your day (or night) is interrupted by a regretful blast from the past?
Do you:
a. try to ignore it.
b. delve deep inside the memory
c. obsess on 'do-over' fantasies
d. something else - explain
3. Is your chosen method working for you? Elaborate.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS
WHERE CAN I STASH THEM?
... many of us feel the urge to run and hide from painful regrets...
HELPFUL HINTS
If you cannot let go of your regrets and are stuck in the hurt and anger from long ago events, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well-qualified professional*, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.
*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
It is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish.
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
It is:
- an acknowledgment that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable guide.
MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'subscribe' or 'followers' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Thursday, April 15, 2010
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA:THE ROAD NOT TAKEN
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 12 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
TOPIC 2 TRANSITIONS
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS
AKA: THE ROAD NOT TAKEN
LIFE REVIEW
- Is your mind replaying events that happened 10, 20 or even 40 years ago?
- Are you preoccupied with misgivings concerning how you handled them?
- Do you feel sorrow because you imagine a long ago decision, or a road not taken, could have changed the direction of your life?
- Perhaps you are cringing at memories of how you allowed yourself to be mistreated?
- Or are you haunted by the memory of how you mistreated others?
'Life Reviews' are a hallmark of the double milestone® and surface often during menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
Do you imagine traveling back through time and having a do-over, because now you know the perfect words to say, the right things to do and the flawless ways to act?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
It's times like these that a rewind button sounds wonderful.
Or not?
Do you really want to go back?
UNHOMEWORK
What is your 'road not taken'?
In what ways do you imagine your current life would be different if long ago you traveled that 'road not taken'?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Regrets, Regrets, Regrets
AKA: Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda: If Only...
During the double milestone, regrets seem to pop up regularly like an uninvited guest, often interrupting...
HELPFUL HINTS
This is the first in our 'Regrets' series.
As we progress, you may realize letting go is difficult because you are stuck in the hurt and/or anger from long ago events.
If so, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well-qualified professional, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.
*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
Is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish. (if only)
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
It is:
- an acknowledgement that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable, effective guide.
MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 12 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
TOPIC 2 TRANSITIONS
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS
AKA: THE ROAD NOT TAKEN
LIFE REVIEW
- Is your mind replaying events that happened 10, 20 or even 40 years ago?
- Are you preoccupied with misgivings concerning how you handled them?
- Do you feel sorrow because you imagine a long ago decision, or a road not taken, could have changed the direction of your life?
- Perhaps you are cringing at memories of how you allowed yourself to be mistreated?
- Or are you haunted by the memory of how you mistreated others?
'Life Reviews' are a hallmark of the double milestone® and surface often during menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
Do you imagine traveling back through time and having a do-over, because now you know the perfect words to say, the right things to do and the flawless ways to act?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
It's times like these that a rewind button sounds wonderful.
Or not?
Do you really want to go back?
UNHOMEWORK
What is your 'road not taken'?
In what ways do you imagine your current life would be different if long ago you traveled that 'road not taken'?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Regrets, Regrets, Regrets
AKA: Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda: If Only...
During the double milestone, regrets seem to pop up regularly like an uninvited guest, often interrupting...
HELPFUL HINTS
This is the first in our 'Regrets' series.
As we progress, you may realize letting go is difficult because you are stuck in the hurt and/or anger from long ago events.
If so, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well-qualified professional, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.
*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
Is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish. (if only)
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
It is:
- an acknowledgement that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable, effective guide.
MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Thursday, April 8, 2010
ADOPTING THE SWAMP GODDESS LIFESTYLE
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #11 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
ADOPTING THE SWAMP GODDESS LIFESTYLE
Goddesses Everywhere
Some of you are so over the whole goddess thing.
I know. So was I.
And then, remarkably and quite unexpectedly, I was transformed to Swamp Goddess. It's turned out to be a wonderful, life-altering gift.
Goddesses Everyplace
What changes, other than the usual physical ones, are you experiencing as you journey through the double milestone® of menopause and midlife?
I'm sure, by now, you have noticed a change in your perspective.
This particular shift affects what and how we 'see'.
Specifically, we 'see' events and people (even those closest to us) through a new lens.
Let's name it the Swamp Goddess lens.
In what ways does how you now 'see' affect you and your relationships?
Goddesses Everytime
Double milestoners have varied reactions to what we 'see' through this lens.
Our fluctuating moods complicate, or perhaps clarify, the situation.
On any given day or (let's be honest), moment, we are:
- irritated
- pleased
- annoyed
- amused
- saddened
- etc. etc. etc.
But...we are NOT MOODY!
When we assume the Swamp Goddess persona, it acknowledges this internal shift and change of perspective.
Adopting The Swamp Goddess lifestyle is the next step.
Both facilitate the journey through the double milestone and beyond.
And so, I'm going for it - Swamp Goddess for life!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Unfortunately we do not immediately assume The Swamp Goddess persona, adopt The Swamp Goddess lifestyle and have an automatic transformation.
If I had a magic wand and could make that happen, I would gladly do so.
Actually, it is a process that happens in stages. And, we have just completed the introductory stage.
Stay tuned.
UNHOMEWORK
When you 'see' through your Swamp Goddess double milestone lens:
- What/Who pleases you?
- What/Who annoys you?
- What/Who amuses you?
- What/Who saddens you?
- What/Who surprises you?
BTW:
Although these questions are an important step on our Swamp Goddess path, take your time.
You don't have to answer them in one sitting.
Considering our fluctuating moods, expect some 'most of the time or 'right now' responses.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Regrets, Regrets, Regrets
AKA: The Road Not Taken
Is your mind replaying events that happened 10, 20 or even 40 years ago...
HELPFUL HINTS
This concludes the introductory portion of the MidlifeMemos on-line course.
We are just getting started.
New class: Transitions.
The next few postings will focus on 'pondering our regrets'. Ugh.
Yeah we have to go there.
Regrets are a major component of menopausal mayhem and aging angst. Double Ugh.
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman.
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #11 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
ADOPTING THE SWAMP GODDESS LIFESTYLE
Goddesses Everywhere
Some of you are so over the whole goddess thing.
I know. So was I.
And then, remarkably and quite unexpectedly, I was transformed to Swamp Goddess. It's turned out to be a wonderful, life-altering gift.
Goddesses Everyplace
What changes, other than the usual physical ones, are you experiencing as you journey through the double milestone® of menopause and midlife?
I'm sure, by now, you have noticed a change in your perspective.
This particular shift affects what and how we 'see'.
Specifically, we 'see' events and people (even those closest to us) through a new lens.
Let's name it the Swamp Goddess lens.
In what ways does how you now 'see' affect you and your relationships?
Goddesses Everytime
Double milestoners have varied reactions to what we 'see' through this lens.
Our fluctuating moods complicate, or perhaps clarify, the situation.
On any given day or (let's be honest), moment, we are:
- irritated
- pleased
- annoyed
- amused
- saddened
- etc. etc. etc.
But...we are NOT MOODY!
When we assume the Swamp Goddess persona, it acknowledges this internal shift and change of perspective.
Adopting The Swamp Goddess lifestyle is the next step.
Both facilitate the journey through the double milestone and beyond.
And so, I'm going for it - Swamp Goddess for life!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Unfortunately we do not immediately assume The Swamp Goddess persona, adopt The Swamp Goddess lifestyle and have an automatic transformation.
If I had a magic wand and could make that happen, I would gladly do so.
Actually, it is a process that happens in stages. And, we have just completed the introductory stage.
Stay tuned.
UNHOMEWORK
When you 'see' through your Swamp Goddess double milestone lens:
- What/Who pleases you?
- What/Who annoys you?
- What/Who amuses you?
- What/Who saddens you?
- What/Who surprises you?
BTW:
Although these questions are an important step on our Swamp Goddess path, take your time.
You don't have to answer them in one sitting.
Considering our fluctuating moods, expect some 'most of the time or 'right now' responses.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Regrets, Regrets, Regrets
AKA: The Road Not Taken
Is your mind replaying events that happened 10, 20 or even 40 years ago...
HELPFUL HINTS
This concludes the introductory portion of the MidlifeMemos on-line course.
We are just getting started.
New class: Transitions.
The next few postings will focus on 'pondering our regrets'. Ugh.
Yeah we have to go there.
Regrets are a major component of menopausal mayhem and aging angst. Double Ugh.
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman.
Thursday, April 1, 2010
BUT WHAT EXACTLY IS A SWAMP GODDESS?
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #10 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
BUT WHAT EXACTLY IS A SWAMP GODDESS?
DESCRIPTION
The Swamp Goddess persona is a strategy designed to unlock our inner wisdom, assess and, if necessary, change patterns of behavior.
GOAL
When we conduct our Life Review at age 95, we can triumphantly exclaim 'No Regrets"!
PLAN
Identify what we want
Let go of what we don't
And
Know the difference
WE HAVE TRIED
We have read zillions of self-help books, watched and listened to endless talk shows advising us on ways to live our best lives by loving, respecting, taking care of ourselves, yada, yada, yada... ad nauseum.
SADLY
For too many of us, these books and shows have not eliminated the feelings of guilt, even selfishness, that surface if we choose what we want, rather than what others want of us.
EVEN WORSE
Lots of double milestone®women are still struggling to identify precisely what we want. We just don't know.
Or, we do know, but are frozen with fear of what change will bring.
Why keep repeating the same behaviors over and over again and then expect, hope, even plead for different results?
It's time for a new strategy.
ISN'T IT AMAZING
Countless women do not live our lives as if we actually love, respect and take care of ourselves. BUT, we are very adept at loving, respecting and taking care of others.
PERFECT TIMING
The double milestone is the perfect time to finally go after what we want.
Stay tuned as the Swamp Goddess journey unfolds.
BY THE WAY
A number of you may jump right in and quickly adopt The Swamp Goddess persona.
Others will be a bit more cautious and take things slowly.
Whatever way you go - just go.
Begin by making a commitment to yourself.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Some of us may interpret being kind to ourselves as being unkind to others. No!
A few may worry that taking care of ourselves is being selfish and neglectful of others. No!
Adopting The Swamp Goddess lifestyle does not mean we become cruel or hurtful to others.
In fact, it is quite the opposite.
It means we stop being cruel, hurtful and neglectful to ourselves.
UNHOMEWORK
Imagine viewing your life through freshly minted Swamp Goddess glasses.
List specific changes you want to make.
- Short term - (how short is short?)
- Long term - (how long is long?)
What obstacles and/or fears hold you back from making changes NOW?
And, of course, the well known question - If not now, when?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Adopting The Swamp Goddess Lifestyle
Some of you are so over the whole goddess thing. I know, I was also until...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically
receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #10 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
BUT WHAT EXACTLY IS A SWAMP GODDESS?
DESCRIPTION
The Swamp Goddess persona is a strategy designed to unlock our inner wisdom, assess and, if necessary, change patterns of behavior.
GOAL
When we conduct our Life Review at age 95, we can triumphantly exclaim 'No Regrets"!
PLAN
Identify what we want
Let go of what we don't
And
Know the difference
WE HAVE TRIED
We have read zillions of self-help books, watched and listened to endless talk shows advising us on ways to live our best lives by loving, respecting, taking care of ourselves, yada, yada, yada... ad nauseum.
SADLY
For too many of us, these books and shows have not eliminated the feelings of guilt, even selfishness, that surface if we choose what we want, rather than what others want of us.
EVEN WORSE
Lots of double milestone®women are still struggling to identify precisely what we want. We just don't know.
Or, we do know, but are frozen with fear of what change will bring.
Why keep repeating the same behaviors over and over again and then expect, hope, even plead for different results?
It's time for a new strategy.
ISN'T IT AMAZING
Countless women do not live our lives as if we actually love, respect and take care of ourselves. BUT, we are very adept at loving, respecting and taking care of others.
PERFECT TIMING
The double milestone is the perfect time to finally go after what we want.
Stay tuned as the Swamp Goddess journey unfolds.
BY THE WAY
A number of you may jump right in and quickly adopt The Swamp Goddess persona.
Others will be a bit more cautious and take things slowly.
Whatever way you go - just go.
Begin by making a commitment to yourself.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Some of us may interpret being kind to ourselves as being unkind to others. No!
A few may worry that taking care of ourselves is being selfish and neglectful of others. No!
Adopting The Swamp Goddess lifestyle does not mean we become cruel or hurtful to others.
In fact, it is quite the opposite.
It means we stop being cruel, hurtful and neglectful to ourselves.
UNHOMEWORK
Imagine viewing your life through freshly minted Swamp Goddess glasses.
List specific changes you want to make.
- Short term - (how short is short?)
- Long term - (how long is long?)
What obstacles and/or fears hold you back from making changes NOW?
And, of course, the well known question - If not now, when?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Adopting The Swamp Goddess Lifestyle
Some of you are so over the whole goddess thing. I know, I was also until...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically
receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Thursday, March 25, 2010
BIRTH OF SWAMP GODDESS
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #9 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
BIRTH OF SWAMP GODDESS
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS
One special sleepless night, about half past my double milestone® clock, I had a transcendent experience, or perhaps it was just another insomnia filled hallucination.
I awoke to my usual condition - my body and bedding were drenched in sweat (oops, I mean glowing with dewy moisture).
It seemed impossible that the blame for this nightly soaking was due to hot flashes and night sweats.
Somehow, it was easier to believe I was perpetually sopping wet because I had been magically transported to a swamp.
SWAMP LIVING
Surprisingly, the image of the swamp took hold. I embraced the notion of swamp living, but with an important stipulation.
If I am to be a swamp dweller (i.e. endure vicious hot flashes and all the other - umm - joys of menopause and midlife), then I declare myself goddess of my swamp (my life).
Thus, Swamp Goddess was born. Yippee!!!
My first decree as goddess: I must make changes to my life.
I TOOK VOWS:
1. To offset menopausal misery and aging angst, to the best of my ability and in the ways I can control, I will no longer allow any other misery or angst into my life. There is no room.
2. I will make a conscious effort to move towards making everything else in my life joyful and pleasurable.
3. I will adopt a 'no regrets' policy. (This was an afterthought but as I quickly realized, essential to the Swamp Goddess lifestyle.
CHOICES
Quite simply, by making the choice to become goddess of my swamp, I took ownership of my life.
Why didn't I think of this 50 years ago??? Imagine!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
For those of you with no hot flashes and night sweats, consider yourself lucky to have landed on a dry patch of the swamp.
However, I am sure you have other signs of menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
And so, of course you are welcome to be a Swamp Goddess.
UNHOMEWORK
What misery and/or angst would you like to eliminate from your life?
Write a list of what brings you joy/pleasure.
Is any, or all, of your pleasure food related, e.g. chocolate (my true love)?
Other than food, is joy/pleasure a regular part of your life?
How often and in what ways?
HELPFUL HINTS
We need to distinguish between joyful, healthy pleasure and sad, unhealthy indulgence.
Obviously, a detailed discussion is beyond the scope of this blog.
Simply stated:
- Swamp Goddesses strive for healthy pleasure based in joy, wisdom and positive outcomes.
- Indulgence stems from a misguided attempt to fill an emotional void by spending money on luxuries we can't afford, eating excessively until we are sick, etc. etc etc.
- Engaging in excessive and extravagant behaviors without thinking through the consequences is not using Swamp Goddess wisdom.
- Getting help* from a well-qualified counselor to bring joyful, healthy pleasure into your life, as well as healing the 'emptiness', is a wonderful double milestone® gift to yourself.
Go for it!
*COUNSELING
Is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish
- an indication or admission we have serious mental health disorders
It is:
- an acknowledgement that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable, effective guide.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
WHAT IS A SWAMP GODDESS?
The Swamp Goddess persona is a strategy designed to...
MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically
receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #9 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
BIRTH OF SWAMP GODDESS
SLEEPLESS NIGHTS
One special sleepless night, about half past my double milestone® clock, I had a transcendent experience, or perhaps it was just another insomnia filled hallucination.
I awoke to my usual condition - my body and bedding were drenched in sweat (oops, I mean glowing with dewy moisture).
It seemed impossible that the blame for this nightly soaking was due to hot flashes and night sweats.
Somehow, it was easier to believe I was perpetually sopping wet because I had been magically transported to a swamp.
SWAMP LIVING
Surprisingly, the image of the swamp took hold. I embraced the notion of swamp living, but with an important stipulation.
If I am to be a swamp dweller (i.e. endure vicious hot flashes and all the other - umm - joys of menopause and midlife), then I declare myself goddess of my swamp (my life).
Thus, Swamp Goddess was born. Yippee!!!
My first decree as goddess: I must make changes to my life.
I TOOK VOWS:
1. To offset menopausal misery and aging angst, to the best of my ability and in the ways I can control, I will no longer allow any other misery or angst into my life. There is no room.
2. I will make a conscious effort to move towards making everything else in my life joyful and pleasurable.
3. I will adopt a 'no regrets' policy. (This was an afterthought but as I quickly realized, essential to the Swamp Goddess lifestyle.
CHOICES
Quite simply, by making the choice to become goddess of my swamp, I took ownership of my life.
Why didn't I think of this 50 years ago??? Imagine!
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
For those of you with no hot flashes and night sweats, consider yourself lucky to have landed on a dry patch of the swamp.
However, I am sure you have other signs of menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
And so, of course you are welcome to be a Swamp Goddess.
UNHOMEWORK
What misery and/or angst would you like to eliminate from your life?
Write a list of what brings you joy/pleasure.
Is any, or all, of your pleasure food related, e.g. chocolate (my true love)?
Other than food, is joy/pleasure a regular part of your life?
How often and in what ways?
HELPFUL HINTS
We need to distinguish between joyful, healthy pleasure and sad, unhealthy indulgence.
Obviously, a detailed discussion is beyond the scope of this blog.
Simply stated:
- Swamp Goddesses strive for healthy pleasure based in joy, wisdom and positive outcomes.
- Indulgence stems from a misguided attempt to fill an emotional void by spending money on luxuries we can't afford, eating excessively until we are sick, etc. etc etc.
- Engaging in excessive and extravagant behaviors without thinking through the consequences is not using Swamp Goddess wisdom.
- Getting help* from a well-qualified counselor to bring joyful, healthy pleasure into your life, as well as healing the 'emptiness', is a wonderful double milestone® gift to yourself.
Go for it!
*COUNSELING
Is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish
- an indication or admission we have serious mental health disorders
It is:
- an acknowledgement that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable, effective guide.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
WHAT IS A SWAMP GODDESS?
The Swamp Goddess persona is a strategy designed to...
MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically
receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Thursday, March 18, 2010
BEFORE EMERGING AS SWAMP GODDESS
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #8 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
BEFORE EMERGING AS SWAMP GODDESS
Do you have nicknames for your double milestone® persona?
Before emerging as Swamp Goddess, I comically referred to my budding menopausal/midlife self as
'a delicate flower'.
It was my signal to others: either treat me gently or step lightly around me.
I was often heard stating: "I am in no mood for...whatever."
What are you often heard stating?
Identity Change
As menopause intensified, aging progressed and humor subsided, it seemed appropriate to select a new, bolder identity.
I could have continued with the flower theme and called myself 'hot house flower' or 'red hot rose', but those monikers didn't fully capture my hot flash-induced, drenched state of being.
Anyway
I was so over the whole flower child thing (at last!).
I wanted to more accurately denote this stage of life, mostly because I was not only continuously hot (sizzling), I also was perpetually sweat soaked (embarrassingly).
Plus, some serious real life changes were happening.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
It is difficult to find humor in our discomfort, yet we all know it does help to laugh.
Suggestions for coping with hot flashes, night sweats and other signs of menopausal mayhem and aging angst will be covered in future postings.
UNHOMEWORK
What are your double milestone nicknames?
(I hope you will choose Swamp Goddess).
OK, I know you have a list. Who and what made your 'not in the mood' list?
Is the list growing, shrinking?
What criteria do you use to add someone or something to your list?
Is it possible for someone or something to get a reprieve (taken off the list)? How?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
BIRTH OF SWAMP GODDESS
One special sleepless night, about half past my double milestone clock...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive
each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook/drwendykyman.com
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #8 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
BEFORE EMERGING AS SWAMP GODDESS
Do you have nicknames for your double milestone® persona?
Before emerging as Swamp Goddess, I comically referred to my budding menopausal/midlife self as
'a delicate flower'.
It was my signal to others: either treat me gently or step lightly around me.
I was often heard stating: "I am in no mood for...whatever."
What are you often heard stating?
Identity Change
As menopause intensified, aging progressed and humor subsided, it seemed appropriate to select a new, bolder identity.
I could have continued with the flower theme and called myself 'hot house flower' or 'red hot rose', but those monikers didn't fully capture my hot flash-induced, drenched state of being.
Anyway
I was so over the whole flower child thing (at last!).
I wanted to more accurately denote this stage of life, mostly because I was not only continuously hot (sizzling), I also was perpetually sweat soaked (embarrassingly).
Plus, some serious real life changes were happening.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
It is difficult to find humor in our discomfort, yet we all know it does help to laugh.
Suggestions for coping with hot flashes, night sweats and other signs of menopausal mayhem and aging angst will be covered in future postings.
UNHOMEWORK
What are your double milestone nicknames?
(I hope you will choose Swamp Goddess).
OK, I know you have a list. Who and what made your 'not in the mood' list?
Is the list growing, shrinking?
What criteria do you use to add someone or something to your list?
Is it possible for someone or something to get a reprieve (taken off the list)? How?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
BIRTH OF SWAMP GODDESS
One special sleepless night, about half past my double milestone clock...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive
each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook/drwendykyman.com
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