WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #88 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP WAITING
Has this happened to you?
You have given generously to a friend during her bad/low/down times.
Then, something goes wrong in your life. You turn to your friend, but ...
all she offers are excuses, excuses, and - what a surprise - more excuses for
her inability to be there for you.
At this point in life, we understand that true reciprocity occurs over the
life of a relationship.
Every one of us has good/ bad times, highs/ lows, ups/ downs.
~ Be grateful if you have more joy than despair.
~ Appreciate if you share it all with quality friends.
~ Acknowledge some friends rather take than give.
~ Are you ready to stop waiting for the takers to become givers?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Double milestone friendship frenzy heats up when we realize one (or more)
of our relationships has not been, nor will never be, reciprocal.
UNHOMEWORK
List the friends you can count on to reciprocate your generosity.
List the friends who are full of excuses explaining why you cannot count on them.
List the excuses you believe; accept. Why?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
You know when it's reciprocal ... ?
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter: www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP MATH
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #87 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP MATH
MYTH or REALITY
Equality exists in friendships.
Giving=Taking
Measuring friendship equality seems clinical, distasteful, and
just plain silly.
Perhaps, but ... lack of reciprocity is a major friendship
complaint - particularly during menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
Why are we now noticing friendship equality and complaining about inequality?
The double milestone triggers heightened sensitivities.
We tend to notice things that were previously overlooked or ignored.
For some of us, we take note, complain a bit, and move on.
For others, we take note, complain a lot, and cannot move on.
Instead, we enter friendship frenzy.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Here is a sign.
~ If you begin doing math, it is a clue that the frenzy is getting pumped up.
Double milestone math includes counting up the amount of times we
give and our friends take.
UNHOMEWORK
Are your relationships equal or unequal?
How do you know?
Do you want to change the equation?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Are you still waiting for your midlife friends to ...?
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter: www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #87 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP MATH
MYTH or REALITY
Equality exists in friendships.
Giving=Taking
Measuring friendship equality seems clinical, distasteful, and
just plain silly.
Perhaps, but ... lack of reciprocity is a major friendship
complaint - particularly during menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
Why are we now noticing friendship equality and complaining about inequality?
The double milestone triggers heightened sensitivities.
We tend to notice things that were previously overlooked or ignored.
For some of us, we take note, complain a bit, and move on.
For others, we take note, complain a lot, and cannot move on.
Instead, we enter friendship frenzy.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Here is a sign.
~ If you begin doing math, it is a clue that the frenzy is getting pumped up.
Double milestone math includes counting up the amount of times we
give and our friends take.
UNHOMEWORK
Are your relationships equal or unequal?
How do you know?
Do you want to change the equation?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Are you still waiting for your midlife friends to ...?
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter: www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.
Wednesday, February 13, 2013
DO YOUR MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS BALANCE OUT?
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS ® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #86 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
DO YOUR MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS BALANCE OUT?
Do you have balance in your midlife friendships?
This is another way of asking if your friendships are reciprocal.
Measuring friendship 'give and take' seems ... er ... well ... unfriendly.
Aren't we supposed to be generous with our friends?
Yes, of course.
But then ask yourself, why is it that our unbalanced relationships are
usually the first to fall apart during menopausal
mayhem and aging angst.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
With quality friendships, the giving and taking balance out - over time.
How much time? Ahhhh - double milestoners know this answer.
UNHOMEWORK
Take measure of your friendships.
Is there reciprocity?
Do you give more or take more?
Specify.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Equality in midlife friendships is ...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter: www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.
THE SWAMP GODDESS ® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #86 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
DO YOUR MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS BALANCE OUT?
Do you have balance in your midlife friendships?
This is another way of asking if your friendships are reciprocal.
Measuring friendship 'give and take' seems ... er ... well ... unfriendly.
Aren't we supposed to be generous with our friends?
Yes, of course.
But then ask yourself, why is it that our unbalanced relationships are
usually the first to fall apart during menopausal
mayhem and aging angst.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
With quality friendships, the giving and taking balance out - over time.
How much time? Ahhhh - double milestoners know this answer.
UNHOMEWORK
Take measure of your friendships.
Is there reciprocity?
Do you give more or take more?
Specify.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Equality in midlife friendships is ...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter: www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
ARE YOU ASKING TOO MUCH FROM MIDLIFE FRIENDS?
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #85 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
ARE YOU ASKING TOO MUCH FROM MIDLIFE FRIENDS?
Previously, we questioned when to say enough is enough to a friend when she asks
too much from us.
Let's flip the questions and explore our friends' perspectives.
Have any friends ever told you enough is enough?
Have any friends ever said you're asking for too much?
Was it one friend who told you enough is enough because you are asking too much?
Was it several or ... most (OUCH!)... friends who told you this?
What are you asking for that elicits your friends' responses?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Exploring our friends' perspectives is a necessary component in building quality
relationships.
UNHOMEWORK
How do you react when friends say enough or too much?
Are you actually asking too much from friends, or are they unwilling, perhaps, unable
to respond in the ways you want and need?
How many times do you ask friends for something before you accept they are unwilling
or unable to respond in the ways you want and need?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Do you have reciprocal midlife friendships ... ?
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter: www.twitter.com.@drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.' Keep scrolling all
the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth of
Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.
.
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #85 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
ARE YOU ASKING TOO MUCH FROM MIDLIFE FRIENDS?
Previously, we questioned when to say enough is enough to a friend when she asks
too much from us.
Let's flip the questions and explore our friends' perspectives.
Have any friends ever told you enough is enough?
Have any friends ever said you're asking for too much?
Was it one friend who told you enough is enough because you are asking too much?
Was it several or ... most (OUCH!)... friends who told you this?
What are you asking for that elicits your friends' responses?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Exploring our friends' perspectives is a necessary component in building quality
relationships.
UNHOMEWORK
How do you react when friends say enough or too much?
Are you actually asking too much from friends, or are they unwilling, perhaps, unable
to respond in the ways you want and need?
How many times do you ask friends for something before you accept they are unwilling
or unable to respond in the ways you want and need?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Do you have reciprocal midlife friendships ... ?
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter: www.twitter.com.@drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.' Keep scrolling all
the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth of
Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.
.
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
WHAT IS TOO MUCH FOR A MIDLIFE FRIEND TO ASK ?
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #84 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D
WHAT IS TOO MUCH FOR A MIDLIFE FRIEND TO ASK?
Is there such a thing as too much?
Is there ever a time when enough is enough?
What is too much for a friend to ask of you?
Under what circumstances will you tell a friend enough is enough because
she has asked too much?
Do you exempt any friends from your too much or enough is enough policy?
Since the double milestone of menopausal mayhem and aging angst,
have you changed what is enough?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The double milestone is the perfect time to pose, ponder and, when ready, answer
questions. This process enhances insight.
UNHOMEWORK
Here are potentially uncomfortable, but important questions:
Are friends actually asking too much, or is it that you are limited in
what you are able to give? Be specific.
Are friends actually asking too much, or is it that your are limited in
what you are willing to give? Be specific.
.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Are you the one asking too much ...?
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly. If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you
will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter: www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #84 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D
WHAT IS TOO MUCH FOR A MIDLIFE FRIEND TO ASK?
Is there such a thing as too much?
Is there ever a time when enough is enough?
What is too much for a friend to ask of you?
Under what circumstances will you tell a friend enough is enough because
she has asked too much?
Do you exempt any friends from your too much or enough is enough policy?
Since the double milestone of menopausal mayhem and aging angst,
have you changed what is enough?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The double milestone is the perfect time to pose, ponder and, when ready, answer
questions. This process enhances insight.
UNHOMEWORK
Here are potentially uncomfortable, but important questions:
Are friends actually asking too much, or is it that you are limited in
what you are able to give? Be specific.
Are friends actually asking too much, or is it that your are limited in
what you are willing to give? Be specific.
.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Are you the one asking too much ...?
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly. If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you
will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter: www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
ARE PSYCHIC ABILITIES A MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP REQUIREMENT?
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #83 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D
ARE PSYCHIC ABILITIES A MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP REQUIREMENT?
Do friends know what you want and need from them?
Do you know what friends want and need from you?
Some folks with advanced psychic abilities are supposedly able to read minds.
Imagine having a skill that makes it unnecessary to ask uncomfortable
questions or have dreaded discussions.
On the other hand, do you really want to know what goes on in the minds of others?
For us non-psychics, we have a choice.
Either sharpen psychic abilities or have frank discussions with friends concerning
needs, wants, changes, ...
During the double milestone, neither choice suits us.
Why?
- We are not in the mood
- We fear the consequences
Instead, we make assumptions.
- We assume to know what friends want and need.
- We assume friends know what we want and need.
How's that working out for you?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Have you heard what happens when we assume?
It makes an ... (fill in the blank) out of u and me
Obviously, it's never a good idea.
UNHOMEWORK
What assumptions do you make?
Do you assume friends want and need the same things you do? Give details.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
The consequences we fear the most are ...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly. If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will
automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter: www.twitter.com.@drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.' Keep scrolling all the
way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth of Swamp
Goddess.' I bet you will relate.
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #83 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D
ARE PSYCHIC ABILITIES A MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP REQUIREMENT?
Do friends know what you want and need from them?
Do you know what friends want and need from you?
Some folks with advanced psychic abilities are supposedly able to read minds.
Imagine having a skill that makes it unnecessary to ask uncomfortable
questions or have dreaded discussions.
On the other hand, do you really want to know what goes on in the minds of others?
For us non-psychics, we have a choice.
Either sharpen psychic abilities or have frank discussions with friends concerning
needs, wants, changes, ...
During the double milestone, neither choice suits us.
Why?
- We are not in the mood
- We fear the consequences
Instead, we make assumptions.
- We assume to know what friends want and need.
- We assume friends know what we want and need.
How's that working out for you?
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Have you heard what happens when we assume?
It makes an ... (fill in the blank) out of u and me
Obviously, it's never a good idea.
UNHOMEWORK
What assumptions do you make?
Do you assume friends want and need the same things you do? Give details.
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
The consequences we fear the most are ...
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly. If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will
automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter: www.twitter.com.@drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.' Keep scrolling all the
way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth of Swamp
Goddess.' I bet you will relate.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
ARE YOUR YOUR MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP REQUIREMENTS BEING MET?
WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #82 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D
ARE YOUR MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP REQUIREMENTS BEING MET?
Are your friendship requirements being met?
This question leads to more questions.
Reminder: All questions are designed to clarify thoughts and gain insight.
Preliminary questions:
1. What are your friendship requirements?
2. Have you expressed your requirements to friends?
3. What feedback did you receive?
Strategy questions:
4. What is the plan if friends do not meet your requirements?
5. What is the plan for fulfilling your friends' requirements of you?
Gulp! More things to think about.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Puzzling question:
6. Is there anyone who believes friendships are easy - especially during the double milestone
of menopausal mayhem and aging angst?
UNHOMEWORK
One additional question.
7. Do you distinguish between friendship expectations and requirements?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
(another question!)
Is psychic ability one of your friendship requirements ... ?
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly. If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you
will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' 2012.' Keep scrolling all the way
to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #82 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D
ARE YOUR MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP REQUIREMENTS BEING MET?
Are your friendship requirements being met?
This question leads to more questions.
Reminder: All questions are designed to clarify thoughts and gain insight.
Preliminary questions:
1. What are your friendship requirements?
2. Have you expressed your requirements to friends?
3. What feedback did you receive?
Strategy questions:
4. What is the plan if friends do not meet your requirements?
5. What is the plan for fulfilling your friends' requirements of you?
Gulp! More things to think about.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Puzzling question:
6. Is there anyone who believes friendships are easy - especially during the double milestone
of menopausal mayhem and aging angst?
UNHOMEWORK
One additional question.
7. Do you distinguish between friendship expectations and requirements?
NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
(another question!)
Is psychic ability one of your friendship requirements ... ?
HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly. If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you
will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com
NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman
TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' 2012.' Keep scrolling all the way
to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.
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