MIDLIFE FRIENDS AS FAMILY

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #99 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDS AS FAMILY

Generally, the bonds holding a family together are stronger than bonds
holding a friendship together.
Agree? Disagree?

Do you have friends you consider family?
What qualifies a friend as family?
Choose:
~ length of time you know each other
~ shared experiences, e.g raising children, vacationing together, sharing holidays
~ compatibility
~ desperation
~ other

 Sometimes, friends form a replacement family to take the place of actual
family that is estranged, long-distance, passed away, etc.
Or
We take a friend into our existing family because ----- (fill in the blank).

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Some folks casually designate friends as family.
Others rarely, or never, designate friends as family.

UNHOMEWORK
Do you have any friends as family?
What characteristics must a friend have to be selected as family?
Are you part of a friend's family? How is that working out?
EXTRA CREDIT
We know most families spend years living together.
With that in mind, would you be able to share a home with any of your friends?
For how long?

REMINDER
Do you want more detailed guidance, inspiration, and information to navigate the
murky waters of menopausal/midlife friendships?
You'll find practical knowledge, relatable anecdotes, and effective solutions in Help! I
Am Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide To Friendship Frenzy Amid
Menopausal Mayhem And Aging Angst.

www.amazon.com
www.barnesandnoble.com

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Family as friends tend to be ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

RE-CHOOSING MIDLIFE FRIENDS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #98 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
RE-CHOOSING MIDLIFE FRIENDS

Imagine:
You move to a town or city where you don't know anybody.
One of your top priorities is to meet people and make friends.

Imagine further:
You are introduced to your current friends in the new location.
However, you're meeting and learning about them for the first time.

Ideally:
We re-choose our current friends again and again and again.

Reality:
We re-choose some friends, but not others.
This is a case of if I knew then what I now know ...

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Fantasy do-overs are fun and enlightening.

UNHOMEWORK
Would you choose any of your current friends (who they are now) as friends if you
met them today?
List the ones you would choose.
What have you learned about each friend that would cause you to re-choose her?
List the ones you would not choose.
What have you learned about each friend that would cause you not to choose her?

REMINDER
Do you want more detailed guidance, inspiration, and information to navigate the murky waters of
menopausal/midlife friendships?
You'll find practical knowledge, relatable anecdotes, and effective solutions in Help! I Am Surrounded
By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide To Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal Mayhem And Aging Angst.

www.amazon.com
www.barnesandnoble.com

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... friends as family are ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is published weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

CHEERING FOR OUR MIDLIFE FRIENDS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS GUIDE® TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #97 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
CHEERING FOR OUR MIDLIFE FRIENDS

What a concept - midlife cheerleaders.
Clearly, we don't have to wear skimpy outfits and shake our ... ummm ... pom poms (unless you
want to), but all of us need cheerleading - especially now.
The essence of cheerleading is to root with sincere enthusiasm.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if midlife friends cheered with sincere enthusiasm for each other.

What is there to cheer for during the double milestone of menopausal mayhem and aging angst?
Simply - anything and everything.
Success and accomplishments range from quitting smoking (for the 16th time), exercising (finally), job promotion (well-deserved), to winning The Nobel Peace Prize for curing hot flashes (why not).

As we strive to achieve success and accomplish goals, quality friends encourage
and support each other.
When we achieve success and accomplish goals, quality friends are happy
for us.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Authentic cheerleading is more than the usual compliments and congratulations.
It is genuinely rooting for others.
No tinges of envy, jealousy, or insincerity are allowed. Seriously.

UNHOMEWORK
Is anyone truly cheerleading for you? Who?
Are you truly cheerleading for anyone? Who?
Are you truly cheerleading for yourself? In what ways?

REMINDER
Do you want more detailed guidance, inspiration, and information to navigate the murky waters
of menopausal/midlife friendships?
You'll find practical knowledge, relatable anecdotes, and effective solutions in Help! I Am
Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide To Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal
Mayhem And Aging Angst.

Available:
www.amazon.com
www.barnesandnoble.com

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... would you re-choose your current friends if ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:         www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012'
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth
of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

IS IT DISLOYAL TO END MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS?

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #96 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
IS IT DISLOYAL TO END MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS?

Loyalty is an honorable trait.
It is essential for relationships.
Except, when it's not.

Loyalty is an honorable trait, until ... it becomes a misguided obligation.
We are not obligated to stay in negative, hurtful relationships.
In fact, we are obligated to end them.

Wait. Isn't it disloyal to end friendships, especially long-term friendships?
As you (hopefully) know by now, our first loyalty is to honor ourselves.

Express loyalty to yourself by committing (or recommitting) to your well-being.
To do this - Surround yourself with loving, positive-energy folks who enrich your
life and enhance your joy.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Releasing the strangling bonds of negative, hurtful friendships is
an important step in respecting, honoring, and caring for ourselves.

UNHOMEWORK
Do you feel a misguided sense of loyalty to some relationships?
What you are willing to tolerate in order to express loyalty? To whom?
Is your loyalty based on personal choice or sense of moral obligation?
Is your loyalty reciprocal? Describe.

REMINDER
Do you want more detailed guidance, inspiration, and information to navigate the murky waters of
menopausal/midlife friendships?
You'll find practical knowledge, relatable anecdotes, and effective solutions in
Help! I Am Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide To Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal Mayhem And Aging Angst. 

www.amazon.com
www.barnesandnoble.com

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... wouldn't it be wonderful if midlife friends cheered with sincere enthusiasm for ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth
of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate. 

DO YOU TRUST YOUR MIDLIFE FRIENDS?

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #95 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
DO YOU TRUST YOUR MIDLIFE FRIENDS?

Are you friends with folks you do not trust?

First, let's define 'friendship trust.'
TYPES OF TRUST
1. You trust friends to offer support = reliable.
2. You trust friends to tell the truth = honest.
3. You trust friends to keep confidences = discreet.
4. You trust friends to provide excellent judgement = wise.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
It is a special gift to have at least one reliable, honest, discreet, wise friend = trustworthy.
Cherish this gift.

UNHOMEWORK
~ List your friends.
~ Rate level of trust for every friend - either: 'high', 'so-so', 'non-existent', or 'unsure.'
~ Be specific. What do you trust and not trust in each friend?
~ Look inward. Can your friends trust you? How do they rate your level of trust?
~ Be specific. What does each friend trust and not trust about you?
EXTRA CREDIT
~ Add additional 'types of friendship trust' to the definition.

REMINDER
Do you want more detailed guidance, inspiration, and information to
navigate the murky waters of menopausal/midlife friendships?
You'll find practical knowledge, relatable anecdotes, and effective solutions

in Help! I Am Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide To Menopausal Mayhem And Aging Angst.

www.amazon.com
www.barnesandnoble.com














NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... friendship loyalty is an honorable trait, except when it's not ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:           drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:     www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:         www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click on '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

ARE YOU TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS?

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MIDLIFE MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #94 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
ARE YOU TELLING THE TRUTH ABOUT YOUR MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS?

What kind of weird question is this?
Of course we all tell the truth about friendships.
Always.
Well ... maybe not.

Do you assume the question concerns telling the truth to your friends.
Actually, it concerns telling yourself the truth about your friends - Ohhhhh!

In other words ...
when you answer 'friendship questions,' such as those posed today and
in past Midlife Memo posts
~ do you state what you feel/think?
or
~ do you state what you assume you're expected to feel/think?

For example ...
One question from last week's post was: 'Do you want to fix what's broken (in friendships)?'
Before the double milestone, many of us would have said 'sure, of course.'
We probably would have meant it - er - maybe, sometimes.

Now ...
For various reasons, we don't want to fix friendships (or most anything).
But, we answer 'yes, we do.'
Why?

Because ...
- it is the right thing to say.
- it is the expected thing to say.
- we don't want to hurt our friends' feelings.
- yada, yada, yada.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
As we navigate menopausal mayhem and aging angst, we get more and more
adept at letting go of the expected response.
It's quite refreshing to express truth and say what we think and feel.

UNHOMEWORK
Pay attention to your reactions when expressing what you think and feel.
Rate your level of comfort when expressing your reality.

REMINDER
Do you want more detailed guidance, inspiration, and information to navigate the
murky waters of menopausal/midlife friendships?
You'll find practical knowledge, relatable anecdotes, and effective solutions.
www.amazon.com
www.barnesandnoble.com

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
'can midlife friendships survive when ... ?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

REPAIRING MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #93 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REPAIRING MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS

After the midlife friendship purge ...

Step 3
Repair

This step requires serious thought ... seriously, serious thought.
a. Specify what aspects of your friendship need repair.
b. Can the broken parts be fixed? How?
c. Do you want to fix what's broken? Why? Why not? Unsure. Don't care.
d. What are you willing to do to repair the friendship?
e. What are you not willing to do to repair the friendship? Detail your limits, if any.
f.  Does your friend want to fix what's broken? How do you know?
g. Do you believe your friend has a commitment to repairing the friendship?
h. Is the damage irreparable? In what ways?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Similar to the previous 'after the midlife friendship purge' steps, the reciprocity angle comes
into play. Both friends must acknowledge and agree to what's broken, the repairs that need to be
made, and how to go about healing the friendship.
Good luck. You will need it.

UNHOMEWORK
Do you want more detailed guidance, inspiration, and information to navigate the murky
waters of menopausal/midlife friendships?
You'll find practical knowledge, relatable anecdotes, and effective solutions in
Help! I Am Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide To Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal Mayhem And Aging Angst.
My book is available at Amazon.com and other book outlets in both paper and ebook.

To get a copy click on this link:
http://www.amazon.com/Help-Surrounded-Bitches-Friendship-Menopausal/dp/0988279509/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1365010543&sr=8-1&keywords=wendy+kyman

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Is it worth it to ...?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman
Twitter:        www.twitter.com/@drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, or the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.