MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP SHOCKER

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 49 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP SHOCKER


Oh no, she didn't.
Oh no, she wouldn't.
Oh no, she couldn't.

Yes, she did.
Yes, she would.
Yes, she could.

Without warning (or so it seems), a friend ends our friendship.
It is a shock because we never thought this relationship was in trouble.
In fact, we considered the friendship 'solid' and want it to continue.

However ...
Our friend had a different idea.
She chose to let go.
OUCH! Being dumped hurts.
When we are not prepared, somehow the pain feels sharper.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
All of us know friendships are shaky during menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
No need for paranoia, but - expect the unexpected.

UNHOMEWORK
Has your friend offered a reason for ending the friendship?
Is her reason valid? Explain.
What was your reaction?
Did you attempt to change her mind? In what ways?
How far would you go to save this friendship?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... Is there a chance for midlife friends to ... ?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

DO MIDLIFE FRIENDS HAVE RIGHTS?

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #48 by Wendy Kyman Ph.D.
DO MIDLIFE FRIENDS HAVE RIGHTS?

Do we have a right to ask for 'things' from our friends?
What 'things?'

Do our friends have a right to ask 'things' from us?
What 'things?'

Let's get specific ...

Is it acceptable to ask a friend to change a behavior?
For example, would you ask a friend to:
                          stop smoking
                          stop drinking
                          stop lying
                          other ...

Is it acceptable for a friend to ask you to change a behavior?
For example, if a friend asked, would you:
                          stop smoking
                          stop drinking
                          stop lying
                          other ...

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Asking is different from demanding.
Demanding with consequences is an ultimatum - an either/or  -
"Either you stop .... or I will ...

UNHOMEWORK
Has a friend ever issued you an ultimatum?
How did you respond?
Would you respond the same way again?
Why? Why not?

Have you ever issued an ultimatum to a friend?
Would you do it again? Why? Why not?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... oh no she didn't ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly. If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will
automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION:
Email:               www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:         www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP - GIVE AND TAKE

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #47 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP - GIVE AND TAKE


Are you continuing to view your friendships from your friends' perspectives?
How is it going?

Have any of your friends issued ultimatums?

A friend may ask you to change a behavior in order to keep
the friendship.
Is there anything you are willing to change?
What? For Whom? Why?

A friend may ask you to give up another relationship in order to
keep the friendship.
Is there anyone you are willing to give up?
Who? For Whom? Why?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Obviously, compromise is essential in all relationships.
There is always give and take.
The challenge:
To find the right balance between the giving and the taking.

UNHOMEWORK
Are you more of a giver or taker?
Explain.
Have you noticed a change in what you are willing to give since the
double milestone of menopausal mayhem and aging angst?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... do we have a right to ... ?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:         drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:   www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier posts, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

THE MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP AUDIT

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #46 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
THE MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP AUDIT


Yay!
Taxes are done, so we turn our attention to a different
kind of audit: The Friendship audit - from your friends' points of view.

In other words, your friends get a turn to scrutinize you

Following up last week's Unhomework:
* Do you acknowledged your friends may have complaints about you?
* Are you able to identify the complaints?
* Can you accept these are reasonable complaints?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
If you acknowledge your friends' complaints are valid, you have serious
thinking to do.

UNHOMEWORK
Are you willing to change your behavior to keep a friendship?
If yes,  be specific. What behavior would you change for which friend?
Would you rather change your friends than change a behavior?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... To keep a friendship, I will ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:          drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:    www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #45 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIPS


If we view our friendships from the other side - our friend's perspective - do we
have reason for concern?

Let's see:
1. Friendships are two-way streets - obviously!
2. Our friends are probably going through their own version of menopausal mayhem
and aging angst - uh - oh!

Conclusion:
Be prepared - for anything and everything.

For example:
The Friendship Break - how will you respond if a friend asks you for one?
The Big Talk - what will be your reaction if a friend initiates this?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Quite a few menopausal/midlife friendships are shaky.
Expect the unexpected.

UNHOMEWORK
If friends express complaints concerning your role in the relationship:
- will all your friends have the same complaint/s? Details, please.
- will each friend have different complaints? List friend and her perceived complaint.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... complain, complain, complain ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:        drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:  www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' 2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.
-

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP SWITCH

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 44 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP SWITCH


Thus far, the friendship discussion has be focused on your side
of the story.
You have been encouraged to assess your friendships.
Some of you have taken The Friendship Break.
Others have had The Big Talk.
More than a few have said goodbye to long time friends.

It is time to switch things around.
Take a look at your relationship from a friend's perspective.
Is it possible one of your friends is contemplating ending the friendship?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Most of our friends are also experiencing menopausal mayhem
and aging angst.

UNHOMEWORK
Can you imagine any of your friends wanting to end the friendship? Who?
What complaints do you think your friends have about you?
Are their complaints valid?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
... how will you respond when ... ?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com.

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email           www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook     www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.

MY MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP IS OVER

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #43 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MY MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP IS OVER


The decision has been made.
After trying your best, you are ending a friendship.

Various attempts to save it were unsuccessful.
You tried a 'cooling off' period - a friendship break.
Most of the problems were not resolved.
You had The Big Talk.
 It did not go well.

Keep in mind:
letting go of what we do not want - difficult friendships,
creates space for what we do want - quality friendships.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
If you decide to end a friendship, expect some surprises.
You may occasionally miss your former friend.
This is to be expected.
Usually, the feelings fade as you move forward and create quality friendships.

UNHOMEWORK
How do you anticipate feeling once the friendship is over?
Will you be sad, relieved, angry, exhilarated ...?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP IMPOSSIBILITY
... no she didn't ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email:        www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook:  www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.' I bet you will relate.