MidlifeMemos

DO YOU NEED A MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP BREAK?

2012-02-01T11:44:00.001-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
Blog #34 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
DO YOU NEED A MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP BREAK?

Ahhhh - sometimes it feels so good to get away.
We want a break from our rut ... ooops ... I mean our day-to-day lives.
We need a break from annoying folks ... ummm ... I mean friends.

Can we take a 'friendship break' if we cannot actually get away? - Yes
Will a 'friendship break' repair a crumbling relationship? - Maybe
Is there a possible downside to a 'friendship break?' - Of course

Before taking a 'break,' consider the following:
* the amount of time you need - one to three months is usual.
* the expected outcome - repair the friendship or ... ?
* your friend's reaction to the 'break' - the great unknown

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Before you take a 'friendship break,' think from your friend's perspective:
* She also needs a 'break' from you. Impossible!
Or
* She gets upset and angry.
* When 'the break' is over and you decide the friendship is worth salvaging, your friend is not
waiting. She has ended the relationship. How dare she!

UNHOMEWORK
Which of your friends is a candidate for a 'friendship break?'
Will she be waiting for you to decide the fate of your friendship?
Is her potential reaction a deciding factor in whether or not you take a 'break?'

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
MIDLIFE FRIENDS TALK IT OUT
... in an attempt to save an ailing friendship ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' 2011' '2012'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate

CAN THIS MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP BE SAVED

2012-01-25T12:00:00.000-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
Blog #33 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
CAN THIS MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP BE SAVED

Is the decision to end your friendship final?
Do you have 2nd thoughts?
Have you given 3rd chances?
Is there any way to save this friendship?

It takes time, effort and energy to save any troubled relationship.
Are you in the mood to do the work?
Are any almost ex-friendships worth saving?
If not, let go and move on.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Take all the time you need to ponder the decision to let go of a friendship.
Of course, your friend may be pondering her own decision.
Is it realistic to think she is sitting around waiting for you?

UNHOMEWORK
Name the friendship/s you think may be saved?
What work are you willing to do to save the friendship?
What are you not willing to do to save the friendship?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife Friendship Break
... we need to take a break from annoying folks ... ummm ... I mean friends ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' 2012.
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP STATUS REPORT

2012-01-18T12:16:00.000-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANSGT
BLOG #32 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP STATUS REPORT

We are in the process of letting go of those who clutter our lives - right?
(see post New Year's Resolution 1/4/12)
How is it going?
Have you said 'good bye' to anyone yet?
Who did you let go?
Why did you choose her?
How did you say 'goodbye'?

Now what?
The next step is to be aware of lingering feelings.
Are you relieved? happy? conflicted? sad? all of these mixed together?
Usually these feelings are temporary and will pass.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Reminder: You are letting go and making room to invite new, quality friends
into your life.

UNHOMEWORK
List the friends you have let go.
Did you say 'goodbye' in the same way to each of them?
Or
Did you use a different process for each?
Evaluate:
- what was the best way of saying 'goodbye'? What made it work?
- what was the worst way of saying 'goodbye'? What went wrong?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Can This Midlife Friendship Be Saved?
... are you in the mood to save a troubled friendship?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011' '2012.'
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.

POST-HOLIDAY MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP STATUS

2012-01-11T11:29:00.000-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO FRIENDSHIP FRENZY AMID MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #31 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D
POST-HOLIDAY MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP STATUS

Are you still singing, chanting, humming and whistling 'out with the old ... in with the new?'
Or
Has it become a soft whisper?
Or
Has it gone completely silent and is it already forgotten?

Do you really want to forget to declutter? No!
Will there ever be a good time to make room for what you want? Yes - Now!

For those who are following through with the decluttering process - Good move!
You are on the right track. Keep going.

For those who have not gotten started yet - C'mon - give it a try!
You just need a bit more motivation and a change in perspective.
Experiment - begin with the idea of making a commitment to yourself.
During menopausal mayhem and aging angst, isn't it about time the commitment
is a version of: to do what is BEST for me?
Compose your commitment statement using whatever words are most meaningful for you.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
As we revert back to the hustle and bustle of our post-holiday busy lives, it is

quite common to forget our New Year's resolutions. It takes a renewed effort.
Making a commitment is a good way to re-energize.

UNHOMEWORK
* Make a commitment to yourself.
* For those of you who have completed a 'decluttering' list, and answered the
follow-up questions, take a break and prepare for more to come.
*For those who did not, but want to get back on track - Great idea!
Begin by writing a list of friends who 'clutter' your life. More details
in 'New Year's Resolution' post (1/4/12).

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife Friendship Status
' ... have you said goodbye to anyone yet ... ?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe', you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman.com
Facebook: www.facebook/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010', '2011', '2012'.
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.

DECLUTTERING OUR MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP COLLECTION

2012-01-04T11:57:00.001-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #30 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D
DECLUTTERING OUR MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP COLLECTION

This New Year is the perfect time to get a fresh start.
It is also a perfect time to sing, chant, hum or whistle the familiar
phrase 'out with the old ... in with the new.'

Getting rid of clutter is a noble ambition.
So let's begin:
Is someone or something cluttering up your life?
Who? What? How?
Are you ready to let go, i.e. toss that someone or something 'out'?
When? Why? Why not?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
What? Who? Why? How? When? - wait a minute. Aren't these questions journalists are
supposed to ask? Yes, and they work quite effectively for our purposes as well.

UNHOMEWORK
Make a list of those who 'clutter up' your life.
Do you want to let go?
Are you ready to let go?
How will you let go?
When will you let go?
So many questions ... If you do not yet know the answers ... stay tuned. More to come.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Post-Holiday Midlife Friendship Status
... as we revert back to the hustle and bustle of our post-holiday busy lives ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe,' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010', '2011'.
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially The Birth of Swamp Goddess. I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION

2011-12-28T13:35:00.000-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #29 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION

By the double milestone® point in our lives, we have been there, done that and said much.
How many New Year's resolutions have we made? Bazillions!
How many New Year's resolutions have we broken? Gazillions!
Who remembers?

Resolutions usually involve promising to do things we don't want to do
and give up things we want to do.
No thanks. We are so over all that.

This year, let's try a new approach.

Resolve to set a happy goal: By next New Year, you will have a least one quality friendship.
Hopefully, two or three.
Will we like this? Of course.
Will it be good for us to have a quality friend? Absolutely.
So ... it is possible to have something we like and that is also good for us. Hooray!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
For those who make this resolution - terrific.
If you do not have to make this resolution because you already achieved this
goal - fabulous, but .... stay tuned for other goals to set.

UNHOMEWORK
Do you already have a description of quality friendships? (From last week's posting)
If not - describe your version of a quality friendship.
Once you have your description written down, prioritize:
*What traits are most important for your quality friend to have?
*What traits are least important for your quality friend to have?
*Are you open to compromise on any friendship traits?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Decluttering Midlife Friendships
... out with the old, in with the new ... Why should we?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe', you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES, click '2010' '2011'.
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess.'
I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP HOLIDAY GIFT

2011-12-21T14:02:00.001-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
Blog #28 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP HOLIDAY GIFT

The holidays are here - lots of cheer and celebration ... ummm ... hopefully.
We gather together with family and friends .... well ... maybe.
Aside from family, are you sharing the holidays with at least one quality friend?

If you don't have any quality friends sharing the holidays with you - why not?
Is it something you want?
Having at least one quality friend is an excellent gift to put on your holiday wish list.
Begin by setting a goal: By next year's holiday season, you will have quality friendships.
Consider this your gift - from you to you. Fantastic!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
It is indeed a treasure to have at least one quality friendship.
If you have more than one - congratulations.

UNHOMEWORK
Describe your version of quality friendships.
If you have one (or more):
● Were your friendships always quality or did it require 'work' to get there?
● Who did the 'work' - you, your friends or both?
If you do not have any quality friendships:
● Do you know why not?
● Are you willing to 'work' for them?
If you don't know, stay tuned ... more to come.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife Friendship New Year's Resolution
... how many New Year's resolutions have we broken ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES - click '2010', '2011'.
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess'.
I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP DRAMA

2011-12-14T00:56:00.001-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #27 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP DRAMA

Who needs the drama?
As we journey through the double milestone® of menopausal mayhem
and aging angst, most of us are not in the mood for any dramatic encounters.

With this in mind, how do we end a friendship?
Can the unwanted drama be avoided? Unlikely!

Some of us do attempt to avoid it by choosing silence.
We let the friendship die from neglect.
We just happen to be unavailable to spend time together - Never!
Our phone conversations get interrupted - Always!
And, we seem to forget to call back - Uh huh!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Do you believe your avoidance is working?
Do you care?
Your concern, or lack of it, clearly expresses your feelings.

UNHOMEWORK
How will your friend react when she gets your silent message? She will!
How will you respond? Will you?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife Friendship Holiday Gift
... It is holiday time. Lots of ...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe', you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVES - click '2010' '2011'.
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess'.
I bet you will relate.

THE MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP DUMP

2011-12-07T11:55:00.002-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #26 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
THE MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP DUMP

Many double milestoners® are facing the reality of ending friendships.
Most of us let go of just one or two.
And then, there are those who make a clean sweep by dumping each and every friend. Wow!

Reasons for the endings vary from friend to friend.
For one, perhaps you have changed. She has not.
For another, both of you have changed - not in the same ways.
Or quite simply, your menopausal/aging stuff is conflicting with your friend's
menopausal/aging stuff. Sums it up quite nicely, don't you think?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
You may not be able to pinpoint precise reasons for ending friendships.
For now, the double milestone may be your only motivation.
Eventually, you will gain clarity. Ummm ... probably... depends on how this aging thing goes.

UNHOMEWORK
If you choose to end a friendship (or friendships), do you know why?
Is your decision spontaneous?
Or, have you spent lots of time thinking it over? What finally caused you to say 'NOW'?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife Friendship Drama
... we are not in the mood for The Big Drama breakup. Or are we ... ?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe', you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVE - click '2010', '2011'.
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess'.
I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP EXPIRATION DATE

2011-11-30T11:25:00.001-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND
AGING ANGST
BLOG #25 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP EXPIRATION DATE

Make a list of your current friends.
If you met each one today:
*Would you choose her as a friend? Why?
*Would you not choose her as a friend? Why not?
Note your reaction to your responses.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Friends meet different needs at different times in our lives.
During the double milestone® we become aware that some have
reached their expiration date?

UNHOMEWORK
What are you going to do about your expired friendships?
Are there reasons you are reluctant to end these friendships?
I know many of us don't feel like dealing with this now.
When would be a better time?
Is there a better time?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
The Midlife Friendship Dump
...If you choose to end a friendship...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com.

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVE - click '2010', '2011'.
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess' tale.
I bet you will relate.

GRATITUDE AT MIDLIFE

2011-11-23T13:55:00.001-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #24 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
GRATITUDE AT MIDLIFE

Thanksgiving is an appropriate time to take a break from our friendship issues.
Instead, let's focus on the spirit of Thanksgiving - gratitude.

During the double milestone®, it is tempting to focus on our disappointments, longings and losses.
If you want to purge this negativity, practice gratitude. It works!
It transforms your life by changing your perspective - even during menopausal mayhem
and aging angst.

Gratitude is acknowledging and appreciating our abundance.
Incorporating gratitude into our daily thoughts and activities is amazingly powerful.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Interestingly, the things we take for granted are often our biggest blessings.

UNHOMEWORK
Begin.
Write a gratitude list.
Read it each morning and night.
Who and what is on your list? Why?
Keep adding to your list.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Midlife Friendship Expiration Date
... have some of your friends passed their expiration date...?

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
email - drwendykyman@gmail.com
facebook - www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right, under BLOG ARCHIVE, click '2010', '2011'.
Keep scrolling to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos, especially
'The Birth of Swamp Goddess'.
I bet you will relate.

OLD FRIENDS

2011-11-16T12:52:00.001-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #23 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
OLD FRIENDS

As we journey through the double milestone® of menopausal mayhem and aging
angst, it is common to reflect on the past. Each reflection carries special memories,
some we cherish, some we'd like to forget.

We may fixate on past decisions, some good, some not; long ago events, some happy,
some sad; and old friends, some still in our lives, some long gone.

If we share memories with an old friend, we feel...???; we remember...???; we wish...???
If we share memories of an old friends, we feel...?; we remember...???; we wish...???

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Is it possible that a group, or even one friend, can stay with us throughout all
of life's seasons?

UNHOMEWORK
Do you have at least one long lasting friendship?
If no, do you wish for one?
If yes, how have you maintained the friendship?
Are you in touch with your childhood best friend? college roommate? or other old friends?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Gratitude At Midlife
... During the double milestone, it is tempting to...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click 'follower' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one
or
just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right- under BLOG ARCHIVE - click '2010' or '2011'.
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess'. I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT

2011-11-09T11:43:00.004-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #22 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.

THE MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT

Has your attitude toward your friends recently changed?
Duhhh! Absolutely it has.
Have you already dumped most, if not all, of them?
Or, have friends already dumped you? Hard to believe, but true!

Disruptions in our relationships occur with surprising, and somewhat
unexpected, frequency as we journey through the double milestone®.

So what's going on?
Aging angst and menopausal mayhem are affecting all our relationships.

That's what's going on.

Some of us try to pretend we are still able to tolerate what has become intolerable
and accept what has become unacceptable.

Externally we attempt to carry out the charade, but internally we are
busy collecting grievances, both small and large.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

Is your grievance collection taking up so much space there is no room
for anything else?

UNHOMEWORK

List your triggers.

Specify the actions and words that push your double milestone buttons. You
know, the ones where your friend is getting on your last nerve and if she
keeps this up, you'll...

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Old Friends

...Is it possible that a group, or even one friend, can stay with us throughout all

of life's seasons...?

HELPFUL HINTS

Midlife Memos is posted weekly.

If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.

Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTE

CONTACT INFORMATION

EMAIL: drwendykyman@gmail.com

FACEBOOK: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right - under BLOG ARCHIVE - click '2010' or '2011'.
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess'. I bet you will relate.

MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP REALITY 101

2011-11-02T13:19:00.000-04:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
BLOG # 21

Have you drooled (not pretty, but known to happen) over media depictions
of friendships?
Have you seen or read the books, articles, movies and tv shows celebrating the
joys of friendships and extolling their crucial role in women's lives.

In these tales, women are present for each other, no matter what time of day
(or night), totally available, supportive, loving and giving.

This description of friendship reinforces what we have heard forever, such as:
* friendships are essential to women.
* we rely on our friends to share most, if not all, aspects of our lives.

Then we look at our own lives.
Uh-oh, something is missing.
We do not have these types of friendships.

In fact
*many of us are painfully aware that not all our friendships are joyous
or worthy of celebration.
In fact
*our friendships have conditions, rules, clear lines we can't cross, certain
times we can not rely on them, etc. etc. etc.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
What is going on?
The double milestone® of menopausal mayhem and aging angst is going on.

UNHOMEWORK
List the friends you can you can rely on unconditionally - no matter what.
List the friends who have restrictions on their availability.
Now look at yourself. Yikes!
Are you available for all of your friends, all of the time?
List those friends. Why these friends?
List the friends to whom you limit your availability. Why?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
...Has your attitude toward your friends changed during menopausal mayhem
and aging angst? Duhhh - absolutely!...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is posted weekly.
If you click 'follower' or 'subscribe' you will
automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.Midlifememos.com

NOTE
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right - under BLOG ARCHIVE - click '2010' or '2011'.
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess' tale.
I bet you will relate.

THE MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP RANT

2011-10-26T12:49:00.000-04:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM
AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #20 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.

Is it me? Am I the only one who is often confused, frequently amazed and increasingly
annoyed at most things my friends say and do?

Is it me? Have I been doing something that turns the women I thought were friends
into shrieking, nagging, whining, self centered shrews?

Is it me? Were my friends like this all along and it's just now I am noticing what
I previously ignored?

Is it me? If I met these women today, would I choose them as friends; would they
choose me?

Is it me? Are there others uttering the silent roar - "Help! I am surrounded
by bitches" - oops, I mean friends?

Are you shocked to read these questions?
Actually, they summarize comments from the countless women who have shared their stories
of eroding friendships for my upcoming book Help! I Am Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide To Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal Mayhem And Aging Angst.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Keep in mind, everything is a bit over the top during menopausal mayhem and
aging angst.

UNHOMEWORK
In what ways can you relate to the questions posed?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
MIDLIFE FRIENDSHIP ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
Do you maintain a collection of small and big grievances against your friends...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is posted weekly.
If you click on 'follower' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one
Or
just come back to www.midlifememos.com

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS:
To the right - under 'blog archive' - click '2010' & '2011'.
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier Midlife Memos,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess' tale.
I bet you will relate.

Menopausal Mayhem and Aging Angst

2011-10-20T14:30:00.102-04:00

WHO HAS MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST?
WE DO!!!

Most of our lives we contend with one significant milestone at a time.
Now, two milestones - menopause and midlife - at once.
I label this the double milestone®
Doesn't it seem like a really bad cosmic joke?

Midlife Memos is an online guide that chronicles our journey through
the murky waters of menopausal mayhem and aging angst.

TO READ PREVIOUS POSTS
To the right - under 'blog archive' - click on '2010' & '2011'.
Keep scrolling all the way to read any, or all, of the earlier blog posts,
especially 'The Birth of Swamp Goddess®' tale.
I bet you will relate.

2011-10-20T13:10:00.000-04:00

THE SWAMP GODDESS END OF SEMESTER REVIEW

2010-06-03T20:59:00.234-04:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 19 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
THE SWAMP GODDESS END OF SEMESTER REVIEW

Hooray!
We finished our first semester of The Midlife Memos online course.
Well... almost finished.
We still have the end-of-semester Swamp Goddess Review.
AND
The culmination of our semester is The Swamp Goddess Report Card.
(I'm such a professor).
Don't worry.
It's take-home, open-book and you may take as long as you like.
PLUS
You grade yourself. Yippee!

REVIEW
Milestones act as catalysts for change.
The double milestone® - menopause and midlife - is the double whammy.
Regrets are a hallmark of the double milestone.
Swamp Goddesses aim to live the remainder of our lives with a 'No Regrets' policy.

GOAL
This semester was designed to:
- gain awareness
- guide your Swamp Goddess choices,
specifically:
- identify who and what you want
- let go of who and what you don't
and
- to know the difference

EVALUATION
Rate your progress on meeting your goals.
1. Have you made lifestyle decisions that support your choices?
2. Have you identified what and who you want and don't want?
3. Are you spending the majority of your time with the individuals/activities that enhance and enrich your life?
Great! That's a definite 'A'.
4. Are you spending the majority of your time with individuals/activities that do not enhance and enrich your life?
If so, these follow up questions may be useful:
- Are you inspired to change?
- Are you a work in progress?
- Are you making the effort?
- Do you need more time?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
This is a self awareness exercise.
The information revealed may surprise you.

NOW WHAT?
After identifying what you want, open to receive it.
Aim high, stay positive and go for it!

SWAMP GODDESS END OF SEMESTER REPORT CARD
Grade your progress in living the Swamp Goddess lifestyle.
Keep in mind the main Swamp Goddess goal: At age 95, we shout 'No Regrets!'

That's a fully earned 'A+'.

For now, I give us all 'As for enduring the double milestone journey through menopause and midlife.

HELPFUL HINTS
Now that we have finished our semester, The Midlife Memos online course is taking summer break.
Enjoy.
Meanwhile, keep on the lookout for my book Help! I Am Surrounded By Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide to Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal Mayhem and Aging Angst.
Stay in touch through email and facebook.

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www. drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www. facebook.com/drwendykyman

OUR MOST PRECIOUS COMMODITY

2010-05-27T12:02:00.003-04:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #18 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
OUR MOST PRECIOUS COMMODITY

CHECKING IN
Hopefully at this point in our Midlife Memos online course you are contemplating the Swamp Goddess lifestyle, starting to view life through freshly minted Swamp Goddess lenses and considering some important changes.
Or:
You are waiting. OK, go at your own pace. No pressure.

LOOKING, LOOKING - OH, THERE IT IS!
When you look through your Swamp Goddess lens, what are your 'seeing'?
My view was quite amazing and somewhat unsettling.
I 'saw' my most precious double milestone® commodity is TIME.
After all, let's get real.
How old are we at the double milestone? Yikes!
Reality is not morbid. We don't have to be in denial.
You may have heard that ignorance is bliss - No!
Knowledge is power - Yes!

WHAT A WASTE
I used basic math to calculate years lived, years left (hopefully) as inspiration. It helped.
I was compelled to admit that in my pre Swamp Goddess life, not only did I squander my time, also I disregarded its importance by freely giving it to people I did not want to be with and doing things I did not want to do.

WOW!
How did that happen?
Do you do this? Do you have difficulty saying 'no'?
This realization was a powerful demonstration of how, in my pre Swamp Goddess days, I did not claim ownership of my life.
What about you?

CHANGES
Very quickly (and rather easily) I initiated many changes, most notably how and with whom I spend my time.
Are you ready to initiate changes related to what you 'see' through your Swamp Goddess lens?
Details, please.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Ultimately, other life changes follow - all for the better.
And most importantly, with no regrets - an essential Swamp Goddess bonus.

UNHOMEWORK
Look through your freshly minted Swamp Goddess lens.
What do you 'see' as your most precious commodity?
Is it time? Something else?
List specific life changes you want to make
- short term changes
- long term changes
What will facilitate making changes?
What will impede making changes?

MORE FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The answers to these questions will help guide your journey through the double milestone.
At first, you may be undecided, unsure and unclear.
If so, start by focusing your thoughts.
Ooops! Did I really recommend 'focusing'?
What I should have recommended is 'double milestone focusing' - whatever version is working today.

REALITY CHECK
You actually know the changes you want.
In fact, you've known for a while.

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

CHA CHA CHANGES

2010-05-20T11:46:00.003-04:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 17 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
CHA CHA CHANGES

How often do you blurt out - 'What's going on'?
Some days it's 3, 33, or even 103 times.
So, what is going on?
At this point, do you even have to ask?
It's the double milestone® of menopause and midlife. Yeah, that again!

THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGING
Milestones act as catalysts for change.
Don't they seem to be fueled by special super powers during the double milestone? Whew!
Whether quickly and chaotically or slowly and methodically - they come.
Both internally and externally - they come.
Some we welcome, others we dread - still they come.
Many of the changes are expected; more than a few are not.

CHANGE BY DEFAULT
Some (perhaps many) of our previous changes came as a result of someone else's decision or due to circumstances beyond our control, e.g.:
- your partner left or died
- you lost your job
and/or ...
- what are the important changes in your life that were initiated by other people or situations (not you)?
------------
------------
------------

PROACTIVE VS. REACTIVE
There is no choice and no control when we have to change by default.
Been there, done that. Time for something new.
Let's be proactive.
Swamp Goddesses believe as long as the double milestone changes are coming (or already have arrived), wouldn't it be terrific if we use them to finally live life on our terms, i.e. do what we want, with whom we want...
In other words - own our lives

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The double milestone changes to expect:
- you will change your perspective on many, if not all, aspects of your life, particularly your relationships with others, and most importantly, with yourself.
It is wonderful (more often than not).
We'll prepare together. Upcoming posts will focus on relationships - the changes and our choices.

UNHOMEWORK
IMAGINE:
Taking ownership of your life by actively making choices that please /suit you.
What does that look like?
Describe at least 3 choices that will please/suit you.
1.
2.
3.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
OUR MOST PRECIOUS COMMODITY
"... I was compelled to admit that, not only did I squander my most precious commodity, also I disregarded its importance by freely giving..."

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

NO MORE REGRETS - REALLY!

2010-05-13T12:18:00.001-04:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #16 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
NO MORE REGRETS - REALLY!

CHOICES
Is it possible to live our lives with no regrets?
Of course it is, especially considering the alternative, i.e. a life filled with regrets - Ugh!

IMAGINE
Visualize doing a Life Review at age 98. (No snickering. Think positively).
What will it reveal?
a) you continued to pile regret after regret onto the stack you accumulated before the double milestone®?
Or
b) you made a definite turnaround at the double milestone - the time you declared 'No More Regrets'?

OWNERSHIP
Declaring 'No More Regrets" is a major step in owning your life.
How?
By making conscious choices.
Huh?
Let's refresh our memories.

SWAMP GODDESS PERSONA
It is a strategy designed to unlock our inner wisdom, identify, assess and, if necessary, change patterns of behavior.
SWAMP GODDESS LIFESTYLE
Goal
Swamp Goddesses actively choose behaviors that lead to living lives filled with joyful meaning and/or meaningful joy - (Either one; I like both).
With no regrets!
Plan

We implement this goal by:

Identifying what we want

Letting go of what we don't

And

Knowing the difference

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

The key to The Swamp Goddess No Regrets Policy is actually quite simple.

We (no one else) choose what we want and let go of what we don't.

Any subsequent mistakes (hopefully rare) are a byproduct of owning our lives.

We (no one else) take responsibility for our life choices.

We can't blame anyone else for our mistakes. Uh-oh.

UNHOMEWORK

Begin to formulate a plan. Play with ideas and see how far you can go. It helps to create a vivid mental image.

Look into the future (you may need to put on special time travel glasses).

- How are you going to spend the next 10, 20, 40 (it could happen) years?
Visualize:

- the same relationship? Is this whom you choose?

- the same job? Is this what you choose?

- the same home? Is this where you choose?

You get the idea. Keep going with all areas of your life.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC

CHA, CHA, CHANGES - THE TIMES THEY ARE A-CHANGING

"... as long as they are coming, wouldn't it be terrific if ..."

HELPFUL HINTS

Midlife memos is a weekly blog.

If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.

Just come back to www.midlifememos.blogspot.com

NOTES

CONTACT INFORMATION

Website: www.drwendykyman.com

Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

REGRETS ARE SO YESTERDAY

2010-05-06T12:08:00.002-04:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #15 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS ARE SO YESTERDAY

HOW IRONIC
Even though our short-term memory is playing tricks on us and we can't remember where our keys are hiding or the name of the person we are having dinner with, people and events from long ago are surprisingly clear.

OVERWHELMED
Those long ago experiences comprise a unique scrapbook filled with snapshots of our lives.
As mentioned in previous postings, during the double milestone® we are bombarded with 'couldas', 'shouldas' and 'wouldas'.
Often a dose of the 'if onlys' is added to these unbidden and unwelcome blasts from the past.

EVENTUALLY
We finally let go (perhaps with help) of past hurts.
The regrets ease as we free ourselves of mistakes and missteps.
Some can be easily released.
Others have to be mourned and grieved as we acknowledge most, if not all, mistakes cannot be reversed.
Nor can we travel that long ago road not taken.

BUT...SOMETHING WONDERFUL!
We can look forward to the remainder of our lives and proclaim (loudly):
"Regrets are so yesterday"
or more specifically stated:
"From here on - NO MORE REGRETS!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Obviously, we are not perfect (ok, you may be, but definitely, I am not).
Although our intention is to have no more regrets, realistically we can expect to add a few more poor choices and mistakes to our collection.
That's life; that's being human.
The Swamp Goddess Goal - we keep poor choices and mistakes to a minimum, quickly release them and move on.

UNHOMEWORK
Spend time contemplating the meaning of : 'No More Regrets'.
Do you believe it is actually possible to live the remainder of your life with no regrets? Why? Why not?
How would you go about implementing a 'No More Regrets' policy?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
No More Regrets - Really!
"... Is it possible to live our lives with no regrets? Of course it is, especially considering..."

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES:
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WHERE CAN I STASH THEM?

2010-04-29T11:53:00.003-04:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 14 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WHERE CAN I STASH THEM?

Eraser Please
Moving forward does not mean erasing our past (ahhh...please someone invent a special eraser for the bad stuff).
Instead, we grasp that past regretful events cannot be re done.

Ideally
We learn how to prevent those past events from shaping and/or defining our current and future life.

But what about those pesky, lingering major regrets?
(Has that special eraser been invented yet?)

Hide and Seek
Many of us feel the urge to run and hide from painful regrets.
Do you?
Is your typical run and hide method swallowing down feelings with food, alcohol, prescription meds or ... (fill in your usual go-to activity)?
Or
Is your specialty transferring your hurt and anger onto someone or something else? Who? What?

Best Way
The best way to handle regrets is to embrace them.
Huh? Doesn't it sound counter intuitive?
You already know running and hiding does not help.
Also you know, in most cases, it just makes everything worse.

Q&A

Question:
Why would we want to embrace our regrets?
Answer:
Because it works.
Question:
How do we embrace our regrets?
Answer:
For a very limited* amount of time, we immerse ourselves into the feelings triggered by the regrets.
Question:
How?
Answer:
A Swamp Goddess Pity Party

CAUTION
* Alloted time for Pity Party is limited to no more than one hour per each regret.
- It should not take more than one hour to acknowledge, confront and then release regrets and emotions linked to them.
- You have spent years, probably decades, carrying these regrets. Enough!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Swamp Goddess Pity Parties are formal events.
They must be planned, with a specific objective, theme and healing outcome. (Dress is optional).
Detailed directions for Swamp Goddess Pity Parties are provided in Help! I Am Surrounded by Bitches: The Swamp Goddess Guide to Friendship Frenzy Amid Menopausal Mayhem and Aging Angst. (available soon).

UNHOMEWORK
Make a decision - Seriously???
A multiple choice question (my inner prof showing up again) will ease the decision making process.
1. Choose one of the following:
a) release regrets - You're done!
b) hold on to regrets for another ----- years (fill in how many). Why?
c) keep some regrets; let go of others (specify those that stay and those that go). Why?
d) can't/won't deal with this now. OK, indicate a better time. Why?

HELPFUL HINTS
We have already established the double milestone® is the perfect time to move forward and live The Swamp Goddess lifestyle (see posts 9, 10, 11).
The 'why' portion of each Unhomework question is essential to moving forward.
Take your time with 'why'. It is important to clarify your reasoning and/or confront your excuses.
Your may be surprised (along with various other emotions) to discover your reasoning (old excuses) no longer works. Good!

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: REGRETS ARE SO YESTERDAY

MORE HELPFUL HINTS
If you cannot let go of your regrets and are stuck in the hurt and anger from long ago events, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well- qualified professional, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.
*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
It is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish.
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
It is:
- an acknowledgment that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable/effective guide.

STILL MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WOULDA, SHOULDA, COULDA; IF ONLY...

2010-04-22T11:26:00.004-04:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #13 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA: WOULDA, SHOULDA, COULDA; IF ONLY...

Are you regretting events, encounters and decisions from your past?
Are you kidding!!!

Back in the old days of our youth:
- Most of our regrets seemed manageable (except the bad ones - obviously).
- Many were attributed to bad choices and silly mistakes (plenty of those).
- We were able to chalk them up to our being too young, naive and/or inexperienced to know better (although at the time we were so sure we knew it all).

And now in the double milestone® days:
- Regrets seem to pop up regularly like an uninvited guest, often interrupting an otherwise pleasant day.
- More than ever before, we dwell on the past - or does it just feel that way?
- Some regrets fill us with longing; others with real pain.

How often do you begin (or end) your thoughts of the past with:
I woulda...; I shoulda...; I coulda...; If only...???

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Doesn't the slogan "If only I knew then what I know now..." finally make so much sense?
But really:
Would you really have done ...  WHAT?
Should you really have done ... WHAT?
Could you really have done ... WHAT?
If only... WHAT?

Actually, we don't know - that's what compels us to conjure up our alternate universes.

UNHOMEWORK
1. List the top three recurring themes of your recollections.
   Happy themes:
   a. ----------
   b. ----------
   c. ----------
   Regretful themes:
   a. ----------
   b. ----------
   c. ----------
2. What is your reaction when your day (or night) is interrupted by a regretful blast from the past?
   Do you:
   a. try to ignore it.
   b. delve deep inside the memory
   c. obsess on 'do-over' fantasies
   d. something else - explain
3. Is your chosen method working for you? Elaborate.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS
WHERE CAN I STASH THEM?
   ... many of us feel the urge to run and hide from painful regrets...

HELPFUL HINTS
If you cannot let go of your regrets and are stuck in the hurt and anger from long ago events, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well-qualified professional*, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.

*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
It is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish.
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
It is:
- an acknowledgment that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable guide.

MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'subscribe' or 'followers' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS, AKA:THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

2010-04-15T11:46:00.002-04:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 12 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
TOPIC 2 TRANSITIONS
REGRETS, REGRETS, REGRETS
AKA: THE ROAD NOT TAKEN

LIFE REVIEW
- Is your mind replaying events that happened 10, 20 or even 40 years ago?
- Are you preoccupied with misgivings concerning how you handled them?
- Do you feel sorrow because you imagine a long ago decision, or a road not taken, could have changed the direction of your life?
- Perhaps you are cringing at memories of how you allowed yourself to be mistreated?
- Or are you haunted by the memory of how you mistreated others?

'Life Reviews' are a hallmark of the double milestone® and surface often during menopausal mayhem and aging angst.

Do you imagine traveling back through time and having a do-over, because now you know the perfect words to say, the right things to do and the flawless ways to act?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
It's times like these that a rewind button sounds wonderful.
Or not?
Do you really want to go back?

UNHOMEWORK
What is your 'road not taken'?
In what ways do you imagine your current life would be different if long ago you traveled that 'road not taken'?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Regrets, Regrets, Regrets
AKA: Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda: If Only...
During the double milestone, regrets seem to pop up regularly like an uninvited guest, often interrupting...

HELPFUL HINTS
This is the first in our 'Regrets' series.
As we progress, you may realize letting go is difficult because you are stuck in the hurt and/or anger from long ago events.
If so, take the Swamp Goddess approach to healing.
We take care of ourselves in order to live our best lives.
Getting help* from a well-qualified professional, if needed, is a wonderful double milestone gift to yourself.
*Professional help (therapy/counseling)
Is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish. (if only)
- an indication/admission we have a serious mental health disorder.
It is:
- an acknowledgement that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable, effective guide.

MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

ADOPTING THE SWAMP GODDESS LIFESTYLE

2010-04-08T17:08:00.004-04:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #11 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
ADOPTING THE SWAMP GODDESS LIFESTYLE

Goddesses Everywhere
Some of you are so over the whole goddess thing.
I know. So was I.
And then, remarkably and quite unexpectedly, I was transformed to Swamp Goddess. It's turned out to be a wonderful, life-altering gift.

Goddesses Everyplace
What changes, other than the usual physical ones, are you experiencing as you journey through the double milestone® of menopause and midlife?
I'm sure, by now, you have noticed a change in your perspective.
This particular shift affects what and how we 'see'.
Specifically, we 'see' events and people (even those closest to us) through a new lens.
Let's name it the Swamp Goddess lens.
In what ways does how you now 'see' affect you and your relationships?

Goddesses Everytime
Double milestoners have varied reactions to what we 'see' through this lens.
Our fluctuating moods complicate, or perhaps clarify, the situation.
On any given day or (let's be honest), moment, we are:
   - irritated
   - pleased
   - annoyed
   - amused
   - saddened
   - etc. etc. etc.
But...we are NOT MOODY!

When we assume the Swamp Goddess persona, it acknowledges this internal shift and change of perspective.
Adopting The Swamp Goddess lifestyle is the next step.
Both facilitate the journey through the double milestone and beyond.
And so, I'm going for it - Swamp Goddess for life!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Unfortunately we do not immediately assume The Swamp Goddess persona, adopt The Swamp Goddess lifestyle and have an automatic transformation.
If I had a magic wand and could make that happen, I would gladly do so.
Actually, it is a process that happens in stages. And, we have just completed the introductory stage.
Stay tuned.

UNHOMEWORK
When you 'see' through your Swamp Goddess double milestone lens:
   - What/Who pleases you?
   - What/Who annoys you?
   - What/Who amuses you?
   - What/Who saddens you?
   - What/Who surprises you?
BTW:
Although these questions are an important step on our Swamp Goddess path, take your time.
You don't have to answer them in one sitting.
Considering our fluctuating moods, expect some 'most of the time or 'right now' responses.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Regrets, Regrets, Regrets
AKA: The Road Not Taken
   Is your mind replaying events that happened 10, 20 or even 40 years ago...

HELPFUL HINTS
This concludes the introductory portion of the MidlifeMemos on-line course.
We are just getting started.
New class: Transitions.
The next few postings will focus on 'pondering our regrets'. Ugh.
Yeah we have to go there.
Regrets are a major component of menopausal mayhem and aging angst. Double Ugh.

Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman.

BUT WHAT EXACTLY IS A SWAMP GODDESS?

2010-04-01T13:14:00.002-04:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #10 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
BUT WHAT EXACTLY IS A SWAMP GODDESS?

DESCRIPTION
The Swamp Goddess persona is a strategy designed to unlock our inner wisdom, assess and, if necessary, change patterns of behavior.

GOAL
When we conduct our Life Review at age 95, we can triumphantly exclaim 'No Regrets"!

PLAN
Identify what we want
Let go of what we don't
And
Know the difference

WE HAVE TRIED
We have read zillions of self-help books, watched and listened to endless talk shows advising us on ways to live our best lives by loving, respecting, taking care of ourselves, yada, yada, yada... ad nauseum.

SADLY
For too many of us, these books and shows have not eliminated the feelings of guilt, even selfishness, that surface if we choose what we want, rather than what others want of us.

EVEN WORSE
Lots of double milestone®women are still struggling to identify precisely what we want. We just don't know.
Or, we do know, but are frozen with fear of what change will bring.
Why keep repeating the same behaviors over and over again and then expect, hope, even plead for different results?
It's time for a new strategy.

ISN'T IT AMAZING
Countless women do not live our lives as if we actually love, respect and take care of ourselves. BUT, we are very adept at loving, respecting and taking care of others.

PERFECT TIMING
The double milestone is the perfect time to finally go after what we want.
Stay tuned as the Swamp Goddess journey unfolds.

BY THE WAY
A number of you may jump right in and quickly adopt The Swamp Goddess persona.
Others will be a bit more cautious and take things slowly.
Whatever way you go - just go.
Begin by making a commitment to yourself.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Some of us may interpret being kind to ourselves as being unkind to others. No!
A few may worry that taking care of ourselves is being selfish and neglectful of others. No!
Adopting The Swamp Goddess lifestyle does not mean we become cruel or hurtful to others.
In fact, it is quite the opposite.
It means we stop being cruel, hurtful and neglectful to ourselves.

UNHOMEWORK
Imagine viewing your life through freshly minted Swamp Goddess glasses.
List specific changes you want to make.
- Short term - (how short is short?)
- Long term - (how long is long?)
What obstacles and/or fears hold you back from making changes NOW?
And, of course, the well known question - If not now, when?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
Adopting The Swamp Goddess Lifestyle
Some of you are so over the whole goddess thing. I know, I was also until...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically
receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

BIRTH OF SWAMP GODDESS

2010-03-25T12:39:00.002-04:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #9 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
BIRTH OF SWAMP GODDESS

SLEEPLESS NIGHTS
One special sleepless night, about half past my double milestone® clock, I had a transcendent experience, or perhaps it was just another insomnia filled hallucination.
I awoke to my usual condition - my body and bedding were drenched in sweat (oops, I mean glowing with dewy moisture).
It seemed impossible that the blame for this nightly soaking was due to hot flashes and night sweats.
Somehow, it was easier to believe I was perpetually sopping wet because I had been magically transported to a swamp.

SWAMP LIVING
Surprisingly, the image of the swamp took hold. I embraced the notion of swamp living, but with an important stipulation.
If I am to be a swamp dweller (i.e. endure vicious hot flashes and all the other - umm - joys of menopause and midlife), then I declare myself goddess of my swamp (my life).
Thus, Swamp Goddess was born. Yippee!!!
My first decree as goddess: I must make changes to my life.

I TOOK VOWS:
1. To offset menopausal misery and aging angst, to the best of my ability and in the ways I can control, I will no longer allow any other misery or angst into my life. There is no room.
2. I will make a conscious effort to move towards making everything else in my life joyful and pleasurable.
3. I will adopt a 'no regrets' policy. (This was an afterthought but as I quickly realized, essential to the Swamp Goddess lifestyle.

CHOICES
Quite simply, by making the choice to become goddess of my swamp, I took ownership of my life.
Why didn't I think of this 50 years ago??? Imagine!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
For those of you with no hot flashes and night sweats, consider yourself lucky to have landed on a dry patch of the swamp.
However, I am sure you have other signs of menopausal mayhem and aging angst.
And so, of course you are welcome to be a Swamp Goddess.

UNHOMEWORK
What misery and/or angst would you like to eliminate from your life?
Write a list of what brings you joy/pleasure.
Is any, or all, of your pleasure food related, e.g. chocolate (my true love)?
Other than food, is joy/pleasure a regular part of your life?
How often and in what ways?

HELPFUL HINTS
We need to distinguish between joyful, healthy pleasure and sad, unhealthy indulgence.
Obviously, a detailed discussion is beyond the scope of this blog.
Simply stated:
- Swamp Goddesses strive for healthy pleasure based in joy, wisdom and positive outcomes.
- Indulgence stems from a misguided attempt to fill an emotional void by spending money on luxuries we can't afford, eating excessively until we are sick, etc. etc etc.
- Engaging in excessive and extravagant behaviors without thinking through the consequences is not using Swamp Goddess wisdom.
- Getting help* from a well-qualified counselor to bring joyful, healthy pleasure into your life, as well as healing the 'emptiness', is a wonderful double milestone® gift to yourself.
Go for it!
*COUNSELING
Is not:
- a magical cure that makes all our problems vanish
- an indication or admission we have serious mental health disorders
It is:
- an acknowledgement that, at certain times and for specific issues, an objective, trained professional can be a valuable, effective guide.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
WHAT IS A SWAMP GODDESS?
The Swamp Goddess persona is a strategy designed to...

MORE HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically
receive each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

BEFORE EMERGING AS SWAMP GODDESS

2010-03-18T11:27:00.002-04:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #8 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
BEFORE EMERGING AS SWAMP GODDESS

Do you have nicknames for your double milestone® persona?

Before emerging as Swamp Goddess, I comically referred to my budding menopausal/midlife self as
'a delicate flower'.
It was my signal to others: either treat me gently or step lightly around me.
I was often heard stating: "I am in no mood for...whatever."

What are you often heard stating?

Identity Change
As menopause intensified, aging progressed and humor subsided, it seemed appropriate to select a new, bolder identity.
I could have continued with the flower theme and called myself 'hot house flower' or 'red hot rose', but those monikers didn't fully capture my hot flash-induced, drenched state of being.

Anyway
I was so over the whole flower child thing (at last!).
I wanted to more accurately denote this stage of life, mostly because I was not only continuously hot (sizzling), I also was perpetually sweat soaked (embarrassingly).
Plus, some serious real life changes were happening.

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
It is difficult to find humor in our discomfort, yet we all know it does help to laugh.
Suggestions for coping with hot flashes, night sweats and other signs of menopausal mayhem and aging angst will be covered in future postings.

UNHOMEWORK
What are your double milestone nicknames?
(I hope you will choose Swamp Goddess).
OK, I know you have a list. Who and what made your 'not in the mood' list?
Is the list growing, shrinking?
What criteria do you use to add someone or something to your list?
Is it possible for someone or something to get a reprieve (taken off the list)? How?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
BIRTH OF SWAMP GODDESS

One special sleepless night, about half past my double milestone clock...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife memos is a weekly blog.
If you click on 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically receive
each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook/drwendykyman.com

'OLD' - THE FORBIDDEN WORD

2010-03-11T12:15:00.003-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #7 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
'OLD' - THE FORBIDDEN WORD

I have friends who get angry when I mention the word 'old'.
If we are out and about, meeting new folks and I say the forbidden word 'old' in reference to myself,
I get accused of being 'negative', 'depressing' and even 'ruining things'. What things?

Warrior Women
Many of us battle aging.
We fight it on various fronts:
- cosmetic surgery
- coloring grey hair
- covering thinning hair with extensions, pieces, and whatever we can find
- dressing like 20 year olds
- dating much younger partners
You get the picture.
Of course, we all have seen men our age strolling along with their toddlers.
What are they thinking? Or are they?
What are we thinking? Or are we?

PC Police
BTW, this avoidance of the word 'old' is not only happening with some of my friends.
I have been informed that the language police consider it politically incorrect to say 'getting old'.
Instead, we are supposed to use 'aging'. Yeah right, surely that makes it all ok. Get over yourself.
It's silly to ban words and stifle speech.
After all, it is what it is.

How Annoying
Along with denial and pc codes, ridiculous platitudes seriously get on my last nerve.
Do you find these as annoying as I do?
Here are a few:
- Age is just a number
- You are as old as you feel
- 60 is the new - what age is being touted now - oh yeah 50, or is it 30?
Please stop !!!

How come
If 60 is the new 40 (or whatever):
- my knees will not easily skip down a flight of stairs. (Ouch they hurt).
- that little black dress is not so little. (Is yours?)
- names, titles of songs, trains of thought, etc get lost in the void of vanishing memory (uuhhh...what was I saying?)

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Myriad factors influence the aging process, including genetics, lifestyle and most profoundly, attitude.

UNHOMEWORK
What platitudes about aging get on your nerves? Why?
Do you use the word 'old' when referring to yourself or your friends?
If not, what descriptive label, if any, do you use?
Do you reveal your true age?
If so, what reaction do you expect, e.g. shock, disbelief, responses such as:
'no way can you be 58' or 'I thought you were 40'?
Do you fib about your age? If so, how many years do you shave off? Why?

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
BEFORE EMERGING AS A SWAMP GODDESS

Before emerging as Swamp Goddess, I comically referred to my budding menopausal/midlife self as.......

HELPFUL HINTS
Factors that influence the aging process will be addressed in future postings.
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog.
If you click 'followers' or subscribe' you will automatically receive
each new one.
Or
Just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

HOW DID WE GET HERE?

2010-03-04T12:12:00.003-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG # 6 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
HOW DID WE GET HERE?

Those of us in the midst of aging angst are sometimes stunned, often bewildered and rarely amused by our predicament.
We question - how did we get here? Us? Our generation getting old - no way!
We are too cool to get old.

It's all about us:
With our persistent sense of self-importance, many in our generation still believe we are changing the world by redefining life's major developmental stages - currently it's midlife and menopause.
We will not quietly surrender as we enter, explore and live each new stage of life.

We want to learn about ourselves (our favorite topic of interest), especially information that will enable us to make wise choices and maintain some sense of control over what awaits us.

What we're doing:
Moreover, many of us are still working and putting off retirement.
Lots of us are physically active and fit, follow current health trends and take care of ourselves.
We love to travel and explore new destinations.
We even do our best to keep current by imploring our children and grandchildren to teach us the latest advances in technology.

And most of all,
We have an assumption that we are still relevant.
We are, you know! Are we?

UNHOMEWORK
Are you surprised at what your life is now?
Has your life's journey been what you expected? Yes/No? Explain.
Do you consider yourself 'relevant'? In what ways?
Describe how you fit, or don't fit, the above description of 'what we are doing'.
If you are limited by physical challenges, what are your coping strategies?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Obviously, the description 'what we are doing' is a generalization.
Sadly, we are all keenly aware that some of us are not doing well.
Thus, despite generalizations, this blog is for all of us.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
'OLD' THE FORBIDDEN WORD
   Do these platitudes annoy you:
   '60 is the new 40'
   'age is just a number'
   'you are only as old as you feel'
   blah, blah, blah...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will
automatically receive each new one.
Or, just come back to www.midlifememos.com

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

AGING IS HUMBLING

2010-02-25T17:04:00.009-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS

THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND

AGING ANGST

BLOG #5 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.

AGING IS HUMBLING

Ahhh... the arrogance of youth, particularly its two distinctive characteristics:
   - knowing it all
   and
   - believing time stretches on forever.

Remember (or not) being young:
- time wasn't important
- if something wasn't done at a specific moment, it could be done later.
- if a bad choice was made, it could be fixed later.
Comfort came from the notion that there was always a 'later'.

Aging is humbling:
Now, we understand time:
- can't be controlled
- held back
- captured
- or, even if really desperate, stolen.
Time slips away from us.
And, perhaps most poignant, is the realization that 'later' is not a sure bet.

So then:
One question sums it all up - how did we get here - to this stage of life???

And then:
Is this actually midlife, i.e. the midpoint of our lives?
   - If we are now 50 - then we are expected to live to 100!
   - If we are now 60 - then we are expected to live to 120!
Seriously??? We are not fooled. Are we? Do we want to be?

But then:
Is this middle age or young old age. Does it matter? Does anyone care? Not really.

Lately, it seems many of us have somehow settled on the neutral label 'aging'.
Apparently 'aging' is a process, as opposed to 'old' or 'aged', which is
so final. Who thinks of these things?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
Swamp Goddesses believe if our biggest concern is what to label our current stage of life, we are doing great.
Clearly, most of us are dealing with more pressing concerns. Duhhh!

UNHOMEWORK
What humbles you about aging?
What surprises you about aging
What do you enjoy about aging? Anything???

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
HOW DID WE GET HERE
   Those of us in the midst of aging angst are sometimes stunned, often bewildered and rarely amused by our predicament...

HELPFUL HINTS
Midlife Memos is a weekly blog. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will
automatically receive each new one
or, just come back to www.midlifememos.com.

NOTES
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: facebook.com/drwendykyman

WHEW! AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK AS OLD AS SHE DOES. DO I?

2010-02-18T12:24:00.005-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS® GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL
MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #4 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
WHEW! AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK AS OLD AS SHE
DOES. DO I?

Has this happened to you?
You run into an acquaintance - someone our age. It has been
some time since you last saw each other. While you are catching
up on events in each other's lives, you are also taking a silent inventory.

It goes something like this:

Neck - mine doesn't have that many lines
Eyes - her crow's feet are barely noticeable - hmm - botox?
Jowls - yikes, hers are really hanging - even more than
mine! I didn't know that was anatomically possible.
But wait, she's sleeveless! How does she keep her arms toned
enough to go sleeveless?

This internal dialogue continues while our external dialogue is all about sharing pleasantries.

Are we being mean? No.

Our contemporaries are a measuring stick of how we are doing in the aging process. We see ourselves reflected through them.

Another version:

We meet someone - it could happen anywhere - in line at Macy's, introduced by a mutual friend, whatever. Unlike our friends and acquaintances, we do not know her exact age.

Still, we do the silent inventory and conclude that she is older and we don't look like her because she looks ... well ... old.

Then:

This supposedly older woman says something horrific, such as: 'at our age...'

Excuse me! Did she just put me in her age bracket?

What did she see? Does this mean I look as old to her as she looks to me? Ouch!

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

For those who are really 60, but claim to be 50 - do you ever wonder:

Is it better to look bad for 50 or good for 60?

If you ever play the dangerous game of asking others to guess your

true age, be prepared with a response if they guess older. Yikes!

UNHOMEWORK

What body parts do you focus on when measuring yourself against

others? Why did you choose these?

What body part do you like best? Describe

What body part do you like least? Describe

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC

AGING IS HUMBLING

Remember being young and time wasn't that important...

HELPFUL HINTS

Midlife Memos is a weekly blog. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe'
you will automatically receive each new one
Or just come back to www. midlifememos.com

NOTE

CONTACT INFORMATION

Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com

Facebook: www.facebook/drwendykyman

MidlIFE MEMOS - MY FIRST TIME

2010-02-11T12:59:00.007-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MADNESS
AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #3 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
MY FIRST TIME - CAN YOU REMEMBER YOURS?

My first time is seared into my brain.
It happened with four men - age 20ish. I was in my mid 50s. We met
when they were driving by in a convertible - with the top down. I
was on my way to the gym wearing workout clothes, large sunglasses,
listening to my ipod and feeling good.
Sound intriguing?

Here's what actually happened:
The car carrying these young men was careening up 1st Avenue on an
unusually traffic-lite Manhattan afternoon. I was crossing the street at a relative distance and barely noticed them. The young men let me know they noticed me.

They shouted these memorable words:
"Get out of the way - Old Lady."
As I staggered across the street, I was breathless. I felt like all the air had gone out of my body.
  - Was it because the car had hit me? No.
  - Perhaps I had been punched in the stomach? No
  - Maybe I was out of shape and crossing the street was too
   strenuous? A big No.
I was so shaken and traumatized because it was my first time - being
called 'old'. Actually more than that, it was the first time my age was
used as a slur, a put down.

Repeatedly, obsessively, embarrassingly, my thoughts were centered
on: how could the young men tell my age?
1. I took inventory:
   - they didn't see me up close.
   - sunglasses were hiding my eye wrinkles and bags
   - a recent dye job was nicely covering my grey hair.
   - my workout clothing was stylish, but not desperate or inappropriate.
   - blah, blah, blah.

2. I questioned:
   - out of all the potential insults, why did these boys focus on my age?
   - am I so old that my age is evident even from a speeding car - at a
   distance?
   - am I so old that my age defines me - no other identifiers are needed?
   - what reactions can I now expect from up close, face-to-face encounters?

3. I reacted:
   - I immediately tried the retaliation approach. I told myself the
boys are jerks, immature kids and then moved on to serious cursing. Frankly,
it didn't work.
   - things took a scary turn when I considered going home instead of to the gym.
   - a creepy voice popped into my head spouting negative phrases, including:
   'you're too old to work out'; 'what's the point'; etc. etc. etc.

All this took place within a couple of minutes. I was faced with a choice. I could give up, go home,
curl up and wither away.
Or,
swallow down my feelings with cupcakes (my current love), ice cream
and potato chips - yummy, but not the answer.

Luckily,
my Swamp Goddess persona intervened to remind me I enjoy working out (I know, weird, but true). I like feeling strong and fit. Plus, I always feel great afterward.
More importantly, I would feel awful if I gave up.
Swamp Goddesses do not give up.

We all know
our youth obsessed society sends messages to older folks, such as: 'get
out of the way,' 'your time has passed,' or the recent 'you are so old school.'

Did we
say such things when we were young?
How awful were we?
I don't remember. Do you?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
A Swamp Goddess holds steadfast and affirms:
   - I earned my way to this age.
   - I have a right to take up space - so get over it!
But still I ponder - what tell tale signs gave my age away- at such a distance?

UNHOMEWORK
What was your first time being called 'old'? (other than by your kids)
Has the word 'old' been used as a slur against you?
How did you react?
How do you wish you had reacted?

HELPFUL HINTS
Use Midlife Memos to acquire information, pick up suggestions and
unleash your inner wisdom.
You will gain inspiration to live The Swamp Goddess lifestyle.
Details about Swamp Goddess will be discussed in future postings.
Stay tuned.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
WHEW! AT LEAST I DON'T LOOK AS OLD AS SHE DOES. DO I?
   You run into an acquaintance - someone our age. It has
   been some time since you last saw each other. The silent
   inventory begins...

NOTES
These are weekly postings. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will automatically
receive each new one.
Or, just come back to www.midlifememos.com
CONTACT INFORMATION
Email: www.drwendykyman@gmail.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman

MIDLIFE MEMOS - THE DOUBLE MILESTONE®

2010-02-04T13:20:00.010-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS
THE SWAMP GODDESS GUIDE® TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST
BLOG #2 by Wendy Kyman, Ph.D.
THE DOUBLE MILESTONE

Most of our lives we contend with one significant milestone
at a time. Now, two milestones - menopause and midlife - at
once. Doesn't it seem like a really bad cosmic joke?

This double milestone brings profound changes as we
poignantly review our past, daringly evaluate the present
and boldly envision a future.

We question:
Can this be all there is?
   If not, then
Where do I want to go?
What do I want to do when I get there?
Is there someone (anyone) I want with me?
   And
Am I really this old?
Do I really look like that?

FOOD FOR THOUGHT
The journey begins with:
   - knowing what you want
   - letting go of what you don't
   and
   - knowing the difference.
It continues by:
   - learning how to get from here to there.

UNHOMEWORK
Answer the following:
Do you know where you want to go? Where? When?
Do you know what you want to do when you get there? Details please.
Do you want to go alone or with someone? Who? Why?

HELPFUL HINTS
Spend time pondering the questions and your responses.
You will achieve more effective results if you write
down your answers.
These questions are the initial step on our journey.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC
MY FIRST TIME - CAN YOU REMEMBER YOURS?
   It happened with four men - age 20ish. I was in my
   mid 50s...

NOTE
These are weekly postings. If you click 'followers' or 'subscribe' you will
automatically receive each new one.

CONTACT INFORMATION
EMAIL: www. drwendykyman@gmail.com
FACEBOOK www. facebook.com/drwendykyman

WELCOME

2010-01-28T13:09:00.004-05:00

WELCOME TO MIDLIFE MEMOS

THE SWAMP GODDESS®GUIDE TO MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM AND AGING ANGST

BLOG #1

WELCOME

Who has menopausal mayhem and aging angst? We do!

What's it all about:

This blog chronicles our journey through the murky waters of menopause and midlife, or as I have labeled it - 'the double milestone'®.

Like many of you, I am deep in double milestone frenzy. If you want, consider me your companion/professor/guide.

My career as a professor (teaching women's health, human sexuality & also nutrition for more than 25 years), therapist and seminar leader, as well as my personal experiences as an aging boomer, will be evident throughout the postings.

For example:

As a professor I can't help myself. I have arranged Midlife Memos as a course - an online version - covering topics of interest and relevance specifically suited for us.

And, yes, there will be homework.

The most important lesson - it's all about you.

Changes:

A lot of attention is focused on the physical changes we experience at the double milestone. In fact, abundant information is readily available and regularly discussed among women.

However, we did not expect the psychosocial changes.

The what???

Probably, you have already noticed that, along with altering bodies and fluctuating moods, tolerance levels are sinking and attitudes are changing, most notably concerning relationships, i.e. with romantic partners, family, friends and, especially, with ourselves.

We have had virtually no information, discussions or preparation for this aspect of the double milestone. Consequently, many of us feel confused and isolated - until now.

Double milestone issues, as well as the Swamp Goddess lifestyle, will be the focus of Midlife Memos.

UNHOMEWORK

First day of class - no homework

Each weekly posting will include 'unhomework'.

Use it as an opportunity to learn about yourself.

The questions posed will encourage you to unleash your inner wisdom.

NEXT WEEK'S TOPIC

THE DOUBLE MILESTONE

The double milestone brings profound changes as we poignantly review our past,

daringly evaluate the present and boldly envision a future...

HELPFUL HINTS

These are weekly blogs.

Please check in each week -

either by returning to: www.midlifememos.com

clicking on to subscribe and automatically get the weekly posts

NOTE

CONTACT INFORMATION

Email: drwendykyman@gmail.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/drwendykyman